Man Ignored By Family During Jail Time, Won't Help With Dad's Funeral After Getting Out

One of our greatest losses, for many people, is the death of a parent. A parent's passing signifies the end of a relationship we've known our entire lives, and saying goodbye to one is a life-changing experience.

We have no idea how our lives will be without our parents until it really occurs. Particularly when tragedy affects a parent—someone whose presence in your life may have never wavered—death's finality might seem almost unreal.

Yes, you've successfully completed growing up and reached adulthood, yet you would still require (and anticipate needing) your parents for many years to come. Even if their death was anticipated, the loss of their support, wisdom, and love can leave a tremendous void and sadness that may seem difficult to repair.

Or perhaps you and your parents had a tumultuous relationship or were estranged, which caused a roller coaster of conflicting feelings. The OP of today's story spent six years in jail, and neither his dad nor brother ever visited him once.

It hurt the OP more than he could imagine, and he admits to holding a bit of a grudge. Now, his dad is dead, and his elder brother is planning his funeral rites.

He reached out to the OP and asked him to help plan certain aspects of the service, but the OP refused.

The headline

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It hurt the OP more than he could imagine, and he has held a bit of a grudge

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OP's brother said that him being in prison was “shameful” to their dad

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The Dynamics of Family Relationships During Grief

Family dynamics can significantly shift during periods of grief, especially when past resentments surface. Research from the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that unresolved conflicts often resurface in the context of loss, complicating the mourning process.

In this case, the man's decision not to help with his father's funeral likely stems from feelings of abandonment during his incarceration. This response reflects a common psychological pattern where individuals may withdraw support as a protective mechanism against perceived emotional harm.

The Reddit post got hundreds of comments and we've gathered a bunch of them for you to read through below

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OP's the AH for this redditor

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They won't help the OP in life at all

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The psychological phenomenon known as the 'estrangement effect' suggests that individuals who feel neglected or abandoned are less likely to engage in supportive behaviors toward those they perceive as having caused their pain. According to studies published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, this can create a cycle of resentment that complicates family relationships.

In this scenario, the man's reluctance to assist may be a way of asserting boundaries in response to previous emotional neglect.

This Redditor can't imagine being in such a scary place

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The OP is welcome to his feelings

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The OP should possibly improve the relationship with his brother

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The Importance of Emotional Closure

Emotional closure is crucial in navigating family relationships, particularly during grieving processes. Researchers from Stanford University emphasize that addressing past grievances can facilitate healing and foster stronger family connections.

In this context, it would be beneficial for the man to engage in conversations about his feelings of abandonment and resentment. Acknowledging these emotions can pave the way for healing and reconciliation, thereby allowing for a more supportive family environment during the funeral.

It's important to know if the OP's crime stopped them from visiting

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They don't need the OP's shameful help

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The OP and his brother are working to heal

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To facilitate healing, seeking the assistance of a therapist can be invaluable. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore past hurts and develop healthier coping strategies. Research shows that individuals who engage in therapeutic processes during periods of grief often find it easier to navigate complex family dynamics and foster emotional resilience.

Developing a grief plan that includes open discussions about feelings can also help families address unresolved issues while honoring their loved one’s memory.

This Redditor has a similar story to share

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It takes a lengthy process to visit someone in prison

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Mourning is individualized

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The OP is in a really messy situation

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The OP's not obligated to do what he doesn't want

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OP's brother should respect his decisions

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This Redditor grew up with relatives in prison

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This isn't the time to air grievances

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No one owes anyone prison visitations

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People aren't disposable in most cases

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From someone whose brother is in jail

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Apparently, this story ignited a lot of questions from Redditors. Some wanted to know the crime the OP committed, while others were interested in knowing what the OP's previous record was like.

Some wanted to know if this was the last straw in a long line of arrests and criminal behavior, as they could see a family being fed up and distancing themselves after all that. However, the OP was declared the AH.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario illustrates how past conflicts can resurface during periods of grief, complicating family dynamics. The man's decision not to participate in the funeral planning reflects deep-seated feelings of abandonment. Understanding these emotional undercurrents is essential for fostering healing and connection within the family.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Navigating the complexities of family dynamics during grief can be challenging, particularly when past resentments come to the forefront. By fostering open communication and seeking therapeutic support, individuals can work toward healing and emotional closure. Research consistently highlights the importance of addressing underlying issues to promote healthier family relationships during times of loss.