Daughter Is Thinking About Cutting Contact With Her Parents Who Pressure Her Into Helping Them Pay For Their Expensive Mortgage

Parents provide for their children from the moment they are born until they become adults. But do children have the same obligation toward their elderly mothers and fathers?

There is no definitive right or wrong answer to this question; it depends on the individual's beliefs.

In 2020, AARP's research revealed that one-third of middle-aged adults have given their parents money. Roughly half of the respondents provided at least $1,000 per month, and about 20% contributed $5,000 or more.

Regardless of financial strains, these individuals are still willing to support their parents. However, sometimes it is the parents themselves who pressure their children into giving them money.

Today's post focuses on the unreasonable financial pressure from parents. A woman shared her dilemma with her parents on the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit.

She mentioned that her family lived in a rented house and that when she turned 18, she got a full-time job and moved out.

She now has a boyfriend who obtained a mortgage for their home, which is under her name.

When her parents found out about this, they began pressuring her to help them financially. They also wanted a home mortgage under her name.

She never relented, so her parents worked hard to secure a mortgage.

Now, the parents want her to help them pay for half of the house they purchased, but she still refuses.

Thus, the original poster (OP) is wondering: was she wrong to decide not to help?

The OP Explains Her Situation

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The OP Purchased a New Home with Her Boyfriend

Her parents also want to buy a new home, but there is a catch—they want the mortgage under her name.

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She Refused to Help Her Parents the First Time Since She Can't Afford Another Debt Under Her Name

But these parents won't stop; they want the OP to contribute to the mortgage.

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The Burden of Financial Expectations

The pressure on individuals to support their parents financially can lead to significant emotional and psychological stress. According to Dr. Daniel Goleman, a psychologist and author, "The emotional burden of financial obligations can lead to feelings of guilt and resentment, which can be detrimental to mental health." Understanding these dynamics is crucial for addressing the emotional toll that financial obligations impose on adult children, as highlighted by Dr. Terri Orbuch, a relationship researcher who states, "When adult children feel pressured to provide financial support, it can strain familial relationships and lead to anxiety." Recognizing these challenges is essential for fostering healthier family dynamics.

Guilt Made the OP Ask for Outsiders' Opinions

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If She Didn't Leave Home at 18, the Parents Would Be Financially Abusing Her

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The OP's Parents Are Bad Parents

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From a psychological standpoint, this situation may reflect underlying family dynamics that prioritize financial contributions over emotional support. Studies suggest that families emphasizing financial expectations can inadvertently foster feelings of inadequacy among members. This can lead to conflicts and strain relationships, particularly when individuals feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities.

Some Adults Just Struggle with Money and Life

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What's Not Okay: Parents Forcing Children to Pay for Their Bills

What's okay: Parents allowing their children to contribute money of their own accord.

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Maybe It's Time for the OP to Quit Work and Demand Money from Her Parents—An Eye for an Eye

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The Role of Boundaries in Family Relationships

Establishing clear boundaries is essential for maintaining healthy family relationships. Research in family psychology suggests that boundaries help individuals navigate their roles within the family unit, promoting emotional well-being. By setting limits on financial contributions, individuals can protect their mental health while still offering support in other ways.

Throwing a Fit Seems Like a Good Idea! They Are Bad Parents, After All!

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Children Aren't Indebted to Their Parents

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Why Are the Parents Asking for Something They Didn't Provide Their Child?

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Addressing financial stress requires open communication about expectations and feelings. Studies indicate that families who engage in constructive dialogues about money are better equipped to navigate conflicts. Encouraging discussions around financial responsibilities can help clarify roles and foster mutual understanding.

Even If She Agrees, the OP Still Can't Get a Mortgage Under Her Name

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The OP Can Always Shut Her Parents Down If They Continue to Pester Her

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Redditors Are Encouraging the OP to Refuse Every Time Her Parents Ask for Money

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Practical Steps for Managing Financial Pressure

To alleviate financial pressure, individuals can benefit from creating a budget that outlines their own financial capabilities. Setting realistic expectations with parents can help prevent feelings of overwhelm. Additionally, seeking the support of a financial advisor can provide guidance on balancing personal finances while meeting familial expectations.

The Parents Need to Learn How to Be Responsible Adults. They Need to Start by Paying the Mortgage Themselves.

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The OP Has Her Own Life Now. The Mother Needs to Understand That.

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The Parents Are Lazy People Trying to Manipulate Their Daughter

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They Could Be Jealous of What the OP Has Achieved

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The OP Could Be Risking Herself Financially If She Agrees to Help Her Parents

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It's Never Her Responsibility to Pay for Something Her Parents Decided to Buy

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Redditors stand by the OP and agree that she did the right thing. She should not allow herself to be manipulated by her parents.

The OP must stand her ground. She can always contribute money if she wants to, but not in a manner that risks her financial stability.

Psychological Analysis

This situation underscores the emotional burden of financial expectations in family dynamics. It's essential to recognize that individuals may feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities placed upon them. Encouraging open discussions about financial capabilities and establishing boundaries can help alleviate some of this pressure.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, the emotional and psychological implications of financial expectations within families are complex and require careful navigation. Understanding these dynamics can foster empathy and lead to healthier family relationships. By establishing boundaries and engaging in open communication, individuals can alleviate financial pressures while maintaining supportive family ties.