AITA for Not Covering Friends Share of Failed Lake Trip?

A lake trip turned into a full-on money mystery, and the fallout landed in a group chat. OP and her hubby planned to leave June 6 with their kid, service dogs, and enough gear to make it feel like a real vacation, not a last-minute scramble.

The plan depended on friends E and R, who backed out the night before, claiming E’s car was stuck in the mechanic and they couldn’t afford a rental. OP says they still followed through, spent the money they already paid, and tried to find replacements to recoup at least part of the loss.

But when they got home, E started texting about getting paid for “their share,” and OP realized R had never even paid their second half of the Airbnb.

Original Post

Hubby, myself, friends E & R, planned a trip for June 6-8. On 4/02, E booked Airbnb.

cancel was 5/7 for full refund, late cancel 5/30 for partial ref. The collab.

was split the cost 4 ways & cover our own expenses (Drinks, food, etc) /technically/ split 3 bc hubby & I combined. $42 each for the 1st pymnt (sent our $ to E, total of $83).

remaining $208 due 5/22. Split x4 was $53 rounded up.

(Hubby paid E $110 on May 23rd.) Hubby & I took vacation days off work to leave 6/6 at 12pm. drive is 2½ hours.

E&R planned to work full day& drive in E's car after. Fast forward to 6/5, E & R backed out claiming E's car was in the mechanic shop (news to me) & couldn't afford a rental.

We were packed full(me&hubby, kid, service dogs, coolers, bags, camping chairs) in my car so carpool was out. Told E I would try to find people to go in their place in an attempt to get their $ back by having whoever fills pay the same $ & send back to E&R.

Had no luck finding ppl to fill in. Too late to get a refund so we got our money's worth, & went.

Got back home, E txt asking for us to pay her for their havles (bc we went to the airbnb). I found out that R never paid for her 2nd ½ of the abnb at all, AND that E's car was picked up from the mechanic Friday evening.

After the shock wore off I was able to say to E the next day - "I really appreciate you booking the place, & I know it’s frustrating that things didn’t go as planned. I want to be upfront.

We paid our portion for the Airbnb & budgeted for the weekend based on the understanding that all four of us were going. Saving money here & there & even skipping bills so we could make it happen.

When you & R backed out, we still went & followed through with our end of things, both financially & commitment wise only bc we couldn't get our money back bc we were past cancelation cutoff. I understand you’re out $ bc of how things played out, but we’re not in a position to cover the cost of others who couldn't go.

It’s just not really fair to hold us responsible for that. I wish the airbnb could do a partial refund.

I understand you're asking us to help cover the amount you lost, but I don't feel like it's fair to put that on us. Respectfully R still owes you for the 2nd ½ of her portion bc that was her responsibility, whether she went or not, bc she committed to it when we all made the agreement.

I didn't know that she didn't pay you for it until yesterday. That’s really where the remaining balance should come from.

I love you both dearly & I hope you understand where I’m coming from. I’m always down to h**g & do things this summer etc.

I'm having a hard time sending this but idk what else to do." response was that I promised that we would pay her for it & that is the only reason she didn't go after she got her car back on Friday. that was never promised.

we tried to find ppl to fill in for them so they could *possibly* get $. Am I truly the a*****e for not paying them for losses because they chose to not attend on this trip?

Group dynamics can complicate friendships, particularly when financial commitments are involved.

Comment from u/thechaoticstorm

Comment from u/onlythebritishfly

Comment from u/CartwheelsOverClouds

Even with E and R bailing, OP and her hubby left anyway, packed to the brim in OP’s car because carpool was off the table.

By setting aside a small amount from each participant in advance, groups can create a safety net.

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Comment from u/JadieBugXD

The real twist hit when E texted after the trip asking OP to cover E and R’s Airbnb costs, even though OP says they already ate the hit.

Expectations play a crucial role in group outings, and unmet expectations can lead to conflict.

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Comment from u/StrangeWork957

When friends withdraw from plans, it often leaves the remaining members feeling burdened.

This echoes the AITA where someone criticized their boss in a crucial meeting, risking team unity.

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Then OP discovered R never paid their second half at all, and even worse, E’s car was supposedly “in the mechanic shop” but was actually picked up Friday evening.

The original poster's situation highlights how a lack of upfront agreements can lead to misunderstandings and emotional distress among friends. Drafting an agreement that specifies how expenses will be managed in case of last-minute cancellations is essential in avoiding the fallout that OP is now facing after friends E and R backed out.

Such proactive measures foster a sense of fairness and shared responsibility within the group. By addressing potential scenarios before embarking on the trip, friends can better navigate challenges together, ensuring that their relationships remain intact even in the face of unforeseen circumstances.

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That’s when OP tried to explain that their money was already spent and that they only went because the refund window was gone, not because they agreed to cover anyone else.

Ultimately, maintaining friendships requires transparency and understanding, especially regarding financial matters.

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Comment from u/WrongCase7532

What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!

This situation underscores the intricate nature of social contracts among friends, particularly when financial obligations come into play. The original poster's dilemma reveals how a desire for harmony can cloud judgment and lead to potential misunderstandings regarding accountability. E's request for financial assistance following the failed lake trip seems driven by an instinct to maintain the friendship and sidestep conflict. However, it is crucial to consider the principles of fairness and responsibility in these interactions. OP's decision not to cover E's share reflects a commitment to these values, suggesting that friendships can withstand the strain of honest discussions about financial commitments.

The unfolding drama surrounding the failed lake trip highlights the crucial role of communication among friends.

Nobody wants to be the only one paying for a trip that got canceled on them at the last second.

For another boundary battle, see why a woman set a curfew for her 15-year-old sister before a dance.