Woman Questions Friend’s $250 Perfume Wish List, Wonders If Such Expensive Gifts Are Common

Gift-giving among adults can sometimes feel complicated. What used to be an exciting part of birthdays can slowly turn into an awkward exchange of expectations.

Some people still enjoy surprises, while others prefer to make clear what they want. Both views are understandable—one values thoughtfulness, while the other values practicality. However, when money and personal taste get involved, opinions often differ.

OP’s friend is turning 33 and has a passion for perfumes. During a trip to Sephora, the friend mentioned that she wanted to test different perfumes so people would know what to get her for her birthday. Over the years, their friend group has kept things simple—dinner, drinks, and maybe a small gift card.

Nothing extravagant. So when the friend started talking about a perfume wish list with items priced between $150 and $250, the OP couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. To her, part of giving a gift is the personal effort of choosing it. She felt that handing people an expensive list took away the sentiment behind the gesture.

At the same time, she began questioning herself, wondering if she was being stingy or simply honest about her boundaries. This story highlights how adults often have different views on birthdays. Some still see them as a time for special gifts, while others believe celebrations should be more about spending time together.

Neither approach is wrong—it mostly comes down to values and comfort levels. For the OP, it wasn’t about not caring for her friend but about feeling that setting a high-priced list among friends crossed a line. Sometimes, giving from the heart matters more than following a list.

Original Post

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Original Post

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Different Views on Gift Giving Are Fine as Long as Everyone Stays Within Their Comfort Zone.

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Gift-giving can often reflect deeper psychological needs, according to relationship expert Esther Perel. She notes that the act of giving can be a way to express love, care, and appreciation, but it can also lead to feelings of obligation or anxiety, especially when the gifts come with high price tags.

Perel emphasizes the importance of understanding the emotional context behind gift-giving. Adults may feel pressure to reciprocate or match the perceived value of a gift, which can complicate relationships.

In today's consumer-driven society, understanding the psychology of gift-giving can transform how we approach it. According to Dr. Michael Thompson, a child psychologist, gifts often symbolize deeper meanings—love, appreciation, or even status.

He emphasizes that recognizing these motivations can help mitigate feelings of inadequacy or competition. By focusing on the intention behind the gift rather than the monetary value, adults can foster healthier relationships and more meaningful exchanges.

Maybe She Just Wants Everyone to Chip In for One Nice Perfume.

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OP Can Give Her a Gift Card So She Can Choose Her Own Perfume.

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OP Can Give Her a $50 Sephora Card and Let Her Cover the Rest.

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Financial expert Suze Orman highlights that spending on luxury items like expensive perfumes can sometimes be a reflection of one's self-worth or identity. She advises individuals to evaluate their financial priorities before indulging in such purchases.

Orman suggests creating a budget that allocates a set amount for discretionary spending, including gifts. This approach helps maintain financial health while allowing for thoughtful gift-giving that considers both the giver's and receiver's values.

OP Should Just Stick to Her Usual Budget.

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The Gifts Should Depend on What the Giver Can Afford.

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Everyone Wins When Friends Give What They Can and Appreciate the Gesture.

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Psychologists argue that the expectation for adult gift-giving can lead to stress and disappointment. According to Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a happiness researcher at talbenshahar.com, the emotional weight of gifts can overshadow the joy of giving.

He suggests discussing gift preferences openly among friends and family to eliminate misunderstandings. This can foster a culture of gratitude and appreciation, rather than obligation, making the experience enriching for both parties.

OP Should Give Her a Reasonable Gift Card.

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Gift Depends on Friendship and What’s Normal Between Them.

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Real Friends Understand When Budgets Are Tight.

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When it comes to navigating the complexities of adult gift-giving, clarity is key. A relationship expert noted that sharing a wish list can streamline the process, reducing anxiety over whether a gift will be well-received.

Moreover, it encourages open conversations about wants and needs. Adults can benefit from treating gift exchanges as opportunities for connection rather than obligations, creating a more joyful atmosphere around giving and receiving.

Both perspectives in this situation make sense. The friend values clarity and practicality, while the OP associates gift-giving with thought and spontaneity. Neither view is wrong—it simply reflects different expectations about how adults handle birthdays.

As people get older, celebrations often shift from presents to shared experiences, and what feels appropriate can vary between friends. The OP’s discomfort doesn’t make her selfish; it just makes her more mindful of boundaries and spending.

At the same time, her friend isn’t wrong for expressing what she likes. The key lies in mutual understanding—recognizing that generosity comes in many forms, whether it’s a thoughtful gift, time spent together, or simply showing up to celebrate.

Expert Opinion

This situation reflects a common tension in adult relationships: the balance between personal values and social expectations. The OP's discomfort with a high-priced wish list likely stems from her belief that gifts should be heartfelt and chosen with care, while her friend may prioritize clarity and practicality in gift-giving. Both perspectives highlight the importance of communication and understanding in friendships, as differing views on gifts can stem from deeper values around generosity, thoughtfulness, and financial boundaries.

Understanding the Deeper Patterns

Gift-giving in adulthood is complex but can evolve into a rewarding experience if approached thoughtfully. Experts suggest that understanding the emotional significance behind gifts can alleviate pressure and foster genuine connections. By communicating openly about gift preferences, individuals can create a more relaxed environment where gifts are expressions of appreciation, rather than obligations.

Ultimately, the best gifts are those that reflect the recipient's personality and preferences, rather than their price tags. As such, focusing on the thought and care behind a gift can enhance relationships and promote emotional well-being.