Am I Wrong for Saying No to Vacation Plans with My Husband?

A 32-year-old woman just wanted a normal, restful couple of months with her husband, but the vacation talk turned into a full-on fight. What started as a simple “let’s earn extra money together” request snowballed fast, because she’s already running on fumes from a year of medical and other traumatic experiences.

Her husband, 35, has medical issues that limit his work, he’s currently on leave until May 1st, and they’re tied up in a lawsuit. He brings in about $900 a month in benefits, while she works full time and handles the house and groceries during the week, even though she’s exhausted most days.

When he suggested weekend side gigs like DoorDash and Instacart to fund a vacation, she said no, and he hit back with a brutal claim.

Original Post

I’m going to try and keep this as short as possible, but there is some needed background info. My husband (35 M) has some medical issues that limit how much he can physically do for work.

He is currently on leave from his work until May 1st (super long story and we’re in the middle of a lawsuit) and he’s getting about $900/month in benefits. I (32 F) have a stressful (but not physical) full time job, go to the gym regularly, take care of the house/groceries/etc (my choice) during the week.

I have had several traumatic experiences over the past year or so (medical and otherwise) and I’ve been exceptionally tired most days, but I still do these things. Tonight he mentioned that he wants us to start working on the weekends together (DoorDash, Instacart, etc) to make some extra money to go on vacation in a couple of months.

I told him that I was too exhausted from everything to feel up to that right now, but that he was welcome to do that during the week while I was at work. I told him that I didn’t want to give up my weekends (until this year I was working 7 days a week) and would rather spend time with him (not working) while we can.

He said that he didn’t want to do it alone. He said I’m the reason we can never go on vacation.

Was I an a*****e for telling him that now is not the time (for financial reasons and because I’m not up for it)?

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This also echoes the 28-year-old caught between love and traditional family marriage expectations.

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The minute the vacation plan came up, her husband’s idea of “weekend teamwork” collided with her reality of being wiped out after everything she’s already been carrying.</p>

Since he’s on leave until May 1st and they’re in the middle of a lawsuit, the $900/month benefits made her refusal feel less like laziness and more like survival math.</p>

She offered a compromise, she’d keep working her regular job while he could do the weekend gigs during the week, but he refused to do it “alone.”</p>

Then the argument went for the jugular when he blamed her for why they “can never go on vacation,” and she had to decide if she was wrong for pushing back.</p>

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

Now she’s stuck wondering if saying no to exhaustion makes her the problem, or just the only one telling the truth.

Still dealing with partner drama at family events, see why a woman skipped her cousin’s wedding after her same-sex partner was excluded.