Ex-Friend Neglected Pets: Would It Be Wrong To Tell His Girlfriend?

Are you facing a moral dilemma that makes you question if you're in the wrong? Picture this: you're in the midst of a divorce, and your ex-friends have chosen sides, leaving you with limited options for pet care while you're away.

You rely on a friend, Sam, to check in on your beloved pets, only to find out he never showed up, leading to the unfortunate passing of one of your rats. The betrayal stings, but the real question is, would you be considered the "asshole" if you told Sam's girlfriend about his deceitful actions?

The debate rages on in the Reddit community, with some advocating for transparency and others cautioning against meddling in someone else's relationship. The emotional weight of losing a pet due to negligence adds a complex layer to the situation.

While some suggest airing out the dirty laundry publicly, others advise a more cautious approach in confronting Sam before involving his partner. The conflicting opinions highlight the fine line between seeking justice and potentially causing more harm in the process.

The decision to disclose such information carries significant consequences, both for the relationship dynamics at play and for the moral compass of the individual involved. How would you navigate this ethical minefield?

Original Post

Hi! So back around Christmas, I was traveling to see my partner’s family, and I needed to find someone to watch my pets: five rats, a cat, and an axolotl.

I’m going through a divorce right now, and unfortunately for me, basically all my friends chose to remain friends with my ex and cut me off. I’m not going to place any blame or judgment there; these things just happen in divorce.

However, a couple of friends, one of whom we’ll call Sam, have stayed in contact with me. Since I didn’t have a ton of options, I reached out to Sam a couple of weeks before I left to see if he’d come by my house twice while I was gone to feed and water all the pets.

He said yes! I confirmed the day before I left that he was still good to come by and do this, and I sent him instructions.

So, the day he’s supposed to come by comes and goes, and I don’t hear anything from him. So I reach out and ask how all the pets are doing.

He responds, saying everyone is all good! I had a bad feeling in my gut, so I checked my security system to see if anyone had been to the house.

I have sensors on all my doors that record when the doors are opened and closed. I see that no one has been to my house since I left.

I take a screenshot of this and send it to Sam, basically asking him to justify why he’s lying to me. He says he’s not and doubles down.

Eventually, he just stops responding to me; I haven’t heard from him since. When I get home, I see that no one has been to my house (which I already knew). Thankfully, most everyone was okay, but one of my rats passed.

It’s hard to know if that’s because he didn’t show up or not, as my rats are getting kind of old; it could’ve just been his time. I’ve been debating ever since whether I should reach out to his girlfriend and tell her what he did.

On one hand, she and I aren’t really friends, and I don’t want to meddle in other people’s relationships. On the other hand, if I were in her shoes and my boyfriend did something like that to someone, I’d want to know, as that would be a deal breaker.

So, Reddit, would I be the asshole if I told her that her boyfriend didn’t fulfill his promise to check on my pets and then lied about it? Update: Thank you all for your responses!

I’m not going to reach out to her. This was kind of my last connection to that friend group anyway, and I’m just going to let it go.

Again, thank you! Also: all the remaining rats are doing as great as four elderly rats can be!

They’re getting extra fresh fruit and snuggles. 🥰

Another update: 1. My divorce has been ongoing for three years.

2. I was going to pay him; we had discussed and agreed upon a payment amount.

3. I returned home within eight hours of finding out that he didn’t show up.

I was not just sitting on vacation and not doing anything. I even called my ex to see if he could go over.

4. I literally held a vigil and funeral for the rat who passed.

He was my first rat and very beloved. That just wasn’t the point of the post and felt like unnecessary details to provide.

5. Axolotls need to be fed once or twice a week.

Rats and the cat were on an auto feeder and auto waterer. The cat has a self-cleaning litter box.

Ethics and Friendships

Dr. George Miller, a behavioral ethicist, notes that disclosing harmful behaviors about a friend can be a morally complex decision.

His research indicates that loyalty to friends often conflicts with the ethical obligation to protect vulnerable individuals, such as pets in this case.

This tension can create significant emotional distress as one weighs the consequences of their actions on multiple parties.

Comment from u/normalizingfat

Comment from u/CoolCatNTopDawg

Studies in ethical psychology suggest that dilemmas like these often require a careful examination of one's values and priorities.

According to research published in the Journal of Ethics, grappling with these conflicting interests is common and can lead to prolonged stress if not resolved.

Finding a balance between loyalty and ethical responsibility is crucial in making informed decisions.

Comment from u/WanderingVacuum

Comment from u/terrible_username1

Consulting with trusted individuals or professionals can also provide clarity in these situations.

Research shows that discussing dilemmas with others can help individuals gain new perspectives and reduce feelings of isolation.

This process can lead to a more balanced approach, ensuring that personal values align with actions taken.

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Comment from u/WildBlue2525Potato

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

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Psychological Analysis

This scenario reflects the often-complicated nature of loyalty and ethics in friendships.

Encouraging thoughtful reflection and dialogue can help individuals navigate these challenging waters effectively.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating ethical dilemmas requires introspection and often the courage to act in alignment with one's values.

Engaging in open dialogues about moral responsibilities can help clarify decisions and promote a sense of integrity.