Dealing with a Friends Performance Review Drama at Work: AITA?

A 28-year-old woman refused to let a “friendly” performance review blow up her startup life, but it still somehow turned into a full-on workplace disaster.

She and her 27-year-old friend have been working together for two years, and during CEO-led reviews the friend didn’t just struggle, she started dodging the feedback, blaming other people, and making excuses. The CEO looked disappointed, and after the meeting the OP tried to offer gentle, constructive notes. Instead of hearing it, her friend accused her of sabotaging her career, then escalated by calling OP jealous. Even worse, she brought up their private conversation in a team meeting, leaving OP looking like the villain.

Now the friendship is iced over, and OP is stuck wondering if she tried to fix things the wrong way.

Original Post

So I'm (28F) and have been working at a startup with my friend (27F) for the past two years.

Instead of taking the feedback graciously, she started making excuses and blaming others for her shortcomings. The CEO, who was conducting the reviews, seemed visibly disappointed.

After the meeting, I pulled her aside and gently tried to offer some constructive criticism, but she got defensive and lashed out at me, saying I was trying to sabotage her career. Things got heated, and she accused me of being jealous of her.

Frustrated, I mentioned some specific incidents where she had underperformed, which only made her more upset. Later that day, in a team meeting, she brought up our private conversation, making me look like the bad guy in front of our colleagues.

I felt betrayed and blindsided. Now, she's avoiding me at work, and our friendship feels strained.

I didn't mean to hurt her, but I felt like she needed a wake-up call. I'm torn between wanting to salvage our friendship and standing up for what's right.

So AITA?

Burkus recommends setting boundaries and separating personal and professional relationships to avoid conflict. This approach not only helps maintain professionalism but also protects friendships from the strain of work-related issues.

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That’s when the CEO’s visibly disappointed reaction made the private blowup feel like more than just “office tension” between two friends.

It’s a lot like the coworker who refused a last-minute shift and got hit with backlash.

After the OP pulled her aside with specific examples, the friend flipped it into accusations of jealousy and sabotage instead of owning the feedback.

suggests approaching the conversation with empathy and a focus on mutual goals.

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Then she took their private conversation straight to the team meeting, turning OP’s attempt at constructive criticism into public drama.

Moreover, setting a collaborative tone can significantly impact the outcome. By inviting your friend to discuss their perspective first, you can create a safe space for an open dialogue, making it easier to address the performance concerns while preserving the relationship.

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With the friend now avoiding her at work, the OP has to decide whether to chase peace or protect her reputation when they have to keep working together.

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

In navigating the complexities of workplace friendships, experts advocate for transparency and empathy.

This situation underscores the intricate balance that exists between maintaining friendships and upholding professionalism in the high-pressure environment of a startup. As showcased in the Reddit thread, when performance reviews surface, they can evoke strong emotions and defensiveness, often rooted in the fear of failure or the anxiety of being judged by peers. The narrative suggests that by approaching feedback with empathy and a commitment to common objectives, colleagues can foster a dialogue that not only enhances professional growth but also safeguards personal connections. This dual focus is crucial in environments where collaboration and trust are essential for success.

Now OP is wondering if she’s the one who needs to “move on,” because this friendship might not survive the next review.

After your friend’s review blame-fest, see what happened when OP requested a promotion and quit.