Dealing with a Phobia: AITA for Skipping Childbirth Classes with My Pregnant Wife?

A 30-year-old man says he is skipping childbirth classes with his pregnant wife, and the internet is split on whether he’s being honest or selfish. His reason is not laziness or “I don’t care” energy, it’s a full-on, visceral hospital phobia that triggers panic attacks the second he’s near medical stuff.

Here’s the messy part: his wife, 28, wants the classic “we’re in this together” plan. She thinks attending together means they both understand what’s coming, how to support each other, and how to bond as a team before the baby arrives. He told her the fear is real and overwhelming, and she still got upset, saying he’s not prioritizing their baby or family bonding.

Now the couple is stuck in tension, and he’s asking strangers on Reddit if he’s the asshole for bowing out of the classroom version of labor.

Original Post

Okay, so I'm (30M) in a bit of a predicament. My wife (28F) is pregnant with our first child.

We're both beyond excited, but here's the thing - she wants us to attend these childbirth classes together. She's all about the 'we're in this together' vibes, which is great, I get it.

But here's the deal - I have an extreme phobia of hospitals and medical procedures. Like, it's a visceral fear that I can't shake.

Whenever I'm in a medical setting, I get panic attacks and feel overwhelmed. It's not something I can control easily.

For background, my wife knows about this phobia. We've had discussions about what this means for the birth and how I might need extra support.

However, she really wants me to attend these classes with her. She says it's important for both of us to know what to expect, how to support each other, all that jazz.

I get where she's coming from, but the thought of being in a room full of pregnant women, talking about labor and delivery, just makes me break out in a cold sweat. So, I told her I can't do it.

I explained my fears, my anxiety, everything. She was understanding to an extent but then got upset, saying I'm not prioritizing our baby and family bonding.

Now there's tension between us because she feels like I'm not fully committing to this journey with her. I feel terrible for letting her down, but my fear is real and overwhelming.

So AITA?

Comment from u/CoffeeLover94

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Comment from u/blueberry_muffin82

It’s also like the pregnant partner who skipped partners prenatal yoga classes due to an uncomfortable instructor.

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He’s not trying to dodge anything, but every time he imagines a room full of pregnant women discussing labor and delivery, his body goes into panic mode.

Meanwhile, his wife hears “can’t do it” and translates it as “not committing,” even though he already explained the phobia and how it hits him.

That’s when the “support each other” talk turns into a fight, because she wants bonding in the form of classes and he wants distance from hospitals.

After the tension starts piling up, he’s left wondering if his fear is a valid reason or if he’s accidentally making the pregnancy journey harder for the person carrying the baby.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

He may be trying to protect himself, but the real question is whether his wife feels protected too.

Wondering if it’s fair to pressure your husband into every birthing class? Read this AITA about insisting a busy husband attend birthing classes.