AITA for delaying my engagement announcement until after my sisters wedding?

A 28-year-old woman refused to announce her engagement right away, and it somehow turned into a full-on family drama. OP didn’t hide the ring because she was embarrassed, she delayed the announcement because her younger sister’s wedding was already the main event.

The timeline is the problem: OP got engaged just before her sister’s big day, and their parents were laser-focused on making the wedding perfect. OP says her family always compares her to her sister, so she didn’t want to steal attention on the one day everyone was supposed to be celebrating her sister.

After the ceremony, OP finally shared the news, and that’s when the backlash hit.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) engaged to my boyfriend of four years. We got engaged right before my younger sister's (26F) wedding.

My sister has always been the star of the family, and her wedding was a huge deal for my parents. They were so focused on her big day that I didn't want to steal her thunder by announcing my engagement.

I know how my family is, and they would've shifted all attention to me. For background, I've always felt overshadowed by my sister.

It's like everything I do is compared to her achievements, and I wanted to avoid any drama or overshadowing on her special day. My fiance understood and was supportive of my decision.

After my sister's wedding, I finally shared the news with my family. They were hurt and felt like I intentionally hid it from them.

Now they are upset, saying I should've told them before or right after the engagement. They feel like I wasn't excited to share my happiness with them, which isn't true.

I never meant to hurt anyone, but I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. So AITA?

This situation highlights the delicate balance of family relationships, especially during major life events. The OP's decision to delay sharing her engagement is rooted in a genuine desire to not take the spotlight away from her sister's wedding. Yet, that very intention can also be seen as an indirect admission of the potential jealousy and rivalry that might exist between siblings. Weddings are often seen as the pinnacle of a couple's relationship, and the OP's choice raises questions about how familial love can sometimes feel like a competition for attention.

Interestingly, the Reddit community is split on whether the OP did the right thing. Some applaud her for being considerate, while others argue that it's unrealistic to expect her to suppress her own joy. This tension between selflessness and self-advocacy is what makes this story so engaging and relatable.

OP’s engagement happened right before the sister’s wedding, and the parents were already in “only one star” mode.

Comment from u/Rainbow_Kitty2021

NTA. Your choice was considerate, knowing your family dynamics. Your engagement should be celebrated on its own, not as a sideshow to your sister's wedding.

Comment from u/StarryNight_Owl

YTA. I get your intentions, but delaying sharing such big news can indeed come off as secretive. Your family has a right to feel included in your joy, especially after a major family event.

Comment from u/Pizza_Lover23

NAH. Family dynamics are complex. Your reasoning makes sense, but their feelings of exclusion are valid too. Maybe sit down and explain your perspective to mend things.

Comment from u/Adventure_Seeker77

NTA. You did what you thought was best in a tricky situation. Your family will come around eventually, and they'll understand your reasons behind the timing.

The whole plan relied on everyone letting OP’s joy wait, even though OP admits she’s usually measured against her sister.

Comment from u/Sunflower_Dreamer

ESH. Your family for not understanding your perspective, but also you for not finding a middle ground to share your excitement while still respecting your sister's moment.

It also echoes the cousin who proposed at the engagement party, then caused a wedding invite fallout.

Comment from u/CatMomma4Life

NTA. Family dynamics can be tough, and you handled it in a way you felt was appropriate. Don't let their reactions make you doubt your decision.

Comment from u/TeaAndBooks126

YTA. I understand your concern, but your family deserves to share in your happiness. Communication is key, and avoiding sharing big news can lead to misunderstandings.

After the wedding, OP told the family, and instead of relief, she got hurt feelings and accusations of “hiding” her happiness.

Comment from u/Joyful_Wanderer

NAH. Family relationships are complex, and your decision came from a place of trying to keep the peace.

Comment from u/GamerAtHeart99

NTA. It was a tough call, and you made it with good intentions. Your family may need some time to see things from your perspective.

Comment from u/MoonlightDancer88

YTA. While your intentions were to avoid drama, the delay in sharing such big news can make others feel left out. Family discussions are crucial in such situations.

Now the parents are saying she should have announced earlier, while OP insists she was trying to avoid drama on her sister’s day.

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

The Weight of Expectations

Another layer to this narrative is the unspoken pressure that comes with familial expectations. Weddings are often fraught with emotion and anticipation, and for the OP, the fear of overshadowing her sister’s big day could stem from past family dynamics. It's possible that she has felt her own achievements diminished in favor of her sister's milestones, creating a complicated emotional landscape.

This issue resonates with many readers who have faced similar dilemmas in their own lives. The Reddit thread reveals a spectrum of opinions, with some individuals sharing personal stories of how they navigated their own engagements amidst sibling events. It’s a reminder that family love can be both uplifting and burdensome, and each decision carries the weight of history and expectation.

This story serves as a fascinating exploration of family dynamics and the complexities of sharing personal milestones. The OP’s choice to delay her engagement announcement raises important questions about priority, consideration, and the emotional intricacies of sibling relationships. How do you think families can balance individual happiness with collective celebration? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!

The Bigger Picture

The poster's decision to delay her engagement announcement reflects a deep-seated desire to prioritize her sister's wedding, which she perceives as a pivotal family event. Feeling overshadowed throughout her life, she aimed to avoid any potential drama that could arise from sharing her news too soon. However, this choice backfired, leading to hurt feelings among family members who felt excluded from a significant moment in her life. The situation underscores the delicate balance between personal joy and familial expectations, revealing how well-intentioned actions can sometimes lead to misunderstandings.

The sister got her spotlight, but OP still ended up paying for it.

Wait until you read about the sister who excluded her at the wedding, then demanded she attend the engagement party.