A Neighbor Thought They Were Helping, But Ended Up Feeling Trapped Caring For Someone Else’s Parent
OP’s porch became a waiting room
Helping neighbors is often seen as part of living in a community. A little support can go a long way, especially when it comes to lending a hand with everyday challenges. But sometimes, kindness can be misunderstood, leaving one person feeling pressured into responsibilities they never agreed to.
That’s what happened to an OP who found themselves in a very uncomfortable situation. Their neighbor began leaving an elderly parent on OP’s porch while running errands.
At first, OP accepted it, wanting to be helpful. However, it quickly became a regular habit. Hours would pass with the elderly woman sitting outside, while OP felt stressed and unable to focus on their own life and work.
The real issue was not the woman herself but the responsibility placed on OP without consent. Although the neighbor insisted there was no need to “watch” her, OP could not ignore the worry. If something happened - a fall, sudden illness, or even a minor accident - the guilt and potential blame would fall on OP.
That thought created ongoing tension. OP explained they already have their own deadlines, problems, and commitments, and the added pressure of being forced into an unofficial caregiver role felt unfair.
They pointed out how surprising it is that someone could leave their own relative outside with so little concern, something OP would not even do with a pet. This situation highlights how boundaries are essential, even in neighborly relationships.
Being compassionate does not mean taking on risks or obligations you never agreed to. OP made it clear they could not continue in this role, and their feelings show how important it is for people to respect each other’s limits.
Original Post
RedditOriginal Post
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OP is right to be concerned about what might happen if something goes wrong.
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She needs to be in a nursing home.
RedditOP needs to protect themselves and call the police.
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This is completely unacceptable.
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OP should let them know that they intend to contact senior care or city services.
RedditOP should consider reporting the situation as potential elder neglect.
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"If she shows up again, CALL THE POLICE!"
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OP needs to call the authorities.
RedditIt’s a clear case of neglect and misuse.
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If she gets hurt on OP's property, OP will be liable.
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One time is helping out. Twice, and it's part of the job.
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Expert Opinion
This situation really highlights the importance of boundaries in relationships, even among neighbors. When someone feels pressured to take on responsibilities without consent, it can lead to resentment and stress, which is exactly what the OP experienced. Their instinct to protect their own well-being while advocating for proper care for the elderly woman shows a healthy understanding of compassion balanced with self-care—an essential psychological principle in maintaining healthy relationships.
OP is right to recognize that the situation is unsustainable. While compassion for an elderly neighbor is admirable, being left with responsibility without consent is unfair.
The stress, worry, and risk of something happening would inevitably fall on OP, even if the neighbor insists otherwise. Boundaries are necessary, especially when someone’s personal time, work, and peace of mind are affected.
OP should continue to make it clear that they cannot take on this role, while encouraging the neighbor to arrange proper care for their parent. Acting firmly is not unkind - it is the only way to protect both OP’s well-being and the safety of the elderly woman.
