Filipino Working Overseas Stops Sending Money To Family After They Forgot Her Birthday, Prompting Realization They Treat Her Like an ATM

A Reddit OP questioned whether her family valued her during her recent birthday. While her colleagues and friends celebrated her day, her family back in her home country could not even muster a half-hearted greeting.

It took OP a few days to realize that her father and brother, who were financially dependent on her, had forgotten her birthday entirely. She theorized that they only valued her monetary contributions.

To test this theory, OP canceled the recurring monthly wire transfers to her father and brother. Like clockwork, when the money didn't hit their bank accounts on the usual day that OP used to send it, she received messages from them.

Her brother asked, "How are you, my sister? How was your birthday?" Her dad's message, which said, "How are you, daughter? I love you so much," implied he didn't remember it at all.

OP's theory held water. She felt conflicted because her brother had no other source of income, as he was still a medical student.

He also had two dogs he needed to care for. As for OP's dad, he had two kids and a wife of the same age as OP, who needed the money.

OP's dad was unemployed and relied on the kindness of his relatives living overseas to sustain his family's needs. Despite being abandoned by her dad when she and her brother were kids, OP managed to be generous to him.

OP is saddened and upset about what she learned. She hasn't sent any money to her family in the Philippines since then.

roku330

OP didn't inform her dad and brother why she stopped sending them money. Her brother still plans to live overseas using the money and plane ticket OP set aside for him.

roku330

Understanding Financial Relationships

The situation involving the overseas worker illustrates the complexities of financial relationships within families.

According to Dr. Dan Gilbert, a happiness researcher, "Financial support can create an emotional burden that leads to resentment when one family member feels taken for granted." This sentiment is echoed by Liz Weston, a financial columnist, who notes, "When families rely heavily on one person for financial support, it can damage relationships and create emotional distance." Such dynamics highlight the importance of balanced financial interactions to maintain healthy family connections.

OP's guilt gnawed at her. She was raised in a culture that expected successful children to financially sustain their family. However, she felt used. The recent birthday snub proved how little they valued her.

roku330

OP has shown enough generosity to her family. She is how they have survived all these years, yet they can't even remember to show their appreciation for her on her birthday.

newfriend836639

Studies indicate that individuals who perceive themselves as being treated like an 'ATM' often struggle with feelings of being undervalued.

This can lead to a breakdown in communication and trust, further complicating familial relationships.

It was poor planning on her brother's part to adopt two dogs when he doesn't even live independently.

K_1959

OP needs to remind herself a few times a day that she is not responsible for two ungrateful adults or anyone else who depends on them. Their family ties are irrelevant in this situation.

Serious_Hamster_9361

Navigating Expectations Around Financial Support

It's crucial for families to establish clear expectations around financial support to prevent misunderstandings.

Experts recommend having open discussions about financial contributions and support, which can help clarify each person's role in the family dynamic.

Setting boundaries around financial assistance can also promote healthier relationships.

How bold of him to procreate when he doesn't have a job. Does he even plan to get one?

slendermanismydad

OP should view this as an opportunity to start anew. She would save herself a lot of money and heartache if she stopped the monthly subscription to "earn" her family's love.

AlarmingDelay3709

Therapeutic interventions can aid families in navigating these complex dynamics. Family therapy can provide a safe space for members to articulate their feelings about financial expectations and support.

This can lead to a better understanding of individual needs and reduce feelings of resentment.

I can only imagine OP's heartache when she realized that the people she worked so hard for couldn't even be bothered to remember her birthday.

HoshiJones

OP feels used because her family is using her.

Reddit user

The last commenter stated it astutely. The money that OP sent was meant for her family to better themselves and supplement the income they were earning themselves.

OP shouldn't have to carry the financial burden for her brother and dad, who are more than capable of making an honest living. OP didn't share any updates, but her decision shouldn't be difficult after realizing how little she meant to her family without a financial incentive.

Funny how they remembered when OP's monthly transfers were supposed to hit their bank account, but they couldn't remember her birthday.

CalendarDad

OP's situation is a sad reality for many Filipinos living and working overseas.

1hate3putts

Even if her dad and brother apologized, OP should still stop propping up their lifestyles with her money.

southernwinter

How long will OP's brother last before he asks her for money?

sushi_is_life2468

Your family should uplift you, not burden you.

AnonymooseVamoose

Psychological Analysis

This scenario underscores the emotional complexities of financial support within families, particularly when expectations are misaligned.

Understanding these dynamics can help family members navigate their relationships more effectively, promoting mutual respect and understanding.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Financial relationships within families can become complicated and fraught with emotional implications.

Research supports the idea that open communication and boundary-setting can help mitigate tensions and foster healthier family dynamics.