Balancing Love and Ambition: AITAH for Pursuing a Promotion Despite Boyfriends Concerns?

Some promotions are just a raise, and some are a whole new life. This one is both, because OP just got offered a massive step up at work, going from coordinator for one business unit to global coordinator.

The catch is the schedule. The job would require travel, about once a year to each region, Europe, Asia, and South America, so roughly four weeks total in a year. OP’s boyfriend, 32, is not thrilled, and when OP kept bringing it up, he basically told her that if she keeps pushing, she should “pack her bags and leave.”

Now OP is stuck between loving him and chasing the career she’s worked for, and the real mess is that both of them are trying to protect their future.

Original Post

I (25F) just got offered a pretty huge promotion at work, from being a coordinator for one business unit to becoming a global coordinator. It’s a big jump, both in responsibilities and salary.

I’ve been promoted every year since I started here (it’s been 3 years), and this role is honestly something I never thought I’d reach this soon. It would be a big deal financially and career wise.

The only catch is that it involves some travel.. The company is actually trying to reduce travel costs, so it wouldn’t be constant.

We have four business units in different parts of the world (Europe, Asia, South America), and I’d probably go to each once a year, for about a week each. So in total, like four weeks a year.

My boyfriend (32M) is not really okay with that. He didn’t give me a direct ultimatum, but when I brought it up again after he already told me how he feels, he basically said that if I keep pushing for something he’s clearly not comfortable with, then I must know what I truly want and that I should just pack my bags and leave.

It really hurt to hear that. I get where he’s coming from though, he wants a stable life, someone more family focused, and he’s been upfront about that since the beginning..

but so have I about not wanting kids untill 30. Thing is… I’ve started to care more about those values too since being with him.

But at the same time, I’ve always dreamed of having a successful career. I’ve worked my a..

off for this. And honestly, if teenage me could see where I could head towards now, doing work I love, getting recognition, making good money, and even getting to travel - she’d be amazed by the oportunity..

I don’t want to choose between love and ambition. I really care about him and I don’t want to lose what we have.

But I also don’t want to say no to something I’ve wanted for so long and then spend years wondering “what if.” AITA for wanting both? LATER EDIT First of all, thank you so much to everyone who took a few minutes of their lives to share their thoughts with me.

I know I asked strangers on the internet for advice, but I often feel overwhelmed and stuck in my own head, and your objective perspectives really help bring some clarity… I am sorry I couldnt reply and keep up with all the messages.. I honestly did not expect so many responses omg :o I tried to talk to him and find some kind of middle ground..I explained that it is only four weeks per year abroad, and that I already spoke to my manager to make sure the traveling will not exceed 10 percent of my working time.

But now it seems like that is not enough either… He is starting to bring up other issues, not just the traveling. He does not like that I might need to adjust my working hours to match other time zones.

While that is partly true, I would still only work 8 hours a day, just maybe on a different schedule once a week. He is also worried about the people I might meet, especially the men.

He does not like the idea of me going to dinners with clients. Or sleeping in hotel rooms alone, because he might not be able to join me on each work trip (also he told me he wont accept me going on dinners while he waits for me in the hotel room).

He does not like me talking to coworkers during breaks, which is why he insists I call him on every break I get. He gets annoyed if I do not reply to his texts right away or if it takes me 30 minutes to answer.

He wants me to send him my calendar daily so he knows exactly when I have meetings. And if I do not let him know about every single work related conversation with men, whether it is with coworkers, suppliers, or trainers, he gets upset and says I am hiding things.

He has very strong boundaries when it comes to my work. No becoming friends with male coworkers, which I accepted without issues- cuz anyways I dont socialize at work at all, no casual/funny tone in messages or emails, no emojis, no hanging out after work, no sharing personal numbers with male colleagues unless he agrees with it.

Two weeks ago I went to a three day training in another city. I had to commute four hours every day because he did not want me to sleep at a hotel.

On the last day, one of the participants suggested making a group chat so we could keep in touch professionally. I forgot to mention it right away, and when I told him the next day, he got mad and made me get up at 1 a m to show him the chat.

He is just very jealous when it comes to my professional life. All this because before I met him, one of my coworkers, a man, became a good friend.

I had to cut contact and block that person once we got together. And I have never given him any reason to doubt me.

Sometimes I feel like giving up everything and just getting a basic job, like working in a supermarket. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I mean quitting the career I love, just so he will finally stop trying to control me.

But then I remember how much I love what I do and how lucky I am to have found something I am passionate about. LATER EDIT2: sorry this will be long.

For anyone wondering how I didn’t see it until now, I honestly think it was gaslighting. Never thought i would say this but some strangers (some menaing 10 K holy shiiii) made me realize how fucked up my life is.

Looking back, here’s the stuff that happened... At first, everything felt amazing.

But even in the first couple of months, I noticed he was kinda possessive, but then i thought he was sweet and caring, especially coming from a relationship with a distant, cold, and indifferent boyfriend.. I’ve always had more of an avoidant attachment style, so his need for closeness felt like a lot, but I tried to adjust.

He quickly started pushing me away from all my guy friends. Within six months I had blocked literally all of them.

We moved in together and he slowly started micro-managing my whole life. When he was at work (13 hours without his phone), he expected me to write him down in our insta convo everything I did - like when I left the house, went to the store, had an appointment, got home ..

so he could basically see a full timeline of my day. He got in between me and my family too.

Suggested I only visit them while he was working, so I wouldn’t “waste” any of our time together. I had to go everywhere with him, even if it meant sitting in silence while he hung out with a bunch of dudes talking about stuff I had no connection to.

He started giving opinions on how I looked. Told me I lost too much weight.

Then told me I gained weight. After surgery and a long recovery, he pressured me for three months straight to get back in shape.

Wanted us to be a “gym couple” like him. In the first year I wasn’t even “allowed” to go to the gym unless it was with him.

He checked and validated my outfits before I left the house. And I dress super modest - more like a old nanny, not at all revealing -but he’d still say certain clothes were too transparent or not appropriate if light hit them a certain way..

Told me I’m too pale and should go to the tanning salon. Told me I dress better at work than at home, and that it bothered him that i get cosy whenever i get home.

Then he started getting WAY TOO involved in my job - asked me to share my daily meeting calendar, text him constantly through the day, explain why I go on-site instead of working from home. Told me to only take home office days when he was home.

Give him way too much information about who X,Y,Z is, why do I have to work with him, why is anything part of my job, so on... He read my emails, checked my work messages, my work phone, my gallery, contacts - and the same on my personal phone.

Always fixated on convos with guys, never with girls. Slowly, he took over all my time.

It felt like my entire day belonged to him. I left him twice.

Packed my stuff, went back to my parents. And I came back both times.

I ve had health issues every couple of months since moving in with him the first time. Before him, I was almost never sick.

I have struggled with irritable bowel syndrome, acne, hair loss, 2 warts, an abscessed hair follicle that had to be operated on three times, ear infections, gluten intolerance, gingivitis, candidiasis twice, ovarian cyst infections, and weekly migraines. Honestly, I think my body started screaming what my brain wasn’t ready to accept.

GET THE FvCK OUT I AM HURTING I know some of you might judge me more now after reading all this. But please believe me when I say I really didn’t realize what was happening.

I thought I was exaggerating. I thought this was just “what relationships are like.” I thought he would change.

That he’d see how much it hurt me and try harder. That he’d start appreciating all the compromises.

I never imagined someone could manipulate you this deeply while yelling at you, punching walls, throwing water on you (yes this did happen). And yeah, I made a lot of mistakes too.

I wasn’t honest with him many times — because I knew the reaction would be explosive. So I hid stuff.

I went to the gym without telling him. I vaped and didn’t tell him because he banned from the begging vaping, alcohol and clubbing.

I lied and said I had in-person meetings at work just to get a break from the house he was in and leave. I even told him I had a car payment just to avoid explaining where my money for vapes and helping my parents went.

And I believed that I deserved all of this because of the lies. I still kinda do.

But I know that I want to break this cycle. I want to get better.

I want to deserve someone better someday. Because i haven't, and I still don't.

So thank you to everyone who’s been messaging me. I haven’t read every single comment, but 99.9% of the ones I did hit me like a slap in the face -in a good way.

Each one opened my eyes a little more. So thank you.

Fck it, no matter how manipulated you are by a narcissist, when ten thousand strangers tell you to wake up... you do.

Now I see things clearer. Tomorrow I have a session with my therapist — the same one we saw in couples therapy.

She knows the dynamic. We're going to work on a safe exit plan.

I’m scared, but I know this has to end.

The dilemma faced by the 25-year-old woman in the Reddit post highlights a common conflict in romantic relationships: the balance between love and ambition. When one partner is offered a promotion, as she is with the global coordinator position, it can trigger feelings of insecurity and concern in the other partner, particularly if they perceive this advancement as a threat to their relationship. The boyfriend's objections may stem from a fear of losing intimacy or connection as his girlfriend pursues greater independence and achievement.

This situation illustrates how unaligned values regarding career aspirations can lead to relational strain. If one partner feels unsupported or that their personal goals are being compromised, it can lead to resentment. The struggle between pursuing professional growth and maintaining a harmonious relationship is a familiar narrative, reflecting the challenges many couples face when personal ambitions come into conflict with shared life goals.

Comment from u/Gohomeyurdrunk

Comment from u/Turmeric_Ping

OP is still glowing about the global coordinator offer, but the moment she re-raises it after he already told her how he feels, the conversation turns icy fast.

From a cognitive-behavioral perspective, the OP's boyfriend's resistance may represent underlying fears about separation and change.

Studies show that individuals often project their insecurities onto their partners, sometimes leading to conflicts that stem more from personal fears than the actual situation.

In this case, his concerns about travel may reflect deeper anxieties about stability and trust in the relationship.

Comment from u/Astronomer_Original

Comment from u/Dog-Mom2012

Healthy communication about career goals and expectations can help mitigate feelings of resentment or insecurity.

Couples who engage in open dialogue about their ambitions tend to create a stronger support system, which benefits both partners.

Comment from u/MiniMages

Comment from u/TarzanKitty

He frames it like a values clash, saying he wants stability and a more family-focused life, while OP points out she also had her own timeline and boundaries from the beginning.

For example, scheduling regular check-ins about each partner's feelings towards work and travel can help maintain a strong connection.

Additionally, exploring couples therapy could provide a safe space for both partners to express their fears and aspirations without judgment.

Comment from u/Dazzling_Suspect_239

Comment from u/WriterMedusa

Exploring Individual Values

individuals often bring their childhood experiences into adult relationships.

This is kind of like the friend who tried to stay rent-free, forcing the OP to set boundaries.

Comment from u/firedncr24

Comment from u/KrofftSurvivor

The “pack your bags and leave” line lands hard, especially because OP admits she’s started caring about his values too, not just her own ambition.

It's also important for both partners to identify what love means to them and how it coexists with ambition.

Research indicates that aligning values can significantly improve relationship satisfaction and foster a more supportive environment.

Couples should consider engaging in activities that promote emotional intimacy, such as shared hobbies or joint decision-making, to strengthen their bond.

Comment from u/GibsonGirl55

Comment from u/Glittering-War-3809

How would you handle this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Comment from u/Downtown-Tomato2552

Comment from u/Optimal_Emu_353

Comment from u/Dovecote2

Comment from u/Hopeful-Storm-

Comment from u/mexbiker85

Comment from u/Gheerdan

Comment from u/Adventurous-Rope-142

Comment from u/KrofftSurvivor

And that’s why the decision feels impossible: four weeks of travel a year versus the fear of saying no to a dream and wondering “what if” forever.

The dilemma faced by the woman seeking a promotion reflects a broader theme in relationships: the challenge of balancing personal ambition with romantic partnerships. Her boyfriend's objections underscore the importance of mutual support and understanding, which are vital for a healthy relationship. Open communication about individual aspirations and the fears they may evoke is crucial, as it can prevent misunderstandings and resentment from taking root. By acknowledging each other's goals, couples can turn what might be perceived as a conflict into a chance for deeper connection and growth, ultimately enriching both their personal and professional lives.

He might be right that OP can’t have both, but nobody should have to “pack their bags” to find out.

For another family blowup, read what happened when she refused to lend her sister money after luxury splurges.