From Twin Beds To Themed Threads - This Wedding Invitation Came With A Dress Code… And A Payment Plan

A wedding invitation just landed, and the OP’s reaction is basically, “Oh no, not again.” This is not a cute, normal “save the date” moment, it’s a destination wedding on a Tuesday, with three nights in a big Airbnb, and somehow the bills are already piling up before the month even starts.

To make it worse, OP and their fiancé are tall, so the twin beds situation might force them into a pricier private room they would rather not pay for. Then there’s the themed dress code, which means specialty outfits, links to custom Etsy costumes clocking in at over $900, and the wedding couple is not even offering a traditional reception where people get fed.

And when the registry asks for cash for the honeymoon, OP is left wondering one very specific thing: if they are not being served dinner, do they even owe a gift?

With six months to go, every new wedding detail seems to add another reason to dread the big day.

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Original Post

My bio dad (M 62) is getting married to his girlfriend (F 48) in about 6 months, and every time I learn something new about this wedding, I dread it even more.

Additionally, the financial implications of this wedding are starting to really stack up. Official wedding invitations came out today, but I have known details about the wedding for 3 weeks now. For starters, the wedding is a destination wedding and happens on a Tuesday. The plan is for close family to all stay in a large Airbnb for three days starting Sunday. For those three nights, it is about $500 per couple. My fiancé and I are very tall people, and the majority of the beds in this Airbnb are twin beds. It is not confirmed, but since I am not comfortable sharing a room with another couple, my fiancé and I may end up spending more for a private room. The thing is, I can get a decent hotel room for way cheaper, but the expectation is that we stay in this Airbnb. The wedding is themed and requires both myself and my fiancé to purchase specialty outfits to match the theme of the wedding. The theme is very specific, and the type of costumes we would be expected to wear is not something that I have. My dad’s girlfriend is sending me links to custom costumes from Etsy that are over $900. My bio dad and his fiancé are not doing a traditional reception. The reception is being held at a restaurant, and they are going to provide a single champagne toast, but guests are required to pay for themselves if they want to eat. For their registry, they are asking for cash for their honeymoon. For 6 months’ notice, this wedding is already extremely expensive for me and my fiancé to attend. I know traditionally the guide line for a wedding gift is whatever the cost of your plate is so since we are not being fed would it be okay to not give a gift? WIBTA?

Let’s see what the Reddit community had to say.

normanbeets

You don’t have to go.

dustyathome

Who are these people?

flCheesehead1

YWNBTA.

Used_Mark_7911

Just send them a gift you can afford.

fightingnflder

NTA.

Lunar-Eclipse0204

This is the same kind of family conflict as a parent refusing to fund their son’s risky lifestyle.

Sounds awful!

Odd-Worth7752

Your presence is a gift.

Interesting_Order_82

They’re not thinking straight.

Voice-of-Reason-ish

No way, don’t go!

katluvsbubbly

Maybe they don’t want any guests.

Ulquiorra1312

Just send them a card and be done with it.

Interesting-Client63

You’re already spending too much.

Falequeen

The first real gut punch hits when the OP realizes the destination wedding is on a Tuesday and everyone is expected to cram into that Airbnb starting Sunday for three expensive nights.

Then the OP gets hit with the themed dress code, where the girlfriend sends Etsy links for custom costumes over $900 and the outfit expectations do not match anything OP already has.

After that, the reception details make it even uglier, because it’s a restaurant setup with one champagne toast, and guests pay for their own food if they want to eat.

Finally, the honeymoon cash registry completes the financial nightmare, and OP is stuck deciding whether the “gift equals the cost of the plate” rule even applies when there is no plate.

The OP wants to support her dad — she just doesn’t want to finance the entire celebration to do it.

With travel, costumes, and dinner already draining her wallet, she’s left wondering if showing up is gift enough — or if her card is expected to say “I do,” too.

OP might skip the gift and still feel like the only person paying the real price.

For more workplace fallout, see the coworker who exposed repeated mistakes and sparked office tension.