Daughter Refuses To Take In Father Due To Cheating, Fears She Would Be Enabling Him

Should we always help our parents, no matter what they do? It's a tough question that many people ponder.

We're often taught that we should care for our parents, but what if they engage in behaviors we don't agree with? That's the situation a girl discussed on Reddit.

She's caught in a difficult position because her dad wants her help, but she's unsure if she should provide it due to how he's treated people in the past. OP's father was caught cheating on her stepmother, which deeply affected her.

Initially, her father wasn't forthcoming about the situation, and OP had to learn the truth from her stepmother. This incident wasn't isolated; it marked the fourth time her father had betrayed a partner, with OP's mother being the second victim.

OP's mother faced additional challenges due to her father's actions, as he had converted to her religion before reverting, leading to her being ostracized by her family. Despite these betrayals, OP's father continued to cheat on her mother until she was 14, eventually leaving the family home to live with another woman.

Although OP had hoped her father had changed for the better, recent events had resurfaced old negative feelings. Today, OP received a call from her father, who shared only partial truths and requested to move in with her for six months until he could stabilize his situation.

Despite acknowledging her father's positive qualities as a parent to her and her brother, OP was hesitant due to his history of mistreating women. She feared that living with him would reveal unpleasant aspects of his character, such as expecting her to fulfill traditional gender roles and care for him despite his ability to do so himself.

Feeling overwhelmed by the situation, OP turned to Reddit for advice, wondering if she would be in the wrong if she refused her father's request, considering his past infidelities. An additional factor complicating matters was her father's disability, which rendered him unable to work.

However, after discovering that her father had used the money she had given him for bills to purchase explicit content while still with her stepmother, OP made the decision not to allow him to move in with her.

OP's dad cheated on OP's stepmom, and she learned about it from her; it's not his first time cheating; he also cheated on OP's mom before.

OP's mother suffered because OP's dad converted to her religion but later reverted, leading to the mother's isolation from her family due to their differing faiths.

Understanding the Impact of Betrayal

Dr. John Miller, a clinical psychologist specializing in family dynamics, explains that betrayal can lead to significant emotional scars.

Studies suggest that experiences of betrayal, particularly from trusted figures, can lead to feelings of mistrust and anxiety in relationships.

This may explain the daughter's apprehension toward re-establishing contact with her father, as she's likely guarding herself against potential emotional harm.

He kept cheating on OP's mom until OP was 14, then left, causing OP's negative feelings to resurface despite her thinking he had changed.

OP's dad asked if he could stay with OP for six months to get back on his feet, but OP is hesitant because of how he treats women, despite being a good father to her and her brother.

Moreover, the fear of enabling negative behaviors can be a profound source of internal conflict.

Research in behavioral psychology indicates that individuals often grapple with the desire to help versus the need to protect themselves.

The daughter’s concerns reflect a common struggle faced by many dealing with family members who exhibit harmful patterns.

OP is concerned about living with her dad as an adult, fearing he'll expect her to take on a caretaker role and treat her like he has with other women.

OP is wondering if it is wrong if she doesn't let her dad, a serial cheater, move in with her.

The Importance of Boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries is crucial in navigating complex family relationships.

According to Dr. Laura Smith, a family therapist, boundaries can help individuals maintain their emotional well-being while also offering support.

Research shows that boundaries are essential for fostering healthy relationships, allowing individuals to engage without losing themselves in the process.

OP's dad can't work due to disability; OP discovers that he spent money meant for bills on buying explicit content while with his stepmom; OP's decision is not to let him move in.

OP's valid concerns about allowing him to stay stem from his disrespectful behavior towards women.

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In situations like this, it may be beneficial to explore therapy or counseling to process these emotions in a safe environment.

Therapeutic interventions can help individuals identify their feelings and develop coping strategies, ultimately fostering personal growth.

Moreover, therapy can provide a platform for expressing needs and establishing boundaries without feeling guilty or selfish.

OP needs to let him know she cares about him but can't support how he treats women.

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OP's dad mistreats women but relies on them for care.

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OP has good reasons to be worried about letting her dad stay with her. He hasn't treated women well in the past, which has hurt people, including OP. She cares about him but can't support how he behaves towards women.

He relies on women for help but doesn't always treat them right. OP's dad needs to take responsibility for what he's done. Maybe if he spends some time alone, he'll realize how important it is to treat people with respect.

If OP does let him stay, she should make it clear that there are rules he needs to follow, like a landlord telling a tenant what's allowed. Most importantly, OP shouldn't let her dad use his problems to make her feel guilty or to do things she's not comfortable with.

OP's dad needs to take responsibility for his actions.

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Being alone might help him appreciate others more.

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Navigating Emotional Complexity

The emotional complexity of this situation cannot be understated, particularly when it comes to dealing with unresolved feelings of abandonment.

Research indicates that unresolved trauma can manifest in various ways, often impacting relationships with others.

It might be helpful for the daughter to engage in self-reflection or journaling to understand her feelings more clearly and consider what steps she might want to take moving forward.

OP eventually could offer the option to move in but with strict guidelines resembling a landlord-tenant agreement.

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OP shouldn't let her cheating father manipulate her.

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Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects a deeply rooted conflict between emotional loyalty and self-preservation.

It's crucial for the daughter to prioritize her emotional well-being while also considering the implications of her decisions on her relationship with her father.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, understanding the psychological impact of betrayal and the need for boundaries can empower individuals to make informed decisions.

As professionals note, navigating family relationships is often a balance between self-protection and compassion towards others.