Aspiring Lawyer Blames Self For Colleague's Lost Dream Job After Ignoring Poor Work
The silent sabotage.
Entering the legal profession in the UK is as cutthroat as it gets—our narrator (Original Poster) could tell you that firsthand.
Every year, thousands of bright-eyed hopefuls send in applications to elite London law firms, each vying for a coveted training contract—the golden ticket to becoming a solicitor. The odds? A daunting 2%.
To add to the pressure, many firms run "vacation schemes"—two-week paid internships where candidates are put through their paces with tasks, departmental tours, and interviews. Only the cream of the crop secures training contracts from these schemes.
After three grueling years of applying, OP finally landed a vacation scheme at one of London’s most prestigious firms. However, out of the twenty candidates, only eight would snag a training contract; the stakes were sky-high.
That was where OP met Sam—their office mate and fellow vacation schemer. Sam was a nice guy, and the duo hit it off immediately.
One of their key tasks was to demonstrate attention to detail, which they were told was crucial. As his trusty pal, Sam asked OP to review his work, and OP immediately spotted a glaring error.
They had two choices: correct him and risk losing their own shot, or say nothing and let fate run its course—OP chose the latter.
Two months later, OP got an offer. It was one of the happiest days of their life. Sam, unfortunately, did not. His feedback mentioned he excelled in most areas but scored poorly on the attention-to-detail task.
OP felt a pang of guilt, knowing their silence cost Sam his dream job. But then again, speaking out might’ve cost OP their spot. Were they an a-hole for not correcting him?
The story in detail
Reddit.comIn the UK, entering the legal profession requires a lot, with some companies offering internships
Reddit.comThe Psychology of Self-Blame
Self-blame is a common psychological response in high-stakes situations, according to Dr. Laura Mitchell, a clinical psychologist.
Research suggests that individuals often internalize failures due to their past experiences, leading to feelings of guilt and shame.
This can be especially pronounced in competitive environments where the pressure to succeed is high.
OP finally got a firm for his vacation scheme
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OP shared a space with another student (Sam). Later, Sam asked OP to review a paper.
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Studies in the Self-Compassion website by Dr. Kristin Neff indicate that self-blame can serve as a coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one, that provides individuals with a false sense of control over their circumstances. Dr. Neff states, "Self-blame can lead to feelings of shame, which ultimately hinder personal growth." Understanding the origins of self-blame is critical for developing healthier coping strategies. Therapeutic interventions often focus on reframing these thoughts to promote self-compassion and resilience, as noted by Dr. Neff, who emphasizes the importance of treating oneself with kindness in the face of failure.
The scheme finished, and OP was given an offer, but Sam was not.
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Check out some interesting comments below:
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The Role of External Validation in Professional Settings
External validation can significantly impact an individual's self-worth, particularly in professional settings.
According to research from UC Berkeley, professionals often rely on external feedback to gauge their abilities and contributions.
This reliance can lead to increased anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, particularly when faced with criticism.
“OP was under no obligation to proofread the work, but agreeing to proofread and then lying about what he found is an AH move.”
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“At the end of the day, you're correct in saying it could have been him taking your spot.”
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To combat feelings of self-blame and inadequacy, individuals should focus on building a strong support network.
Seeking feedback from trusted colleagues and mentors can provide a more balanced perspective on one's performance.
Additionally, practicing self-compassion and engaging in positive self-talk can help mitigate the damaging effects of self-blame.
“When he asked you to, the right thing to do would have been to say, I can't do that, sorry.”
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“If you weren't okay with looking over his work, you needed to say that.”
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Redditors immediately declared OP the AH in this case. To them, the real issue wasn't failing to correct Sam but making him think they would. The right move would have been to decline politely, probably prompting Sam to recheck himself.
By agreeing to review it and then lying about the mistake, OP not only misled him but also compromised their integrity in the process.
What do you think about this story? Let us know in the comments.
“You were competitors; you had no obligation to help him.”
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“It would’ve been better to tell him when he asked that you weren’t prepared to proofread for him, as it was such a competitive situation.”
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Ultimately, developing resilience requires a shift in mindset from self-blame to self-acceptance.
Encouraging a culture of constructive feedback within teams can help individuals feel more secure in their roles.
Investing in personal growth and emotional regulation skills is essential for navigating professional pressures.
“You made an agreement, an oral contract in a sense, and you didn't fulfill your obligations.”
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Psychological Analysis
This situation reflects a common tendency to internalize failures, which can lead to self-blame and shame.
It's crucial for individuals to recognize these patterns and work towards self-compassion and understanding.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
In summary, self-blame can hinder personal and professional growth if not addressed.
Research underscores the importance of fostering self-compassion and resilience in the face of challenges.
By shifting focus from blame to acceptance, individuals can cultivate healthier responses to setbacks.
