Ex-Friend Neglected Pets: Would It Be Wrong To Tell His Girlfriend?

Some people don’t recognize a favor, especially when it comes with a key, a schedule, and a whole weird zoo to feed. This one started as a simple pet-sitting request, then turned into a silent house, a security screenshot, and one of OP’s rats dying while the animals were left untouched.

OP is going through a divorce and, after most friends cut ties with their ex, they’re stuck scrambling for help. They ask Sam, a friend who stayed in contact, to stop by twice while OP is away to feed and water five rats, a cat, and an axolotl. Sam confirms everything, shows up in name only, then lies about visiting, until he eventually disappears completely.

Now OP is stuck with a brutal question: should his girlfriend be told, or would that cross a line OP can’t see from the outside?

Original Post

Hi! So back around Christmas, I was traveling to see my partner’s family, and I needed to find someone to watch my pets: five rats, a cat, and an axolotl.

I’m going through a divorce right now, and unfortunately for me, basically all my friends chose to remain friends with my ex and cut me off. I’m not going to place any blame or judgment there; these things just happen in divorce.

However, a couple of friends, one of whom we’ll call Sam, have stayed in contact with me. Since I didn’t have a ton of options, I reached out to Sam a couple of weeks before I left to see if he’d come by my house twice while I was gone to feed and water all the pets.

He said yes! I confirmed the day before I left that he was still good to come by and do this, and I sent him instructions.

So, the day he’s supposed to come by comes and goes, and I don’t hear anything from him. So I reach out and ask how all the pets are doing.

He responds, saying everyone is all good! I had a bad feeling in my gut, so I checked my security system to see if anyone had been to the house.

I have sensors on all my doors that record when the doors are opened and closed. I see that no one has been to my house since I left.

I take a screenshot of this and send it to Sam, basically asking him to justify why he’s lying to me. He says he’s not and doubles down.

Eventually, he just stops responding to me; I haven’t heard from him since. When I get home, I see that no one has been to my house (which I already knew). Thankfully, most everyone was okay, but one of my rats passed.

It’s hard to know if that’s because he didn’t show up or not, as my rats are getting kind of old; it could’ve just been his time. I’ve been debating ever since whether I should reach out to his girlfriend and tell her what he did.

On one hand, she and I aren’t really friends, and I don’t want to meddle in other people’s relationships. On the other hand, if I were in her shoes and my boyfriend did something like that to someone, I’d want to know, as that would be a deal breaker.

So, Reddit, would I be the asshole if I told her that her boyfriend didn’t fulfill his promise to check on my pets and then lied about it? Update: Thank you all for your responses!

I’m not going to reach out to her. This was kind of my last connection to that friend group anyway, and I’m just going to let it go.

Again, thank you! Also: all the remaining rats are doing as great as four elderly rats can be!

They’re getting extra fresh fruit and snuggles. 🥰

Another update: 1. My divorce has been ongoing for three years.

2. I was going to pay him; we had discussed and agreed upon a payment amount.

3. I returned home within eight hours of finding out that he didn’t show up.

I was not just sitting on vacation and not doing anything. I even called my ex to see if he could go over.

4. I literally held a vigil and funeral for the rat who passed.

He was my first rat and very beloved. That just wasn’t the point of the post and felt like unnecessary details to provide.

5. Axolotls need to be fed once or twice a week.

Rats and the cat were on an auto feeder and auto waterer. The cat has a self-cleaning litter box.

Ethics and Friendships

Comment from u/normalizingfat

Comment from u/CoolCatNTopDawg

OP’s divorce leaves them with almost no options, so they trust Sam to handle five rats, a cat, and an axolotl while they’re gone.

Studies in ethical psychology suggest that dilemmas like these often require a careful examination of one's values and priorities.

Finding a balance between loyalty and ethical responsibility is crucial in making informed decisions.

Comment from u/WanderingVacuum

Comment from u/terrible_username1

The day Sam is supposed to come by passes, OP checks the security system, and the doors never open, meaning nobody visited at all.

Got wedding-party nerves too? See how a woman’s pregnancy announcement sparked AITA backlash at her best friend’s engagement party.

Consulting with trusted individuals or professionals can also provide clarity in these situations.

This process can lead to a more balanced approach, ensuring that personal values align with actions taken.

Comment from u/throwaway11xo

Comment from u/WildBlue2525Potato

When OP sends Sam the screenshot, he doubles down, then goes fully radio silent, even as one rat ends up passing after OP returns.

We'd love to hear your take on this situation. Share your thoughts below.

Comment from u/IDrinkMyOwnSemen

Comment from u/Competitive_Ant_6484

Comment from u/Magellan-88

Since OP isn’t close with Sam’s girlfriend but would still want to know if this happened to someone she loved, the decision turns into a real gut-check.

In the face of ethical dilemmas, it is essential to reflect deeply on what truly matters.

OP doesn’t just want to know what happened, they’re wondering if Sam’s girlfriend deserves the truth before it gets worse.

Before you confront your ex’s girlfriend, read about someone hiding genetic health results from family.