Student Says They Would Rather Be In Debt Than Accept The Help Of Their Manipulative Father, A Fact That Embarrassed The Dad During Family Dinner
His "help" came with a lot of unreasonable demands that the student wanted nothing to do with.
Student debt can feel like a trap, but for one college student, the bigger problem was the person offering to pay. A Reddit user shared that their father wanted to cover tuition, yet the deal came with strict conditions and a long history of control.
OP said their dad demanded grade minimums, approval over classes, and regular check-ins about schoolwork. That might sound helpful on paper, but after years of stress, yelling, and invasive behavior, OP wanted no part of it.
So when the topic came up at family dinner, the truth landed hard, and the reaction was immediate.
Due to this type of history, OP decided to pay for their tuition for two reasons.
First, OP didn't want the added stress of being screamed at at any moment. Second, it's not worth it to constantly worry about whether or not the dad will stop paying for school if he doesn't approve of OP's class or grade, which is a likely scenario.
OP said they would rather be in debt than be controlled by their father for four more years. The good news is that OP just finished their first year.
Here's where the issue came to a head: OP's family recently had a get-together. OP's aunt and uncle, who were paying for their child's college tuition fee, were there.
OP admits that they can be a bit nosy, so naturally, the topic moved to college payments. OP's uncle looked at OP's dad and asked, "Well, how much is OP's school costing you?"
OP quickly replied, "What are you asking him for? I'm the one paying for it." Predictably, OP's dad was angry about this and said OP embarrassed him.
OP said they didn't do it to embarrass him and were simply being honest. On top of that, the dad had no idea how much OP's tuition is, so he's obviously the wrong person to ask.
yeasothat
Do you think OP was an a**hole for being honest? Read the original post below for more information:
yeasothat
yeasothat
"I decided to pay for school myself."
yeasothat
OP kept it simple and said they would handle tuition on their own.
yeasothat
"I embarrassed him."
yeasothat
That was the part that really stung.
If he was embarrassed by a fact, then father dearest has some introspection to do.
sirnay
Couldn't have phrased it any better.
darling_lycosidae
Will asking this provide some clarity?
des1gnbot
He probably bragged about it, but when OP popped the bubble, his ego was badly hurt.
pineconedance
Good thing OP put a stop to it early on.
Trashmanjoe
This is similar to the student asking whether they should make their parents repay a secret education loan.
The dad will definitely take credit for OP's eventual success.
joshul
If you have to lie to make yourself look good, then you're just an awful person, aren't you?
Here_for_tea_
A grown man asking his child to lie for him to protect his reputation is just laughable.
bmoreskyandsea
Dealing with the devil is not worth it.
skydiamond01
He has every reason to be embarrassed.
rich-tma
People know that they did nothing wrong, but due to being manipulated by the real a**hole for years, their perception is skewed; therefore, they need assurance they did nothing wrong.
hyperRed13
OP was offered a life raft but chose to float alone because the dad is that messed up.
SoLongSidekick
Imagine being the biggest obstacle in your own child's life.
mimoo47, yeasothat
Student loans are evil, but it's better than dealing with a jerk of a father.
Devegas49
Good thing OP has another parent to support them.
yeasothat
He would have kept asking for more things if OP had agreed to the original deal.
tequilitas
OP made the right choice.
yeasothat
Was he projecting his own insecurities onto OP?
JudgeJed100
How many toxic behaviors are in this one scenario alone?
yeasothat
Brutal! Let him dig his own grave, but what OP did was pretty cool as well.
Saint_Thomas_More
OP didn't want him to get any credit for OP's hard work and determination.
yeasothat
In another comment, OP said they barely see each other, and the dad does sound narcissistic...
Bash_is_my_copilot
... and here's his credo.
TLEToyu
OP behaved like a boss for putting a stop to the dad's self-serving actions. He wanted to maintain the facade of being the provider for OP, but OP broke that when he refused the deal.
Had OP accepted it, the dad would have sunk his claws even deeper, and OP would have had a harder time being free from the manipulations. Things can only get better for OP from here on out, and the dad can do nothing about it.
The family dinner did not end well.
For a different family power play, read how this college student got hit with “you’re a tenant now” rent rules from his mom.
