Redditor Tells Coworker She Shouldn't Have Kids With Her Beliefs, Now Asks Redditors If Her POV Is Wrong

If you ask a woman what she wants in this world, her list will be endless. However, if you ask a pregnant woman about her wishes, she'll summarize it in just one: to have a healthy child. Although medicine has progressed and is constantly improving, there is always a risk that something can go wrong.

Thus, expecting a baby is a special period for a soon-to-be mother, but it's also the hardest one, considering all the risks involved. Recently, a Reddit user shared a story about her pregnant coworker.

The OP explained that she wanted to be supportive, but her intentions were misunderstood, leading her to wonder if she was in the wrong. The OP is a 19-year-old who works in a small restaurant with a team that includes a coworker named Stacy (23F) and about five others.

Stacy, who has a two-year-old son with Down syndrome and a heart condition, as well as a nine-month-old daughter, rarely joined their social events after work, which resulted in her personal life being less known to the team. The team was caught off guard when Stacy revealed she was expecting her third child next year.

While everyone congratulated her, the boss wished her a healthy baby. Stacy responded defensively, emphasizing that her family's health history wouldn't dictate her family planning decisions.

Later, while discussing this with the OP, Stacy mentioned that she's not concerned if most of her children end up with disabilities since her healthy daughter would care for them when she grows up. Stacy's comment drew a concerned reaction from the OP, who said that placing caregiving expectations on her daughter might not be fair.

Stacy accused the OP of being ableist, leading to a heated discussion where the OP suggested that Stacy might want to reconsider having children, given her perspective. The OP's comment really hurt Stacy.

Though the OP apologized, she still holds the same belief. Consequently, her coworkers have become distant.

So, the OP wonders if she was wrong in this situation.

Here is the OP's concern:

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The OP explained her coworker Stacy has two kids, one of whom has Down syndrome and a heart condition:

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Stacy revealed she's pregnant again, and their boss wished her a healthy baby:

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Understanding Parenting Beliefs

Parenting beliefs can significantly influence decision-making processes, especially when intertwined with personal values and societal expectations.

Research from the University of Michigan indicates that individuals often project their own childhood experiences onto their parenting decisions, which can shape their beliefs about what constitutes a 'good' life for their children.

In this case, the coworker's beliefs may reflect her own upbringing, leading her to question the viability of her child’s future based on her current life choices.

But then she said that her healthy daughter would take care of her disabled siblings when she grew up:

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The OP was evidently shocked by her thinking and told her it was unfair to her daughter, which made Stacy cry:

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The OP apologized to Stacy, but she still believes the same:

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The discussion around whether to have children based on personal beliefs touches on the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance.

When beliefs and actions are in conflict, individuals often experience discomfort that leads to the justification of their choices.

This dissonance can create tension not only within the individual but also in their relationships with others who hold differing views.

The OP is not in the wrong

Not the only one

"I really feel for Stacy, but she is wrong here"

The Role of Social Support in Parenting

Social support plays a critical role in parenting decisions, as it can provide emotional reassurance and practical assistance.

Studies show that parents who have strong social networks report higher levels of satisfaction and lower levels of stress.

Encouraging open dialogues about parenting choices can be instrumental in creating supportive environments that empower individuals to make informed decisions.

"It’s selfish to bring a child into the world if you know it’ll suffer."

"In this case, it's not just selfish; it's evil."

Redditors agreed with the OP's point of view and stated that it's evil to bring a life into this world if you know it will suffer. Unfortunately, some genetic dispositions cannot be avoided, even though medicine is constantly improving.

Therefore, the OP was not wrong for her opinion, but Stacy should reconsider changing her beliefs.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates how personal beliefs about parenting can significantly influence decisions regarding family planning. It raises important questions about how past experiences shape our perceptions of what is best for future generations.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The intersection of personal beliefs and parenting decisions is complex and often fraught with emotional challenges.

Research suggests that fostering understanding and open communication can help bridge differing viewpoints, ultimately benefiting both the parent and the child.