Couple’s Chess Hobby Turns Sour Due To Girlfriend’s Habit Of Blowing Up When Losing
On this occasion, she flipped the chess board. But her boyfriend wasn’t going to let this one slide.
The OP of this story explained that he grew up in a family that treated chess almost like a second language, and by adulthood, he had the rating of a thoroughbred expert.
His girlfriend came into the game much later, learning the basics from him a few years back. She paused for a bit, then got back into it recently and plays online at a level that matches her skills.
They also play together almost every day on a real board, which should’ve been a sweet ritual. Instead, the pattern usually ends the same way.
OP wins every match, partly because he’s much more advanced and partly because he stopped giving her soft wins once she reached an intermediate level.
He explained that he wants the games to feel real, which would ultimately make her a better player over time.
Unfortunately, the consistent losses didn’t sit well with her. Each time he pulled ahead, she grew a little tense, which was obvious in her countenance.
This continued for a while until one day, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She snapped and flipped the board in their last game when she figured that her loss was drawing close.
It wasn’t playful or teasing. She was genuinely angry…and to OP, that was a tad too far.
He voiced out his displeasure, telling her to stick to online games till she was good enough to play him.
At the moment, things are tense between the couple. In addition, this situation has raised many questions in OP’s mind about his reaction and the future of their relationship.
You can read the full screenshots below to see how everything unfolded.
Let’s dig into the details
Reddit.comA bit of background
Reddit.comOP’s girlfriend doesn’t take losses very well. On this occasion, she got upset and flipped the board over
Reddit.com
Understanding Competitive Dynamics
Dr. Susan David, an expert in emotional agility, emphasizes that games like chess can reveal underlying emotional patterns. These patterns often surface during competition, highlighting how individuals react to stress and loss.
In her research, David notes that emotional responses are not just about the game at hand, but also reflect deeper personal issues. Recognizing these triggers can help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms, transforming frustration into an opportunity for growth.
Practical Steps to Improve Gameplay
Experts recommend implementing specific strategies to enhance the chess experience for couples. Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher on relationships, suggests engaging in 'turn-taking' during gameplay, where both partners alternate between making moves and discussing their strategies.
This practice not only encourages collaboration but also helps to alleviate the pressure of competition. Additionally, taking breaks during intense games allows for emotional regulation, ultimately promoting a healthier gaming experience for both players.
We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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“Either play with her in a way that's fun for both of you or have a discussion..”
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“I just think its so fundamentally f**lish for y'all to play period knowing your gonna win every time.”
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Relationship experts often suggest that healthy competition can enhance bonding between partners. According to Dr. John Van Epp, a relationship counselor, creating a supportive game environment can mitigate negative emotions.
He recommends establishing ground rules before playing, which can help manage expectations and reduce tensions. For instance, agreeing on how to handle mistakes or losses can foster a more positive atmosphere during gameplay, allowing both partners to enjoy the experience despite the competitive nature of chess.
“Ok, so she is clearly acting like a petulant child.”
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“Play closer to her level. You're being kind of cruel and she is also being a sore loser.”
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“But for the sake of your relationship work out whether she is frustrated to lose or frustrated that she isn't improving.”
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The Role of Communication
Dr. Pat Love, a relationship therapist, emphasizes the importance of open communication in navigating conflicts. She suggests that partners should discuss their feelings about losing in a game, as this can lead to better understanding and emotional support.
Creating a safe space for dialogue allows both individuals to express their frustrations without judgment. This approach not only enhances their gameplay experience but also strengthens their relationship by promoting empathy and mutual respect.
“Find a handicap that makes the game more even.”
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“You say fair game and all but this was never a fair game if you are in different levels.”
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“NTA, she's being extremely childish. Nothing wrong with bring frustrated when losing.”
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Psychologists note that competition can sometimes trigger anxiety, especially in high-stakes situations like personal relationships. Dr. Brené Brown recognizes that such dynamics often stem from a fear of vulnerability.
To mitigate this, she encourages individuals to focus on the joy of playing rather than solely on winning. By reframing the experience, couples can create an environment that prioritizes connection over competition, which could ultimately lead to more enjoyable interactions.
“NTA, and this should be obvious to anyone who is older than 9 years old.”
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Both of them walked into these matches with different expectations, and neither realized how much pressure had built up until the board flipped.
OP wanted fair games, and she wanted progress without feeling defeated every night.
Once emotions cool, we do hope they both sit down and have a proper conversation about this.
The game of chess is meant to be enjoyed. So, it’s sad to see it cause friction between lovers.
How would you have handled this situation if you were in OP’s shoes?
Expert Opinion
This situation highlights a common dynamic in relationships where different expectations can lead to conflict. The girlfriend's intense reaction likely stems from frustration not just over losing, but also from a desire for validation and improvement in a skill she's passionate about. Meanwhile, the boyfriend's insistence on fair play reflects his commitment to authenticity, but it overlooks her emotional needs, suggesting that a conversation about their differing motivations could help them both find a healthier way to engage in their shared hobby.Psychological Framework & Solutions
In conclusion, navigating the emotional complexities of competitive games like chess requires both awareness and communication. By understanding the underlying emotional triggers and implementing strategies to create a supportive environment, couples can transform potentially negative experiences into opportunities for growth.
Experts like Dr. Susan David and Dr. Pat Love remind us that emotional agility and open dialogue are key. Incorporating these insights can enhance not only the chess-playing experience but also the overall quality of the relationship.
