Debt Drama: AITA for Calling Out Boyfriends Alleged Made Up Debt Excuse?

Debt drama is already stressful, but this one got personal fast. OP says her boyfriend, who hasn’t worked since the pandemic, has been behind on his share of bills for months, and then blamed a “made up” debt when her nephew relapsed and stole from him.

The couple lives together in a condo they bought together, and OP is juggling her own business needs plus trying to help her nephew stay somewhere safe. Her boyfriend didn’t want the nephew there, but agreed to it for apartment coverage and client calls, then later claimed the stolen items were worth $100k and demanded repayment.

Now OP is calling out the logic, and her boyfriend is furious that she won’t treat his stolen-property claim like a real bill.

Original Post

My boyfriend, M56, and I, F45, live together in a condo we purchased together. He has not worked since the pandemic and has been living off his inheritance, selling some of his collectibles.

However, as the funds have run low, he has been 12 months behind on his half of the bill, which is actually 1/3 of the total bills. I needed help with my business, and my nephew needed a place to stay, so I invited him to stay with me.

My BF did not want him to come, but knew we needed someone to watch the apartment, and I needed someone to call my clients. While we were gone, my nephew relapsed and started using drugs again, and to support his habit, he stole a bunch of stuff from my BF.

My BF says the stuff was worth 100k and that I needed to repay him. I said fine, that we should consider the back half of the bills paid up.

He was upset about this, saying that I would never intend to repay him for what my nephew had stolen. Though I feel bad that my nephew stole his stuff, I'm not sure if it is my responsibility to repay him.

But we squared it as even. Now, my BF is once again 2 months behind on his part of the bills, and his share of a boat we purchased and he wants me to say that this is also part of what I owe him for my nephew stealing his stuff.

I told him you saying you are forgiving a made up debt in stead of paying your half of the bill is not helping pay the bills. and yes it is a made up debt.

he said: o S your nephNew stole a fortune from me, my property back in new york, my mothers jewelry collection, in New orleans, pieces she gave me, valuable pipes i collected over the years, at the time you said you felt responsible, would compensate me, for bringing him over here, again and again, then completely renegged on the whole thing. What is made up about that?

Nothing i said: he stole it from you, that does not make me responsible. And you then using that as an excuse not to pay your half of the bills is ridiculous.

all it does is make you feel better but it does not HELP pay the bills. he said:No, it doesn't pay the bills.

I felt miserable for the 6 1/2 months he was here. Miserable is not better.

And yes, you did say you'd compensate, not reneg, yet that's exactly what you've done. I thought you'd at least not deny the 8000 that I could have used for truck school for a CDL license, offered for the boat, but that to you now is also 'made up', just like you made up saying you felt responsible for enabling him, would make good on it, but now deny for me even mentioning it.

So, AITA? Or should I say this is part of the money I owe him, or is this a made-up debt, and I should be annoyed that he keeps using this as an excuse not to pay his part of the bills?

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It’s the same kind of pushback as the sister demanding babysitting, and the question of when refusing is okay.

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OP stepped in when her nephew relapsed, even though her boyfriend said he didn’t want him there in the first place.

The stolen “worth $100k” items from New York property, jewelry, and pipe collections became the new bargaining chip instead of paying the condo bills.

OP tried to settle it by pairing the situation with catching up on the back half of the bills, but her boyfriend called it reneging.

Even after they “squared it,” her boyfriend is back to being 2 months behind, and now he wants the boat payments included in the same alleged debt.

What do you think about this situation? Let us know in the comments.

Nobody wants to keep paying for a theft they didn’t cause, especially when the bills are already late.

Want the boundary playbook for refusing constant babysitting pressure from family? Read how one woman stopped regular babysitting duties after nonstop family pressure.