BIL Drank My Pumped Milk That Was "Smelling Bad," AITA For Being Disgusted And Losing My Cool?

Family gatherings can be a mix of joy and tension, as they often bring out the best and worst in people. For many, these events are opportunities to reconnect with loved ones, but they can also lead to uncomfortable situations.

In some cases, these gatherings can be even more challenging for new parents, who must navigate the added stress of caring for an infant. OP is a mom, attending her in-laws' family gathering with her husband and 8-month-old baby.

She pumps her breast milk to store in the cooler for her baby. Arriving late at her in-laws, she had noticed the stored milk was smelling weird so she decided to throw it away.

But first, the OP kept the breast milk by the sink because her baby was hungry and she had to prepare another meal for the baby. OP's BIL took the breast milk while she was busy feeding the baby and you wouldn't believe what he did next.

He pulled out shot glasses, poured the breast milk and offered it to her husband. OP's husband laughed and poured his glass in the sink but the BIL went ahead to drink his.

Unbelievable, right? His actions have caused the OP to react, even though she tried to brush off her feelings. Read the full story below to get the whole details.

The OP writes...

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It was a small family gathering over the weekend with OP's husband's close family

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The husband's brother Josh pulled out shot glasses and poured the breast milk

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Understanding Parental Reactions

Dr. Becky Kennedy, a child psychologist, emphasizes that parental reactions in stressful situations are often a reflection of deeper emotional stressors. In her practice, she observes that new parents frequently face overwhelming feelings of anxiety and fear about their parenting choices.

These emotional responses can lead to losing one's cool, especially in high-pressure environments like family gatherings. Kennedy suggests that parents can benefit from mindfulness techniques to help manage their emotions, ensuring better responses in challenging situations.

Navigating Family Expectations

Dr. Janet Lansbury, a parenting expert, advises that new parents should anticipate potential conflicts during family gatherings. She emphasizes the need for clear communication and setting expectations regarding their parenting methods.

In her experience, when parents openly discuss their preferences with family members beforehand, it can significantly reduce misunderstandings and stress. By fostering an environment of respect and understanding, new parents can navigate these gatherings more smoothly and confidently.

OP's MIL said that it's not like he took the milk from the baby

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The comments roll in...

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It's gross all around

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A family dynamics expert notes that family gatherings can precipitate stress for new parents. They often juggle the expectations of extended family while trying to care for their infants, which can lead to heightened feelings of frustration.

Recognizing this, experts recommend setting boundaries before attending family events. Discussing these boundaries with relatives can help alleviate pressure and create a more supportive environment for new parents.

No cheap jokes

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It's weird and strange

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The OP left this update later on...

I went through most of the comments throughout the day and saw perspectives from both sides. Some people agree with me and see this as a violation while some don't which is fine. I think it all comes down to how people view breastfeeding/breastmilk in general, for some it's just milk for some (and for me) it's deeply personal. I would not hesitate to donate to a baby but a grown ass man or a body builder drinking is not cool with me.I called my FIL and apologised for my reaction. He was understanding about my perspective and apologised for not saying anything. We are good.I forwarded the post to my husband. We haven't had a chat yet (he is at work) but I am hoping he understands where I was coming from.For Josh, I am not getting him a bib for Christmas as someone commented (though that would be funny) but when I calm down I will have a chat with him.

The comments continues...

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Emotional Regulation Strategies

According to Dr. Daniel Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist and author, emotional regulation is crucial for navigating stressful family dynamics. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and understanding one's emotional triggers, especially as a parent.

Dr. Siegel suggests practicing techniques like deep breathing or visualization to ground oneself during high-stress moments. By focusing on these techniques, parents can better manage their reactions, creating a more harmonious environment for themselves and their children.

The OP's allowed to be upset

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This Redditor is disgusted

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The rule of thumb

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Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, a child development expert, highlights that new parents often experience guilt and anxiety, particularly regarding their feeding choices. Her research shows that these feelings can be exacerbated in social settings where their parenting decisions are scrutinized.

To combat these feelings, Bryson recommends engaging in open dialogues about parenting choices with family members. This fosters an understanding atmosphere, allowing parents to feel more supported rather than judged.

It's clear the incident left the OP feeling disrespected and bitter. She's left wondering if she was overreacting or if her in-laws truly didn't understand the intimacy of breastfeeding.

As the family gathering came to a close, OP couldn't help but feel like she was the only one who saw the situation for what it truly was. From her update, it's clear she's willing to resolve the whole issue and has taken steps towards it.

Share your thoughts about this story in the comments section below and share as well.

Expert Opinion

This situation highlights how deeply personal and emotional breastfeeding can be for new parents, often tied to feelings of vulnerability and attachment. The brother-in-law's actions may stem from a lack of understanding of these feelings, showcasing a disconnect in how different family members perceive the significance of breast milk. It's a classic case of boundaries being crossed, leading to feelings of disrespect, which can provoke strong emotional reactions, especially in such a sensitive context.

Building Healthier Patterns

In summary, family gatherings can be particularly challenging for new parents due to emotional stress and external pressures. Experts highlight the importance of self-awareness and communication to mitigate these challenges. Techniques like mindfulness and open dialogue can significantly improve the experience for both parents and their families. Understanding that reactions often stem from deeper emotional states can lead to healthier interactions. By employing these strategies, parents can create a more supportive environment, making family gatherings a time for connection rather than conflict.