Mother-In-Law Calls Son's Fiancee Selfish For Not Cooking For The Family During Her Free Time Off Work

On the "AITA" subreddit, a user named "manekistorm" shared a situation she is dealing with in her current living arrangement. Manekistorm is a 30-year-old woman who moved in with her fiancé's parents in January to save money and help them pay bills.

According to her, she and her fiancé pay half the rent and the internet bills and contribute to groceries. Manekistorm admits that she has never been interested in cooking since she has always lived independently and worked full-time.

She doesn't have kids and likes to spend her free time on "selfish" activities like watching TV, sleeping, and playing video games. As a condition of living with her fiancé's parents, Manekistorm agreed to follow their rules, which included not having dogs or alcohol.

Manekistorm's mother-in-law usually cooks for the family a few nights a week, which she was already doing before they moved in. To show her appreciation, Manekistorm cleans the dishes and puts away the leftovers.

However, Manekistorm's mother-in-law has started complaining about how no one else is cooking, which Manekistorm believes is aimed at her. Manekistorm feels she shouldn't have to do anything other than pay her share of the bills and clean up after herself.

She works full-time in a warehouse, while her mother-in-law works part-time from home. Manekistorm believes she shouldn't have to do "housewife" chores, as she doesn't expect her fiancé to help her with "manly" duties like changing her car oil.

However, her mother-in-law seems unhappy that Manekistorm isn't spending her free time with the family or cooking. Manekistorm wants to know if she's the a-hole in this situation.

Here's how the AITA community responded to her post.

Here's OP's story.

u/manekistorm

1. She needs to explicitly inform her mother-in-law about how she's contributing to chores.

u/manekistorm

2. She should consider not eating the food her mother-in-law cooks.

u/manekistorm

Expectations and Gender Roles in Relationships

The tension between traditional gender roles and modern expectations can create significant conflict within relationships. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that when one partner feels pressured to conform to outdated roles, resentment is likely to build. In this case, the mother-in-law's expectations may reflect societal norms that conflict with the fiancée's personal values and autonomy.

3. They wouldn't have this issue if they lived alone.

u/manekistorm

4. Clear communication should fix the problem.

u/manekistorm

5. Things will get worse if she doesn't move out.

u/manekistorm

From a psychological standpoint, the pressure to conform to familial expectations can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Theories related to social identity suggest that individuals who feel their values are not recognized may experience identity conflict, leading to stress and dissatisfaction. This dissonance can result in a breakdown of familial relationships if not addressed constructively.

6. Just because she's paying rent doesn't make the family home a hotel room.

u/manekistorm

7. She should never have moved in with her in-laws.

u/manekistorm

8. She's not contributing enough to be exempt from cooking.

u/manekistorm

Establishing Healthy Boundaries

To mitigate these tensions, establishing clear boundaries is essential. Research indicates that boundary-setting can enhance relationship satisfaction and reduce conflicts. Engaging in conversations about expectations and personal values can help both the fiancée and the mother-in-law understand each other's perspectives and foster mutual respect.

9. Moving in was wrong.

u/manekistorm

10. If she's eating her mother-in-law's food, she should reciprocate by cooking for her.

u/manekistorm

What do you think?

When one feels like they're doing most of the household chores, it can create tension and frustration in a relationship or living arrangement. However, it's essential to recognize that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses, as well as different schedules and priorities.

Making compromises is necessary to find a solution that works for everyone. It might involve dividing up specific tasks, finding ways to make chores more efficient, or exploring outside resources like hiring a cleaner or ordering pre-made meals.

It's also important to acknowledge and appreciate each other's efforts and to communicate openly and respectfully when issues arise. With a willingness to work together and a commitment to fairness and respect, compromises can help create a happier and healthier household for everyone involved.

Additionally, seeking couples therapy can provide a safe space for both partners to navigate family dynamics. Studies in the Journal of Family Psychology emphasize that therapy can help couples develop healthier communication patterns and strengthen their relationship amidst external pressures. This approach allows for greater understanding and collaboration in addressing familial expectations.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the complexities of navigating familial expectations and personal autonomy. It’s essential to recognize that these pressures can create significant stress for both partners. Encouraging open dialogue about boundaries and values is crucial to fostering a supportive and understanding relationship.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating familial expectations requires careful consideration of personal values and open communication. Research supports the idea that establishing boundaries and seeking professional support can significantly enhance relationship satisfaction. By prioritizing mutual respect and understanding, couples can work through these challenges together.