Mom Tells College-Starting Daughter She Needs To Grow Up, Overlooks Possible Indicators Of Depression

A mom looked at her 19-year-old daughter’s college slump and decided she needed to “grow up,” even as the daughter spent her days in bed and her nights on her phone. What started as a nagging routine about chores and studying quickly turned into a full-on family argument.

OP and her husband share the house with their daughter, who is enrolled in college but can’t seem to focus, refuses household responsibilities, and shows zero spark for school. The complication is that OP frames it like laziness, while the comments point out it could be emotional distress hiding behind the “she’s just being immature” narrative.

And once OP doubles down on the grow-up speech, the real issue becomes impossible to ignore.

OP asks:

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OP and her husband share their home with their 19-year-old daughter, who is currently enrolled in college.

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Her dedication to her studies is non-existent; she chooses to spend time on her phone or idling in bed instead. Even household chores are ignored.

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OP watches her daughter ignore chores and sink into bed-time scrolling, then decides the fix is telling her to act like an adult.

Recognizing Signs of Emotional Distress

The scenario illustrates the importance of recognizing signs of emotional distress in loved ones.

The article sheds light on a crucial aspect of the college transition that is often overlooked: the emotional struggles that can manifest as academic decline. The case presented illustrates how a mother’s insistence on her daughter needing to "grow up" may dismiss significant warning signs of depression. For young adults embarking on this new chapter, the pressures can lead to deeper mental health challenges that require attention.

Recognizing the symptoms of these emotional struggles is vital. Ignoring them can exacerbate issues, leading to a downward spiral in both mental health and academic performance. The need for timely intervention cannot be overstated, as it can play a pivotal role in ensuring a healthier transition into the demanding world of college life.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

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Maybe OP should try some empathy instead of berating

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This Redditor had similar experiences:

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The moment OP treats the phone and the apathy like a character flaw, the whole situation stops feeling like normal college adjustment.

This also echoes the AITA fight where a struggling daughter refused to support her parents financially.

Research in developmental psychology suggests that academic performance is closely tied to emotional well-being.

"It’s clear that she’s showing symptoms of depression or mental health issues."

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OP should ask herself who is lazy here

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OP is treating her daughter like a child...

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OP’s “grow up” line lands, and suddenly the husband and the commenters are left asking who’s actually being dismissive here.

Parental support plays a vital role in a child's emotional well-being.

It's essential for parents to engage in open conversations about mental health with their children, particularly during times of transition.

Encouraging a supportive dialogue can help young adults feel safe discussing their struggles and seeking help.

For example, validating their feelings and providing resources for support can empower them to take action.

OP should get informed about depression

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OP should definitely talk with her daughter

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By the time OP tries to justify it, the argument is no longer about studying habits, it’s about whether the daughter’s behavior is being misunderstood.

The frustration she feels about her daughter's lack of effort and responsibility is entirely justified.

Starting college is a big step into adulthood, a time when one must buckle up and take charge. The reality is that life won't go easy on her if she continues on this track.

So, OP giving her a dose of hard truth isn't a bad thing. It's high time her daughter heard it straight. But there's another side to this coin.

Many people reading the story on Reddit suggested that the daughter's behavior could be a sign of deeper issues, like depression or ADHD. If that's the case, she needs more than a reality check – she needs professional help.

So while OP is not wrong to push for responsibility, it's important to balance that with understanding and care. It might be worth considering a doctor's appointment or therapy to find out what's really going on.

Because at the end of the day, it's not just about pushing her to do better; it's about helping her get to a place where she can do it herself.

The article highlights the critical need for parents to recognize signs of emotional distress in their college-bound children.

The article highlights a critical oversight in the conversation between a mother and her daughter as she embarks on her college journey. Instead of acknowledging the signs of emotional distress that may arise during this transition, the mother's emphasis on growing up risks dismissing the deeper issues at play. The importance of open communication cannot be overstated; families must create a supportive environment where young adults feel safe to express their struggles. By prioritizing discussions around mental health, parents can help their children build resilience and navigate the complexities of this significant life change.

The family dinner did not end with a “grow up” moment, it ended with OP realizing she might have missed the real problem.

Still, you might relate to the rent-rule shock when “You’re a Tenant Now” hit a college student.