Can I Date My Best Friends Crush After Her Rejection?

A 27-year-old woman is staring at the messiest love triangle imaginable, and it all started with a confession that flipped everything. Her best friend, Emma, has had a crush on their mutual friend, Alex, for years, the kind of crush that becomes part of the friend group’s background noise.

Then Alex drops a bomb: his feelings are for the OP, not Emma. Suddenly, the OP feels a real spark, but Emma is devastated and still has to watch all of this unfold in the same circle of friends. So now it’s not just “can I date him,” it’s “will this break the bond that’s held her together?”

Here’s the part that makes it brutal: Emma already got rejected, and the OP might be the reason it happens all over again.

Original Post

I'm (27F) in a tight spot and could really use some advice. So here's the deal: my best friend, Emma, has had a crush on our mutual friend Alex for years.

She's always talked about how much she likes him, but he never seemed to reciprocate those feelings. Recently, Alex confessed to me that he actually has feelings for me, not Emma.

This came as a shock because I've never thought of Alex in that way before. But the more we talked and spent time together, I realized that there might be something between us.

I talked to Emma about it, and she was devastated. She said she understood if we wanted to be together, but deep down, I know it hurts her.

Now, I'm torn. On one hand, I can't help who I have feelings for, and it seems like Alex and I could have a great relationship.

On the other hand, I don't want to hurt Emma or ruin our friendship. She's been there for me through everything, and I don't want to betray her trust.

I'm afraid that if I pursue things with Alex, it will damage my friendship with Emma irreparably. But if I don't, am I missing out on a chance for real happiness?

So, Reddit, would I be the a*****e if I started dating my best friend's crush after she rejected him? I honestly don't know what to do.

WIBTA?

The Complicated Web of Feelings

This situation hits home for a lot of people. The OP is torn between her friendship with Emma and her budding feelings for Alex, who was initially off-limits. It’s almost a classic love triangle but with a twist—the fact that Emma has already faced rejection adds another layer of complexity. While Alex may not have been Emma's boyfriend, his history as her crush makes the potential relationship feel like a betrayal. Readers can’t help but feel for all parties involved, as the emotional stakes are incredibly high.

It's important to note that feelings aren't always rational. The OP may genuinely like Alex, but pursuing him could lead to a rift with her best friend. This dilemma resonates because many have been in similar situations where desire clashes with loyalty, creating a moral grey area that leaves everyone questioning their next move.

Emma’s been talking about Alex for years, so when Alex says he likes the OP instead, it lands like a betrayal even if nobody meant it.

Comment from u/taco_lover_88

YTA if you go for Alex. No guy is worth destroying a friendship. Bros before hoes, girl. You should support Emma and help her get over him, not swoop in and date the guy she likes. That's shady.

Comment from u/purple_raindrops_22

NTA. Love is unpredictable. If you and Alex have a real connection, don't let it go for the sake of someone else's feelings. Emma will get over it eventually. You deserve to be happy too.

Comment from u/ginger_snap_09

NAH. It's a tough situation, but you can't control who you have feelings for. Emma will need time to heal, but if she's a true friend, she'll understand that it's not intentional. Just be gentle with her.

Comment from u/rainbow_skies777

YTA. Betraying a friend for a guy is a low move. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Put yourself in Emma's shoes. Don't risk a meaningful friendship for a potential relationship.

The OP tries to be honest, talks to Emma about the possibility, and watches Emma go from hopeful to devastated in real time.

Comment from u/coffee_crazy_girl

NTA. You can't help who you fall for. Emma will have to understand that your feelings for Alex are genuine. It's a tough situation, but you have to prioritize your own happiness too.

This gets messy like the love triangle where OP hid feelings from her best friend while her crush stayed in the middle, per that moral dilemma.

Comment from u/inky_doodles

ESH. Emma needs to move on and respect Alex's feelings for you. But you also need to consider the impact on your friendship. Communication is key here. Talk openly with both of them before making a decision.

Comment from u/quirky_penguin_95

NTA. Love is complicated. If there's a real connection between you and Alex, you shouldn't ignore it because of Emma's feelings. Just be honest and respectful in how you handle the situation.

As the OP spends more time with Alex and realizes there might be something real, the “what if” starts feeling a lot less hypothetical.

Comment from u/sunny_sideup22

YTA. Dating your best friend's crush is a betrayal, plain and simple. You should prioritize your friendship over a potential relationship. It's not worth damaging a long-lasting bond.

Comment from u/starlight_dreams33

NTA. Feelings are complex and sometimes uncontrollable. Emma may be hurt at first, but true friends understand and support each other. Pursue your happiness, but be considerate of Emma's feelings too.

Comment from u/moonlit_melody

NAH. It's a delicate situation, but ultimately, you have to follow your heart. If there's a genuine connection between you and Alex, it's worth exploring. Just ensure you handle the fallout with Emma sensitively and honestly.

Now the OP is stuck between dating Alex and protecting Emma from the exact kind of heartbreak she already took on.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

Community Reactions: Divided Opinions

The Reddit community's response to this dilemma has been fascinatingly divided. Some commenters argue that the OP should absolutely go for it, emphasizing that feelings can’t be helped and that Emma's rejection clears the way for a romantic pursuit. Others have pointed out that friendship should come first, suggesting that the OP could be risking a valuable relationship with Emma for a crush that may not hold long-term potential.

This debate highlights a broader societal tension between individual desires and collective responsibilities. People are weighing the value of personal happiness against the risk of hurting a friend.

This story underscores the delicate balance between love and friendship, reminding us that the heart doesn’t always play by the rules of loyalty. It raises crucial questions: Is it fair to pursue someone your friend liked, even after rejection? And how do you weigh personal happiness against the potential fallout in your friendships?

Why This Matters

The original poster's situation reflects the common struggle between loyalty and personal desire.

If the OP chooses Alex, she might find love, but she could also lose Emma’s trust for good.

Ready for the friendship fallout, see what happened when OP considered dating their best friend’s ex.