Woman Stunned By Boyfriend's Bizarre Comparison Of Going To Her Ex's Funeral To A Date

It might be challenging to know how to console a friend, colleague, or relative who is in mourning. The bereaved individual may feel alone if we say nothing at all because we are scared we might say the wrong thing.

If you haven't suffered the loss of a loved one, you may have erroneous notions about what a bereaved person ought to go through or how soon they should resume their regular activities. Though there are plenty of things you can say or do to support them, keep in mind that each person's experience of sorrow is different.

It's possible that some of your ideas and recommendations are appropriate while others are not. When in doubt about how to help someone going through a difficult time, ask them to let you know what they need or desire.

It can be really comforting to simply let them know you want to help and that you care. The OP was in such a position, and she was willing to be there to provide support.

The deceased happened to be her ex, whom she was engaged to for three and a half years. During their time together, the OP was a full-time mom to his two boys, whom he had full custody of.

After their breakup, she still has contact with his kids. The kids invited the OP to the funeral, but her current boyfriend chose that time to act up.

The OP writes

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

The OP was a full-time mom to her ex's two boys, whom he had full custody of

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I went to my ex's funeral, and I guess that action makes me an AH for caring.

Below are some of the most upvoted comments from other Redditors for you to read through

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

OP's man sounds more like a child

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

Understanding the Psychology Behind Emotional Responses

This situation highlights a common psychological phenomenon known as emotional invalidation, where one person dismisses or undermines another's feelings.

According to research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, emotional invalidation can lead to increased anxiety and depression, particularly in close relationships.

The boyfriend's comparison of a funeral to a date reflects a lack of empathy, a trait often linked to insecure attachment styles developed in childhood.

It's completely different from OP's man lying

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

It does not sound like he's trying to guilt her

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

A clinical psychologist specializing in interpersonal relationships indicates that this pattern may reflect deeper issues of communication and emotional connection.

When individuals cannot validate each other's feelings, it can create an emotional distance that may be difficult to bridge.

Studies suggest that fostering emotional intelligence through open discussions can significantly improve relationship dynamics and reduce conflicts.

OP's man can't be jealous of a dead man, can he?

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

The OP has an irresponsible adolescent who lies

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

The OP dropped this in the comments to clarify certain things

I don't drink; he barely drinks. There has never been violence, and we've never had to call the police to our house. I called him my man because 'boyfriend' sounds adolescent to me.

The OP didn't lie about her whereabouts, so why did her man have to lie?

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

Kicking him to the curb

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

The Impact of Attachment Styles

Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, posits that our early relationships with caregivers shape our behavior in adult relationships.

A secure attachment style, which fosters healthy emotional expressions and responses, can help individuals navigate complex emotional situations more effectively.

In contrast, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may struggle with emotional validation, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts.

It's manipulative and narcissistic

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

Cheating with a dead man

Reddit/Sure_Simple7239

To address these issues, couples might benefit from therapy focused on improving their emotional awareness and communication skills.

Research indicates that methods like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help partners develop a deeper understanding of their emotional responses and enhance their ability to support each other.

Implementing regular check-ins about emotional needs can also foster a more supportive environment.

Psychological Analysis

This pattern of emotional invalidation is often rooted in personal insecurities or a lack of understanding about healthy emotional exchanges.

It's essential for both partners to acknowledge and validate each other's feelings, even when they don't fully understand them, to foster a supportive relationship dynamic.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, emotional validation is crucial for relationship satisfaction and mental health.

As highlighted in research from the American Psychological Association, fostering an environment where both partners feel heard can significantly reduce conflict.

Building emotional awareness and improving communication strategies can pave the way for healthier interactions and stronger bonds.

OP's boyfriend is trying to use the fact that he knew she would be upset as an excuse to lie about what he did. Even with his ex present, it's obvious that he will want to spend time with his kid, and that won't change, so the OP needs to choose whether or not it's a deal breaker for her.

If not, she can discuss it with him moving forward so he doesn't feel like he "needs" to lie about it or use it as a justification. If it's a deal breaker, she can break up with him.

Navigating Emotional Conversations

Effective communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. Psychologists suggest using 'I' statements to express feelings without sounding accusatory, which can help mitigate defensive reactions.

For example, saying 'I feel hurt when my feelings are dismissed' can open a dialogue rather than provoke a defensive stance.

Furthermore, practicing active listening techniques can enhance empathy and understanding between partners.