Redditor Asks If He's An A**hole For Going Inside To Eat After His FIL Refused To Give Him Back His Custom Chair

A BBQ turned into a full-blown family standoff, and it started with something as small as a patio chair. A Redditor, a 6'8" “big guy” who weighs 398 pounds, says his FIL refused to give him back his custom chair after he tried to use it for dinner.

Here’s the complication: the chair was built for him when he was 18, because normal patio seating just does not work for his body. At family get-togethers, everyone can spot it right away, and he even has a backup oversized folding chair, but it is not comfortable for eating for long. Then, during a recent BBQ, his FIL decided he should get to sit in the special chair too.

When the grill was done, OP asked for it back, and his FIL said he was comfortable and would not move, so OP grabbed his food and went inside.

The Redditor asked if he's an a**hole for going inside to eat after his FIL took his patio chair.

Reddit/AggressiveBuyer7658

He explained that he is a "big guy" measuring 6'8" in height and weighing 398 pounds.

His FIL is also a large man at 6' and 200 pounds.

Family conflicts often arise from deeper issues related to boundaries and respect. In this case, the refusal to return a personal item can symbolize larger relational dynamics at play.

Research in familial psychology shows that conflicts over possessions can often reflect underlying feelings of control, entitlement, or unresolved tensions, indicating that this situation is not just about the chair but about the relationship itself.

The OP explained that, because of his size, he is unable to sit in a regular patio chair.

For that reason, the OP's father built him a custom chair when he was 18.

The OP says that whenever he and his wife have people over, it's very obvious which chair is his.

OP’s FIL basically claimed the custom chair like it was a community throne during the BBQ, and that is where the tension started to boil.

Emotional responses to perceived selfishness can trigger intense feelings of frustration and resentment.

Understanding this can be crucial for addressing the root causes of conflict and developing healthier relational dynamics.

He also has an oversized folding chair, but it's not as comfortable, especially if the OP needs to try to eat in it.

Recently, the OP and his wife had family over for a BBQ.

The OP's FIL decided that he should be allowed to sit in the special chair since he is also a big guy.

After the FIL refused to hand it back, OP did not just need the chair, he needed it to actually sit and eat without suffering through the oversized folding backup.

Boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy relationships. They provide a framework for what is acceptable behavior, helping individuals feel respected and valued. This suggests that both parties in the situation may benefit from discussing their expectations and feelings regarding personal possessions.

When the Redditor was finished grilling, he asked his FIL if he could please have his chair so that he could join everyone for dinner.

His FIL said he was comfortable and wasn't going to move.

So he took his food and went into his office to eat.

One effective strategy for addressing conflicts over boundaries is to engage in active listening. This involves not only hearing the other person's perspective but also validating their feelings.

This is similar to the AITA post where someone insisted on an equal bill split despite ordering less.

The OP's office is in the basement since it needs to be soundproof for his work.

When everyone realized that the OP had gone inside to find somewhere comfortable to sit, they started bugging the FIL to move.

The OP ate his meal and went back outside as soon as he was done, but his FIL was embarrassed by everyone pointing out his selfishness.

The moment OP took his dinner and headed into his office, it turned a simple request into a “who gets respect here” situation between father-in-law and son-in-law.

Finding Common Ground

Resolving conflicts often requires finding common ground.

He apologized, and the OP told him it was no problem.

However, the OP's wife told him he "behaved poorly" and caused tension between her parents.

Now the OP is wondering if he was the a**hole here.

Here's how people reacted.

Reddit/pineboxwaiting

NTA.

Reddit/Affectionate_Hat6293

"Your wife's an a**hole for not having your back."

Reddit/mca2021

"He embarrassed himself."

Reddit/tango421

He lost!

Reddit/pinkey_sue

Leaves a bad taste behind.

Reddit/Kind-Replacement5788

"You won that by not engaging."

Reddit/deleted

Now OP is wondering if walking inside to eat made him the a-hole, considering his FIL was the one refusing to move from his chair spot.

What are your thoughts on this situation? Do you think the OP was overreacting by going inside and ultimately causing his FIL to be embarrassed, or did his FIL embarrass himself with his selfishness?

We would love to hear your opinions on this. You can share your thoughts with us in the comment section.

In this situation, the intricacies of family dynamics become painfully apparent, particularly when personal boundaries are crossed. The Redditor's need for a custom chair is not merely a matter of comfort; it symbolizes a deeper issue of respect and understanding within familial relationships. The refusal of the father-in-law to return the chair can be seen as a dismissal of the Redditor's needs, highlighting the necessity for open communication to address such conflicts.

By fostering a culture of respect, the family could potentially transform this uncomfortable situation into an opportunity for growth. Healthy relationships are built on mutual understanding, and without it, interactions can quickly become fraught with tension, as seen in this case.

The family dinner did not end well, and OP is still stuck questioning whether he should have fought harder for his own chair.

For another “fairness” fight, see friends who ordered pricey dishes and still expected an even bill split.