Man Ignored By Family During Jail Time, Won't Help With Dad's Funeral After Getting Out

A man got ignored by his family while he was in jail, and now that he’s out, he’s not exactly lining up to help with his dad’s funeral. It’s one of those stories where everyone swears they’re being “reasonable,” but the hurt is clearly still fresh. So when the funeral came up, the OP refused to help, and the family acted like that was the final insult, not the result of everything that happened during the incarceration.

Now he’s stuck wondering if he’s holding onto something too long, or if the family earned every bit of his distance.

The headline

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It hurt the OP more than he could imagine, and he has held a bit of a grudge

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OP's brother said that him being in prison was “shameful” to their dad

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The Dynamics of Family Relationships During Grief

Family dynamics can significantly shift during periods of grief, especially when past resentments surface. Research from the Journal of Family Psychology indicates that unresolved conflicts often resurface in the context of loss, complicating the mourning process.

In this case, the man's decision not to help with his father's funeral likely stems from feelings of abandonment during his incarceration. This response reflects a common psychological pattern where individuals may withdraw support as a protective mechanism against perceived emotional harm.

The Reddit post got hundreds of comments and we've gathered a bunch of them for you to read through below

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OP's the AH for this redditor

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They won't help the OP in life at all

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The brother’s “shameful” comment about their dad during OP’s prison time is where the resentment really starts to stick.

The psychological phenomenon known as the 'estrangement effect' suggests that individuals who feel neglected or abandoned are less likely to engage in supportive behaviors toward those they perceive as having caused their pain.

In this scenario, the man's reluctance to assist may be a way of asserting boundaries in response to previous emotional neglect.

This Redditor can't imagine being in such a scary place

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The OP is welcome to his feelings

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The OP should possibly improve the relationship with his brother

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When grief hits and nobody shows up for the OP the way he expected, the funeral becomes less about mourning and more about payback.

Emotional closure is crucial in navigating family relationships, particularly during grieving processes. In this context, it would be beneficial for the man to engage in conversations about his feelings of abandonment and resentment. Acknowledging these emotions can pave the way for healing and reconciliation, thereby allowing for a more supportive family environment during the funeral.

This is similar to the fight between siblings where an unemployed brother pressured his sibling for money.

It's important to know if the OP's crime stopped them from visiting

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They don't need the OP's shameful help

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The OP and his brother are working to heal

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To facilitate healing, seeking the assistance of a therapist can be invaluable.

This Redditor has a similar story to share

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It takes a lengthy process to visit someone in prison

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Mourning is individualized

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The OP is in a really messy situation

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The OP's not obligated to do what he doesn't want

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OP's brother should respect his decisions

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This Redditor grew up with relatives in prison

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This isn't the time to air grievances

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No one owes anyone prison visitations

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People aren't disposable in most cases

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From someone whose brother is in jail

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The comments are split, because some people think OP’s choice is justified, while others think he’s taking it way too far by refusing to help.

Even as the brother tries to frame the situation as OP being part of the problem, the OP keeps pointing back to how he was treated while he was locked up.

Apparently, this story ignited a lot of questions from Redditors. Some wanted to know the crime the OP committed, while others were interested in knowing what the OP's previous record was like.

Some wanted to know if this was the last straw in a long line of arrests and criminal behavior, as they could see a family being fed up and distancing themselves after all that. However, the OP was declared the AH.

The article highlights a poignant aspect of family dynamics in the wake of loss.

He might be done grieving his dad, but the family drama is still very much alive.

Before you judge, read what happened when a brother demanded their dad’s watch.