Her Siblings Picked An Expensive Restaurant For Their Mom’s Birthday — Then Quietly Expected Her To Pay The Entire Bill

A Reddit user, the oldest of four siblings, found herself at the center of a family blowup after what was supposed to be a simple birthday dinner for her mother. With three adult siblings who don’t work for various reasons, she assumed the bill would be handled the way it always had been before.

Her sister chose a mid-to-expensive restaurant, and by all accounts, the night went well until the check arrived. That’s when everyone suddenly looked at the OP, silently expecting her to pay.

The Redditor was stunned, especially since she had never agreed to cover the bill and their father was present. In her mind, family dinners had always followed a familiar rule: dads usually pick up the tab.

Instead, her sister made a pointed remark, saying she would have paid “out of the generosity of her heart” if she had a job. The comment sparked a full-on pileup, with the siblings backing her up and accusing the OP of being cheap and stingy.

The argument escalated quickly, leaving the Redditor in tears and completely blindsided. What hurt most was being painted as selfish despite years of quietly covering gifts, trips, outings, and special occasions.

She explained that those gestures were given freely, not as an open-ended promise. Now, she fears that her generosity has turned into an expectation she can’t sustain.

The OP also pointed out that her siblings don’t understand financial reality because they don’t pay bills. She worked hard for stability, and she resents being treated like a walking wallet.

With vacations and birthdays coming up, the family is already planning expensive activities. This time, the Redditor plans to insist on splitting costs, regardless of the backlash.

She’s bracing for familiar accusations of being cold-hearted or ungenerous. Still, she believes adults who can’t afford luxury plans shouldn’t expect someone else to fund them.

The argument escalated quickly, leaving the Redditor in tears and completely blindsided.

AI-generated image

Here's the original post by Reddit user 'sneezingfeathers'.

Context: oldest sister here with 3 adult siblings who don’t work (various reasons, school, unemployed, mental health issues etc) We were celebrating my mothers birthday, my sister picked a mid/expensive place. We had a good time, decent food.When the bill came they looked to me. I was so taken aback and confused because I never agreed to cover the bill, plus my dad was there so I assumed he would cover the bill for the restaurant. I mean don’t dads normally cover the bill for family dinners? My sister made a snarky comment that if she had a job she would’ve covered the bill out of the generosity of her heart (because she’s holier than thou). And my siblings backed her up on it.We got into a huge argument that day, and my siblings tag teamed against me and said I was the bad guy for not picking up the tab and I was cheap and stingy, and I don’t have a generous heart. I was shocked and I cried that day. Mind you… there has been countless times I paid for things… nice birthday gifts, outings, vacations, shows. I did them because I wanted to, but I now I feel like I whammied myself, my kind gestures have turned into expectation. And I can’t keep doing this.I feel like because they don’t work and don’t pay bills, they don’t know the reality of finances. Money doesn’t grow on trees and it doesn’t come for free. I worked so damn hard in my life, I didn’t do all that so that my unemployed adult siblings can splurge. Now vacations are coming up and siblings birthday is coming up.They want to do something expensive because so and so did something expensive. I want them to enjoy vacation and have a good birthday, but I’m gonna hold my ground this time and request to split everything. I don’t care. If they can’t afford their portion….then don’t do nice things/don’t buy nice things. Better yet get a job. I can already sense an argument coming over this…calling me stingy, calling me cold hearted, calling me a bad person, that if they had money they would’ve happily splurged on family. I can’t with this, maybe I should stop hanging out with them altogether. Someone give me a reality check. Am I cheap, stingy, cold hearted for not splurging on my siblings? AITAHEdit: Wow thank you everyone for all of these responses! It really put some things in perspective for me. My takeaway from you guys : 1. I’m partly to blame for enabling this behavior to begin with. But that does not mean it’s OK for this to continue. And I won’t allow it anymore, even if that leaves me on bad terms with them. 2. Every dollar I spend on them is a dollar taken away from my future, my goals, my savings, my future kids etc. It’s not selfish to focus on me. 3. They’re not my children. They’re not even children period. They’re not my responsibility 4. I’m gonna go low contact and start avoiding major family hangouts/vacations. Or I will explicitly ask to split, and just pay my portion. 5. After reading all of this, I wonder if the root cause for this behavior could be jealousy? They don’t want to see me work hard, succeed, and get ahead in life… at least not without them. It’s parasitic behavior like someone mentioned. Maybe blood isn’t thicker than water after all…. which makes me feel sad and hurt.

Here's how the Reddit community reacted.

Maximum-Shallot-2447

"Avoid them."

Fantastic_Mechanic73

"I call BS."

Effective-Hour8642

"They’re treating you like an ATM."

FlashyHabit3030

NTA.

AdLiving2291

"Your siblings are ridiculously entitled."

InitialSquirrel7491

"Just don't go."

Xterradiver

"You need to learn to say no."

gringaellie

Don't be a doormat.

Shichimi88

"Tell them beforehand."

howiethegiraffe

"Call it a day."

Hawaiianstylin808

"Start hanging out with others."

Sherlsnark

"Get the money upfront."

Supernova-Max

Time to grow a spine.

Life_Repeat310

In an update, the Redditor said the comments gave her much-needed clarity. She acknowledged enabling the behavior but decided it would stop now.

She also realized that every dollar spent covering others is a dollar taken from her future. Ultimately, she plans to go low contact or strictly pay her share, even if it strains family ties.

The OP ended by wondering whether jealousy fuels the dynamic, calling it parasitic and deeply painful. While the realization hurt, she made one thing clear: she’s done paying the price for someone else’s entitlement.