Debating Helping a Coworker: AITAH for Refusing Assistance?

AITAH for refusing to help a former coworker with a "weird request"? Husband gets upset, but Reddit says OP trusted her gut.

Damjan

Published in Interesting
22 Jan 2026

Debating Helping a Coworker: AITAH for Refusing Assistance?

Some people don’t recognize a favor, they recognize a target. This story starts with a text that hits OP like a sixth sense, because the sender is an old coworker who barely mattered in OP’s life until now.

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OP is in the food and beverage world, and the message comes out of nowhere: the coworker says she’s not doing great, then drops the “weird request” line. OP doesn’t ask what’s going on, they immediately shut it down with a polite but firm “no sorry,” then double-checks by texting another coworker from the same workplace. That coworker reveals the old coworker has been asking multiple people for money.

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Now OP’s husband is mad, and the question becomes whether refusing fast makes OP the villain, or whether it just saved them from the same pattern again.

Original Post

I used to work in the food and beverage industry and today I got a text from a very old coworker that I barely interacted with years ago. I was very surprised to hear from her especially that the one interaction we had in the past was negative, but she said hi and I replied enthusiastically and asked her how she is.

She then said that she wasn't doing great and that she was wondering if it's okay if she can "bother me a little bit with a weird request". Immediately alarm bells started to go off in my head.

I don't exactly know why but I have a pattern of attracting people who like to take advantage of others. In the past I have given money and help over and over to strangers.

This has brought me alot of heartache in my life and I've been working hard to overcoming this behaviour, so when I saw that message I quickly assumed what's about to happen. This is the part where I think I might have been an Ahole.

I didn't ask her what was wrong or what she's going through, I just said: I'm sorry to hear that, I wish you well but no sorry. I later text another coworker from the same old work place that I'm still on great terms with and asked her about the text.

She then told me that the person who text me was texting plenty of people asking them for money. I honestly felt proud of myself for recognising that pattern early and I showed my husband the interaction because I felt like I was learning to say no.

He then flipped out, he told me that I acted like an a*****e because I should have at least heard what the woman had to say instead of assuming and that I was extremely rude. When I explained to him why I am proud he told me that I sounded extremely arrogant and needed to reevaluate my actions and take a deep look at the person I'm becoming.