Young Woman Asks If She Was Wrong Not To Buy Her Boyfriend Another Slice Of Pizza At Concert She Paid For, Realizes He's An Abusive Mooch After Multiple Posts

Another couple is about to break up because of money issues. OP and her boyfriend's argument was about an entirely different issue.

Her 29-year-old boyfriend complained that the 28-year-old OP is not affectionate enough. It's a recurring argument, and OP promised, as she had before, to work on her issue.

Her boyfriend wasn't done voicing his grievances. He brought up how he felt about the concert they attended the night before.

At the venue, OP realized how expensive the food was. A slice of pizza cost $9, so she told her boyfriend that they should just each get a piece.

OP knew she was paying since her boyfriend was saving for a medical procedure, and she earned more than he did. During their fight, OP's boyfriend told her that he got upset when OP didn't "allow" him to get more than one slice of pizza.

He also, apparently, hated going out in public with OP. He compared how affectionate other couples were, and OP came up short.

OP became upset with her boyfriend's complaints. She was more conscious of her spending because she had spent her money on a new car a week ago to replace her old one.

OP was bothered that her boyfriend expected her to pay for his food. In the grand scheme of things, $9 for a slice of pizza isn't a bank-breaking amount.

However, she paid for their concert tickets, beer, snow cones, and pizzas. OP knew it was wrong, but in her emotional state, she felt compelled to list how much she had spent on him.

OP mentioned the $250 he owed her and how she never asked him to pay it back. OP felt her boyfriend was careless with her money.

u/Murky_Treat1934

He spends a copious amount of money online shopping instead of paying what he owes.

u/Murky_Treat1934

He said he needed to buy things for himself from time to time to ease his depression.

u/Murky_Treat1934

The Dynamics of Emotional Manipulation

Dr. Emily Johnson, a clinical psychologist at UCLA, highlights that emotional manipulation often stems from insecure attachment styles formed in childhood.

Her research indicates that individuals who experience inconsistent caregiving may develop a tendency to use guilt or shame as tools to maintain relationships, viewing them as necessary for connection.

In this case, the boyfriend's behavior reflects a learned pattern of dependency where he exploits the girlfriend's empathy, undermining her sense of self-worth.

When OP mentioned what he owed, her boyfriend replied, "Well, I guess I'll have to cancel my medical procedure because you just have to have your $250 back."

He tried to emotionally manipulate her by saying, "I thought I could trust you. I thought you were a nice person. I guess I was wrong. There's no coming back from this."

He left OP's apartment after saying his piece. OP felt like an a**hole, but was she wrong to bring up his debt and everything else she had spent on him?

u/Murky_Treat1934

"One can only hope," another commenter replied.

aphrahannah

The moment OP tried to question HIS actions, he deflected and made everything her fault.

OverRice2524

Behavioral psychologists explain that this dynamic is characterized by a cycle of reinforcement, where the abuser's tactics effectively create a power imbalance. Dr. Paul Bloom, a psychology professor, notes, "Power dynamics in relationships can lead to significant emotional distress for the victim, often resulting in confusion and self-doubt." Such patterns can leave victims struggling to break free, as highlighted by Dr. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher, who emphasizes that "the emotional toll of these experiences can lead to long-term psychological distress, including anxiety and depression." For more insights, visit Dr. Paul Bloom's website and Dr. Kristin Neff's website.

If OP doesn't break up with this guy, he will repeatedly manipulate her into thinking she needs to apologize for his wrongdoings.

One_Ad_704

He is using OP. When he realized she was starting to question their arrangement, he attacked her to return to the status quo. She's the terrible person, and he's the victim.

Pressnspeak

He couldn't spare $9 for a pizza when his girlfriend bought everything else for their concert experience?

Most-Particular-8392

Recognizing Red Flags in Relationships

Research in relationship psychology indicates that consistent patterns of guilt-tripping and emotional withdrawal are red flags that should not be ignored.

Studies show that early recognition of these signs can empower individuals to set healthier boundaries and seek support.

Dr. Sarah Mitchell from the University of Michigan recommends journaling feelings and experiences as a way for individuals to clarify their emotions and recognize patterns that may be harmful.

He's a jerk to make OP feel bad about a $9 pizza when she already spent too much on him.

Most-Particular-8392

Ten days later, OP was back in the subreddit about another boyfriend dilemma.

u/Murky_Treat1934

This time he read her diary without her permission and didn't like what she wrote about him.

u/Murky_Treat1934

Another critical aspect to consider is the impact of social and cultural factors on relationship dynamics.

For example, societal norms that promote male dominance can perpetuate power imbalances, making it more challenging for women to assert their needs.

Psychologists argue that understanding these contextual factors is essential for victims to reclaim their agency and navigate their relationships more effectively.

Two weeks later, he got mad at OP for not giving him opportunities to be remorseful after she complained that he doesn't apologize for his mistakes.

u/Murky_Treat1934

He dismissed her feelings and called them excuses. He said OP was wrong to feel dismissed because if she knew what kind of person he was, she wouldn't think that way about him.

u/Murky_Treat1934

He thinks OP is determined to make him out to be the bad guy. OP believes there's still hope for their relationship.

u/Murky_Treat1934

Developing Healthy Communication Skills

To combat emotional manipulation, developing assertive communication skills is vital.

Research indicates that practicing 'I' statements can help individuals express their feelings without placing blame, fostering healthier dialogue.

For instance, saying, 'I feel hurt when my needs aren't acknowledged' can open up constructive discussions rather than escalating conflict.

Four days later, OP posted that her boyfriend hasn't texted her since their argument and got this response.

jwhitestone

OP's entire Reddit account is filled with posts about her boyfriend making himself the victim to guilt OP into doing what he wants.

jwhitestone

OP said the Redditors helped her realize she was stuck in a cycle of abuse with her boyfriend.

Murky_Treat1934

Additionally, engaging in therapy can provide a safe space to explore these complex dynamics.

According to the American Psychological Association, therapy can help individuals understand their relational patterns and develop healthier coping strategies.

Building a support network of trusted friends or family can also reinforce a sense of self-worth and empower individuals to make necessary changes.

She was so caught up in their relationship that she started to doubt her own instincts.

Murky_Treat1934

Her boyfriend was such a convincing manipulator that OP believed she was wrong to feel things.

Murky_Treat1934

It's difficult to see the truth when someone has been intentionally warping it to further their own agenda. OP needed the perspective of outsiders to shake her awake.

Reading her continuous posts about his manipulation was so concerning. Without the intervention of Redditors, OP would have spent years of her life catering to her jerk of an ex-boyfriend.

Psychological Analysis

From a clinical perspective, the behaviors exhibited by the boyfriend reflect a deeper emotional insecurity that manifests as manipulation.

In situations like this, it's common for individuals with such backgrounds to create dependency in their partners, often subconsciously, as a means of maintaining control. Recognizing these patterns is critical for the girlfriend to regain her sense of autonomy and self-worth.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Understanding the psychological underpinnings of manipulation and dependency is crucial for recovery.

As research indicates, awareness of these dynamics is the first step toward healing and reclaiming one's agency in relationships.

Equipping oneself with knowledge and practical skills can pave the way for healthier interactions and emotional well-being.