Men Who Used To Be Creepy Around Women Share What Prompted Them To Change
If you're unsure whether you're creepy or not, this might help
Some men are born creeps and some just behave like them, however, giving off creepy vibes can easily occur to anyone. The tiniest little detail can make a woman think you're creepy, and that can easily be avoided once you realize that the way you behave makes you unapproachable and scares people away.
Reddit user /rocketbot99 recently asked a very important question on r/AskReddit: "For men who used to be 'creepy' towards women and have since stopped, what was it that made you realize you were creepy that prompted you to change?". The replies were really eye-opening and I'm sure they also helped a lot of guys become "less creepy".
1. It took me recognizing that I was addicted to alcohol, tobacco, and sex...
...I had been aggressive toward women and objectifying them since I was a child. I think this happened because I was exposed to sex at such a young age. I thought all relationships were supposed to be how the movies and shows were, so I just emulated what I saw.Once I got sober, I realized how much of a monster I was and took the necessary steps to really implement change in my life. Lots of therapy. Lots of crying. Self-reflection as to why I was emulating that specific behavior, and quitting my addictions. It’s been a journey, but I’m happy to say that I’ve been in a loving, committed relationship with proper boundaries for a year now.
Candid_Shots2. I wasn't being actively creepy, but:
I used to think cat-calling was just flirtatious compliments, and who doesn't like those, right? >.> I never cat-called anybody, largely because that's not my personality type.But now I live by the motto: "Never say something to a stranger that you wouldn't want a big guy saying to you in prison."
Reddit/Alexis Brown3. One of the most eye-opening adages that helped me immensely was:
Men are afraid women will reject them; women are afraid men will kill them.' That helped me to change my interactions in a way that was less likely to set off alarm bells in a woman’s mind.
Reddit/nydailynews
Research indicates that social cues significantly impact how individuals perceive others' intentions. According to studies, behaviors often deemed 'creepy' can stem from misunderstandings or misinterpretations of social signals, highlighting the importance of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize and manage one's own emotions while also being aware of others' feelings. Developing this skill is essential, as research shows it facilitates healthier interpersonal interactions and leads to better relationship outcomes (Goleman, 1995).
Cognitive Shifts
Transformative change often requires a shift in cognitive patterns. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective in addressing negative thought processes that lead to perceived creepiness.
Studies indicate that CBT helps individuals recognize and reframe their thoughts, leading to improved social interactions and reduced anxiety. Engaging in CBT can empower individuals to replace maladaptive beliefs with healthier, more functional perspectives on social behavior.
Understanding Behavioral Change
Dr. Richard Ellis, a clinical psychologist, explains that behavioral change often results from profound self-reflection and personal experiences.
His research indicates that individuals who recognize their past behaviors as problematic are often motivated to change by a desire for healthier relationships.
This process requires a level of self-awareness and a willingness to confront uncomfortable truths.
4. Hearing women complain about something and thinking, Oh s**t, I've done that. It seriously has helped me improve on a lot of things.
Reddit/pixabay
5. I realized they weren't laughing because I was funny, they were laughing because they were scared
Reddit
6. When I broke up with my first serious girlfriend, I was totally heartbroken...
I called her all the time and cried on the phone. I even threatened to kill myself and told her so. This went on for some time. Eventually I threatened again to kill myself and went to bed drunk. I woke up to a voicemail from her, crying her eyes out and begging me not to do it.I was so ashamed about my behavior. I realized in that message what I had become. It was absolutely her right, as it was mine, to end a relationship at any time for any reason, without being hounded and traumatized by the ex. I was evil and toxic
Reddit
Behavioral Patterns
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes that effective communication is fundamental for healthy interactions. His research suggests that individuals who lack skills in reading nonverbal cues may inadvertently come off as 'creepy.'
These miscommunications can stem from social anxiety or low self-esteem, which often leads to awkwardness in social situations. Addressing these underlying issues through therapy or self-improvement strategies can significantly enhance one's social effectiveness and reduce perceived creepiness.
Studies show that social feedback plays a critical role in driving behavioral change.
When individuals receive constructive criticism from peers, it can trigger an internal dialogue that promotes growth and adaptation.
Encouraging honest conversations about past behaviors can facilitate this transformative process.
7. I had to explain to my 50 year old husband that young women do NOT find his interest a compliment
Reddit / yerling villalobos
8. I was 18 working at Six Flags. We got a new coworker at the ride I was mainly at and I took a liking to her instantly.
I tried talking with her constantly and "cutely" blocked her path multiple times. This was all on her first day. The next she didn't show back up.Thats when I realized I had harassed her, all she wanted to do is just work and get some extra cash and I added stupid stress to that.I don't interact with coworkers like that anymore. Even if I think I could have a chance, I leave them alone on that level.
TehPharaoh/NUWAN
9. My brother used to catcall women ALL THE TIME until once when I was with him.
He was driving, I was the passenger, and he yelled out to a woman in another car about how hot she looked. I turned to him and said very casually yet matter-of-factly, “You know, women hate it when men talk to us like that. It’s not flattering, it’s objectifying and disrespectful.” He got quiet, his eyes glazed over, and I saw him taking in what I’d just said. It had simply never occurred to him that what he was doing could be seen as anything other than flattering. He never, ever did it again, and I saw him grow into an extremely respectful person over the next couple of years.Sometimes all it takes is someone to make them aware. This is why women call on men to call out their guy friends for this type of behavior. Some men look at women as objects, and they don’t take us seriously. But, the same thing coming from your sister or one of their guy friends? Completely different reaction.
Barfignugen/Miikka Luotio
Social norms play a crucial role in shaping perceptions of behavior. Research shows that behaviors considered acceptable can vary widely across different contexts, cultures, and social settings.
For instance, a study by the American Psychological Association found that behaviors interpreted as creepy in one setting might be seen as endearing in another. Understanding these contextual differences can help individuals navigate social interactions more effectively, ensuring their behaviors align with situational expectations.
The Role of Self-Efficacy
Self-efficacy, or the belief in one's ability to succeed, is a powerful motivator for change.
Research indicates that individuals who perceive themselves as capable of change are more likely to take proactive steps towards improvement.
Building this belief can involve setting achievable goals and celebrating small victories along the way.
10. I realized that I wasn't a knight in shining armor, and they weren't princesses to be adored and saved.
Instead of trying to ingratiate myself with them, I stopped giving a f**k and just started casual conversations. If they gave curt responses and standoffish body language, I politely exited the conversation and moved on.
Reddit/pasja1000
11. I used to do that smirk thing when talking to women...
I thought it projected confidence, but then someone I worked with told me I should watch the creeper vibe, so I had to take a hard look at my mannerisms. Man, that must have been scary and off-putting. I’m sorry I did that, everyone
Reddit
12. Saw this answer some time ago...
... It was this dude that tried to confess to the girl he liked by going to her apartment and make her dinner with candles,flowers and all that s**t But then the girl came home and the first thing she said was " are you going to kill me"
ilovthebooty,Tomáš Vydržal
Practical Solutions
To improve social interactions, psychologists recommend practicing mindfulness and self-regulation techniques. These methods help individuals become more attuned to their emotional states and the reactions of others.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that mindfulness can enhance interpersonal skills and decrease anxiety in social situations. Techniques such as deep breathing, active listening, and reflective questioning can foster more positive interactions and reduce the likelihood of coming off as creepy.
Encouraging individuals to set realistic and attainable goals can significantly enhance their motivation to change.
Support systems, such as friends or therapy groups, can provide accountability and encouragement throughout this journey.
Recognizing and celebrating progress, no matter how small, can reinforce positive behaviors.
13. Pickup Artistry
Learning that pickup artistry is a massive grift meant to gamify social interactions with women for men who are socially isolated. Every pickup-artist tactic is just weird, toxic emotional abuse. Not only does it not work, but if it DID work, it would be morally abhorrent to do it
Reddit/sasint
14. I went out drinking with a bunch of my fellow Marines...
We were all in our early to mid twenties and some of us were Very good looking (not me). At the end of the night only one of us had gotten any numbers and that one guy had gotten several. He was like 5'6" (167cm) and more or less looked like a 12 year old. Took me a while to figure out why this was the case.When I realized that he was the only one of us that didn't look dangerous A Lot of things started making sense.
Reddit/Carlos Macías
15. I figured out that my being gay doesn’t change things...
...I never made a point to be careful about not making women uncomfortable because I always knew that I had no sexual intentions toward them and that they didn’t need to worry about any advances or anything.
Of course, that didn’t mean they knew that; or if they did, it didn’t change the fact that I’m a man and there are appropriate ways to behave around people.
Esosorum,Hans
Attachment theory provides valuable insights into how early relationships shape adult behaviors. Research indicates that insecure attachment styles can manifest in maladaptive social behaviors, including those perceived as creepy.
Dr. Phillip Shaver and Dr. Mario Mikulincer have found that individuals with insecure attachments often struggle with social cues and intimacy. Understanding one's attachment style and seeking therapy can lead to significant improvements in social confidence and connections.
The Impact of Social Norms
Social norms play a significant role in shaping behaviors and attitudes towards relationships.
Dr. Helen Moore, a sociologist, emphasizes that societal expectations can either inhibit or promote positive changes in behavior.
Understanding these norms can empower individuals to challenge harmful patterns and adopt healthier practices.
16. I'm not the creeper. My friend was.
We were out at a bar and he walked up to a girl and brushed her hair with his hand. How he explains it, he started to say, 'You have beautiful hair,' then got punched in the face by the girl and kicked out of the bar.We met him at the car after about 10 minutes of realizing he was gone — blood all over his face and just ashamed. I was with my wife and we were both confused as to why he would touch a stranger. He is now married and not a creeper. That was the night that opened his eyes to realizing that women are equals and not toys
Reddit/Alex Voulgaris
Engaging with supportive communities that share similar values can facilitate positive behavioral changes.
These communities often provide a safe space where individuals can discuss their experiences and learn from one another.
Such environments can foster resilience and encourage ongoing personal development.
Psychological Analysis
This discussion highlights how personal experiences and social feedback can catalyze meaningful change. Recognizing past behaviors and the impact they have on others is a crucial step in fostering healthier relationships. By engaging in self-reflection and seeking constructive criticism, individuals can embark on a transformative journey towards becoming their best selves.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Behavioral change is a complex process influenced by a variety of psychological factors.
According to research in psychology: 'Understanding the motivations behind our behaviors is essential for personal growth.'
Understanding the psychological underpinnings of social behaviors is crucial for promoting healthier interactions. The interplay of emotional intelligence, attachment styles, and cognitive patterns shapes how individuals navigate their relationships.
By fostering self-awareness and implementing strategies like mindfulness and cognitive-behavioral techniques, individuals can make significant strides in improving their social skills and reducing unwanted perceptions. Mental health professionals play a vital role in guiding this journey toward personal growth and healthier connections.
