AITA for not attending my mothers wedding after my dads passing?
AITA for not attending my mother's wedding after she quickly moved on following my dad's death, leaving me conflicted about my grief and her new relationship?
A 57-year-old father dies, and eight months later his child is staring down a wedding invitation that feels way too soon. The whole thing is complicated by timing, grief, and the fact that the new fiancé is not a stranger, he is a mutual friend from the family’s circle.
OP’s mom started dating that mutual friend less than three months after dad passed. Thanksgiving was spent with him, Christmas Eve was split between OP and him, and now the mom is talking engagement plans, a wedding by the end of the year, and even moving her soon-to-be fiancé into OP’s childhood home. Then OP gets asked, “Maybe we can talk about whether you’d come to the wedding,” while OP is still emotionally wrecked from losing dad.
And it gets worse when OP hears the venue might be the same one as OP’s brother’s upcoming wedding.
Original Post
My dad \[57\] passed away unexpectedly from a heart attack 8 months ago. Less than three months after he died, my mom \[59\] started dating a mutual friend of theirs.
Things have moved quickly. She spent Thanksgiving with him over my brother who lives in town, and split Christmas Eve between myself and this guy, which obviously was painful given it was the first without Dad.
They are getting engaged soon, she plans to be married by the end of this year, and her soon-to-be fiancé is apparently moving into my childhood home this summer. Right after telling me about the engagement, my mom asked, “Maybe we can talk about whether you’d come to the wedding.” I was still processing and just said “maybe” because I didn’t know how to respond in the moment.
I've been trying really hard not to say things I'll regret in the heat of the moment. That said, no part of me wants to attend.
It feels emotionally impossible right now. I’m still grieving, and the idea of attending this wedding makes me feel sick to my stomach.
It'd be less than 1.5 years since my dad passed. I recently learned she’s even looking into using my brother’s wedding venue for her own wedding, which makes it that much more complicated.
I’m not trying to punish her or tell her she can’t move on... I just don’t feel capable of participating in it.
So, AITA if I decide not to attend my mother’s wedding?
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Speaking of awkward timing, this reminds me of the chronically late coworker who kept chaos going after being confronted.
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The dad’s heart attack is still fresh, and OP is trying to process the fact that the mom’s new relationship moved faster than anyone can breathe.
After Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve were split with the mutual friend, OP’s “maybe” turns into a gut punch when the engagement timeline gets announced.
The wedding question lands right after mom drops plans to marry by year’s end and have the fiancé move into OP’s childhood home.
When OP learns mom may use the brother’s wedding venue too, the whole thing stops feeling like “moving on” and starts feeling like a personal collision.
What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.
OP might not be the asshole, but this wedding is coming at them like a second funeral.
Want more “I’m not taking the blame” energy? Read about someone taking their colleague’s work to secure a promotion.
