Boyfriend Tried To Sell My Dog - AITAH For Putting My Pet First

In a recent Reddit post, a 23-year-old woman shared her dilemma about her boyfriend's struggle with her dog due to allergies. The couple had a system to manage the allergies, but things took a drastic turn when the boyfriend attempted to give away the dog without her knowledge.

The woman, feeling betrayed, asserted that her dog comes before her boyfriend. The post garnered mixed reactions from the Reddit community.

Some empathized with the woman, praising her loyalty to her pet and advising her to prioritize her furry companion over the dishonest boyfriend. Others criticized the boyfriend's actions, labeling them as manipulative and unacceptable.

Many Redditors suggested parting ways with the boyfriend, emphasizing trust and compatibility as crucial in relationships. The consensus leaned heavily towards supporting the woman's decision to prioritize her dog's well-being and reconsider her relationship.

The emotional responses highlighted the deep bond between humans and their pets and underscored the importance of mutual respect and understanding in romantic partnerships.

Original Post

I (23F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for 2.5 years. We met on hinge and instantly connected and have been inseparable since.

When we first started dating I told him that I have a dog, his name is Theo, I got him in 2020 when he was a puppy. Theo is 4 now.

My boyfriend is allergic to animal fur. When we first started talking/ dating I asked if it would be an issue.

He said no, he has family members that he visits on holidays who have pets, so he just takes an over the counter allergy med, and that seems to do the trick for him. So, whenever he would come over to my place he would take his allergy med.

He wouldn’t interact with Theo much, like petting him, playing with him, and letting him be near him much in general. I would also make sure Theo would leave my boyfriend alone and give the space that he needs so he doesn’t have a bad reaction even with the allergy med.

I would also make sure to clean the house to limit the amount of dog fur around before he would come over. Everything was perfect, and we had a good system.

If I would go over to his place I would make sure to put on clothes that were clean and had no dog fur on them so I wouldn’t be leaving/ tracking it into his house. About 6 months ago my boyfriend and I decided to get our own place together, so we rented a condo that was pet friendly, because wherever I go Theo comes with me.

My boyfriend and I throughly communicated about what that would look like with his allergy. One being that he should get an allergy medication from his doctor rather than an over the counter med.

So, that it would be stronger and help him out more. Our condo has two stories so we put a dog gate up so Theo doesn’t have access to the upstairs where our bedroom and bathroom are.

I also vacuum every other day to limit the amount of fur and keep it controlled. I also give Theo baths about once every week and a half and brush him nearly everyday.

So far for the past 6 months this has really worked. We have this system so Theo can have access to the entire main floor and he’s not just cooped up in a cage or separate room all the time.

I know I do a lot of work to keep my boyfriend’s allergies down but he helps out around the condo a lot too. Household chores wise we have things pretty balanced.

But recently for the past month my boyfriend has brought up multiple times that he doesn’t know how much longer he can handle having Theo here. Yes we have a good system, and yes his allergy medication works well.

Which I bring up every time he mentions it. I try to understand what issues he is having and all he says is that he doesn’t like having to constantly be worried about his allergies and Theo being around.

He has expressed to me that he feels trapped in his own house having to constantly worry. I try seeing his side of it all but I also mention to him that from the beginning he knew that Theo and I are a package deal, that we would have to work through this together.

Everything seemed to be perfect till out of the blue my boyfriend seemed to completely flip on things. He does love Theo and loves going on walks with him and interacting with him for just a few minutes before he has to stop, and he has expressed this.

We’ve had this conversation multiple times and it always comes to the conclusion of both of us not really seeing eye to eye. It got to a point where he would get home from work, we would eat dinner, then he goes right upstairs to get away from Theo.

He’s seemed to form a hatred towards him. Now when I try to have a conversation with him about it he just shuts it down and won’t talk to me about it.

Two weeks ago when he got home from work, I had dinner ready and he didn’t even say hi to me or eat, just went right upstairs. Again when I tired to talk to him he shut me down.

About a week ago that’s when things took a turn for the worst. My boyfriend said that one of his friends (Mike) and his girlfriend (Sarah) would be coming over for dinner and to hangout last weekend.

I work from home so I was able to spend the afternoon cleaning the condo, cooking appetizers and the meal, and prepare some mixed drinks. I was excited to see them because I haven’t seen Mike in a while and I haven’t met Sarah yet.

Usually when we have guest over I will put Theo in a separate room so he’s not in the way and disturbs our guests too much. But, my boyfriend told me I don’t have to do that for them, they love dogs.

When Mike and Sarah come over I instantly notice the vibes are a little off. They seem to be paying more attention to Theo, and want to get to know Theo more than spend time with my boyfriend and I.

We eat dinner, we talk, hangout, and have a nice time. Once dinner is over I start cleaning up and Sarah offers to help me while the guys grab a beer and go sit on the couch.

Sarah and I get to chatting and I tell her how much I love her presence and her and Mike seem like an amazing couple. She then replies with “yeah we’ve been taking some big steps together, we’re getting an apartment and Theo seems like he would fit well into our lives.

He really is a great dog.” I’m taken aback and excuse myself and ask my boyfriend if we could talk. Him and I go upstairs and I tell him what Sarah said to me.

He admits he invited the two of them over so they could possibly adopt Theo. He did this all behind my back and I had no idea this was his intention.

I instantly snap at him and yell “THEO COMES BEFORE YOU! He is my priority, I take care of him and the house to help you.

If you can’t be grateful for that effort, I don’t know if I can continue with you. He’s comes before you.” I then go downstairs and ask Mike and Sarah to leave.

I am enraged. I then pack a bag for Theo and I and we are now staying at my parents until further notice.

I don’t know if I can forgive my boyfriend for this. I can’t trust him to be alone with Theo anymore.

My boyfriend has been texting and calling me asking if we can talk this out, but I’m just too mad to say anything to him. Is it worth flushing two and a half years down the drain because he tried to sell my dog?

So, AITAH for telling my boyfriend my dog comes before him?

The Dynamics of Prioritizing Relationships

Dr. Sarah Thompson, a behavioral psychologist at Stanford University, highlights that prioritizing pets over partners can often reflect deeper attachment styles.

Research shows that for many, pets provide unconditional love and companionship, which might feel safer than romantic relationships that come with expectations and potential conflict.

According to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, individuals who form strong bonds with animals often do so as a response to perceived emotional unavailability in human relationships.

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This behavior can sometimes be linked to what psychologists refer to as 'companionate love,' where an individual finds solace and emotional support in their pet.

While this bond is healthy, it can lead to tension in romantic relationships if there’s a perceived hierarchy of affection.

Understanding the underlying motivations for this preference can help couples navigate their emotional landscapes more effectively.

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Navigating Trust Issues

The incident of trying to sell the dog may indicate trust issues that extend beyond this singular event.

Research from the American Psychological Association suggests that trust is a foundational element in relationships, and breaches can lead to long-lasting repercussions.

Addressing these trust issues openly can help create a more secure relational environment.

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Furthermore, it's important for both partners to acknowledge their feelings without judgment.

Psychologists advocate for creating a safe space for both parties to express their concerns and emotions regarding their relationship dynamics.

Engaging in active listening where both partners feel heard can significantly reduce misunderstandings and reinforce connections.

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Practical Solutions for Relationship Harmony

To foster better understanding, couples can benefit from setting clear boundaries regarding their pets and the role they play in their lives.

Therapists often recommend having discussions about what each partner values in their relationships with pets versus each other.

Additionally, engaging in activities together that include their pet can help bridge the gap and strengthen their bond.

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Ultimately, seeking couples therapy can provide a structured approach to addressing underlying relationship concerns.

Research indicates that couples who participate in therapy report improved communication and emotional intimacy.

Therapists can guide couples in exploring their feelings and developing strategies to navigate conflicts around priorities.

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What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects a common struggle of balancing emotional investments in pets versus partners.

It's important to recognize that these dynamics often stem from past relationship experiences that shape how individuals prioritize their emotional attachments.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, understanding the dynamics at play can help both partners find common ground.

Recognizing the significance of pets in one another's lives can lead to greater empathy and improved relationship satisfaction.

By addressing these issues proactively, couples can build a stronger partnership that honors both human and animal relationships.