Fair Inheritance Distribution Dilemma Among Siblings: WIBTA for Sharing Equally?

Some families talk about money like it is boring, normal adult stuff. This one did not. It started with the kind of phone calls that are supposed to be quick check-ins, then somehow turned into a grim little briefing about who gets what when their dad finally passes away.

The OP, 25F, has a strained relationship with her dad and tries to keep contact limited because “s**t hits the fan” fast. Her siblings are in the same boat, especially A (14F) and F (13F), who’ve been treated like afterthoughts their whole lives. During one of those calls, dad laid out a plan that left A and F out completely, giving OP and M (18F) decision-making authority.

Now OP is stuck weighing what dad wants against what feels fair, and the family dinner energy is already simmering.

Original Post

So I(25F) have been having rather… odd conversations with my dad(46M) every time I've spoken to him for the past 3 or 4 times, and the last time, we talked about his intentions with his finances/assets for after he’s passed away. Now my father hasn’t been the best father to me or any of my siblings(M:18F, A:14F & F:13F).

In fact, he was(and is) a p**s poor excuse for one, and none of us are close to him. In the past few years, my father’s health has truly taken a turn for the worst(his fault), and I guess some small part of me feels bad for him, so I do call and check on him semi-regularly(at least once or twice a month to inquire about his health).

We can’t spend too much time in each other’s presence without s**t hitting the fan though, so a call is the most I’m willing to do most of the time, with the occasional visit. A few days ago, he was telling me what to do with his assets and how he wants them to be divided when he dies, and it was all me and M with me having decision making authority, but he never even mentioned A or F, who he’s been a deadbeat to for their entire lives.

I listened to what he had to say and even encouraged him to get a will written up with an attorney if he was worried, but honestly, I’m thinking once s**t is over and done with, and he finally does kick the bucket(not that I’m hoping), I’m thinking of either splitting whatever’s available four ways, and if M doesn’t agree, I’ll split whatever I get three ways because it isn’t fair. I have not spoken to anyone about it, and I’ve decided to talk to my mom about it soon, but some small part of me feels guilty for even thinking about this because it isn’t what he wants, but none of us wanted a b*****d for a father so a larger part of me doesn’t feel bad.

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Also, it’s similar to the sister who keeps dumping babysitting on her sibling, and the sibling asks when to say no.

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OP is already calling once or twice a month just to check on her dad’s health, so hearing him lay out division plans feels like the call got hijacked.

The moment dad says OP and M get the authority while A and F get ignored, the fairness alarms start blaring in OP’s head.

OP even pushes him to get a will written up, but she’s still mentally drafting an equal split once he’s gone, with a backup plan if M disagrees.

And because OP admits none of them wanted to be stuck with him, the guilt hits harder, like she’s betraying the deadbeat dad by thinking about her share.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

The real problem is that OP is trying to be fair in a family where dad never was.

Before you split dad’s assets, see whether a bride should make her brother pay wedding costs he caused.