5 Quirky, Odd, and Outright Embarrassing Facts About the Founding Fathers That No History Lesson Will Teach You

Some people treat the Founding Fathers like marble statues, untouchable and squeaky clean. But the closer you look, the more you realize they were messy, petty, and weird in ways that would absolutely get roasted today.

It starts with Benjamin Franklin, who somehow managed to mix science, spelling reform, and a truly unhinged idea about making farts smell better. Then you get John Adams, complete with a White House dog named Satan, plus the Alien and Sedition Acts, which turned “criticize the government” into a punishable offense. Meanwhile, George Washington is out here racking up late fees, bungling a surrender document, and even worrying about being buried too early.

And once you add Hamilton’s scandal and Jefferson’s “watch out for giant sloths” warning, you’re left with one big question: how did any of this become history class?

Benjamin Franklin

Wikipedia

Ol’ Ben was quite the Renaissance man, even in matters most would rather not discuss at the dinner table. He once penned an essay urging the brainiest minds to make farts smell better. Yes, you read that right. Franklin essentially wanted to turn toots into eau de toilette.

He was also centuries ahead of his time, advocating for spelling reform that mirrors today’s textspeak. Franklin preferred “Tho,” “thru,” and “nite” over words like “though,” “through,” and “night.”

And let’s not forget his distaste for the bald eagle as America’s symbol. He called it “a bird of bad moral character” that “does not get his living honestly.”

Truly, Franklin was the 18th-century troll we all needed.

John Adams

Wikipedia

Franklin is out here trying to upgrade fart odor and texting-style spelling, so naturally the rest of the crew does not exactly stay in the “respectable founding” lane.

Interestingly, Adams had a dog named Satan that lived in the White House. He also signed the Alien and Sedition Acts, which made criticizing the government a punishable offense.

George Washington

Wikipedia

Then John Adams drops the Alien and Sedition Acts, and suddenly the White House vibe goes from chaotic to downright threatening, with Satan as the silent co-star.

This is similar to the Reddit debate over splitting the bill evenly when one friend orders extra.

Washington proved himself the OG of library delinquents by racking up a whopping $300,000 in late fees after failing to return two books from the New York Society Library.

On July 4th, 1754, during the French & Indian War, Washington not only surrendered to enemy forces but also accidentally took responsibility for war crimes. Apparently, he signed the French-written official surrender document without understanding a single word.

You won't believe that Washington was shocked after realizing that Chinese people weren't white. Additionally, he was so scared of being buried prematurely that he requested (in his will) that his body be kept above ground for three days before being buried.

Alexander Hamilton

Wikipedia

After that, George Washington’s late fees at the New York Society Library and the French-written surrender document situation make it feel like paperwork was his real enemy.

Hamilton’s political career crashed and burned over a steamy affair. He was the original star of “Politicians Gone Wild.”

Thomas Jefferson

Wikipedia

By the time Hamilton’s steamy affair and Jefferson’s giant sloth warning show up, the whole “serious nation-building” story starts to look like one long, embarrassing group project.

Before Lewis and Clark set out on their expedition, Jefferson warned them to keep an eye out for giant sloths. Because, obviously, what’s more American than encountering mythical creatures?

He and John Adams also went on a bit of a historical vandalism spree. They chipped off pieces of Shakespeare’s chair in his house as a keepsake. Talk about leaving your mark on history—literally.

So, there you have it—our founding fathers in all their quirky glory.

Which fact about these icons shocked you the most? Let's hear it in the comments below!

History didn’t get made by perfect men, it got made by men who could not stop making things worse in the most specific ways.

For more awkward dinner fallout, read what happened when someone insisted on separate bills.