"Friend" Tries To Manipulate Acquaintance Into Paying For Her Living Mother's Future Funeral

Some people don’t recognize a favor. They recognize a payout.

In this Reddit post, OP is still reeling from her father’s death from cancer, just 72 hours after it happened. Then a friend drops another bombshell: her mother has cancer too, and she “can’t afford” the funeral. You’d think that would come with sympathy for OP’s loss, or at least a real check-in. Instead, the friend’s timing feels cold, and OP clocks the subtext fast.

What makes it extra twisted is how the hints turn into pressure, with a GoFundMe link showing up like a receipt.

"Mom has cancer," the friend said. It had been 72 hours since her father died of cancer, so OP was deeply affected by her friend's news.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP expressed how terrible that must be, and her friend replied that she can't afford her mother's funeral.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP was taken aback. She realized her friend didn't even ask about how she was or offer solace for her father's passing.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

This scenario powerfully highlights the insidious nature of emotional manipulation.

OP's gut told her that her friend was up to something. She was trying to see if OP had money since she was clearly thinking of buying a BMW.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP realized her innocent thought experiment could get her in trouble if people started to assume that she was financially well-off now.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP received a weekly message from her friend until December of that year.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP’s father is only three days dead when the friend starts talking about her mom’s funeral costs, and it immediately feels off.

Manipulative behavior often stems from deeper insecurities or unmet needs in the manipulator. Individuals who engage in such tactics may lack the skills to express their needs directly and resort to underhanded methods instead.

Recognizing this pattern can empower individuals to respond more effectively when faced with manipulation.

Her friend's mom was still alive, but the funeral expenses were already stressing her out. Surely OP would help a friend out?

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Her friend didn't ask OP outright to sponsor her mom's funeral, but she persistently hinted at it. OP told her friend she should talk to the hospice and see if they had financial programs for families who needed assistance.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP didn't have a problem helping her friend out when they needed a few bucks before she or her husband got paid. But funeral-related expenses would cost more than a few bucks.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Instead of asking how OP is doing or offering condolences, the friend keeps steering the conversation toward money and whether OP has any to spare.

That push-and-pull feels similar to the AITA fight over asking a friend to cover grandma’s medical bills without prior discussion.

Research shows that setting and maintaining boundaries can significantly improve interpersonal dynamics and foster healthier relationships.

Her friend even sent OP a GoFundMe link with no preamble or anything.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP knows not to ask directly if her friend is trying to scam her out of money, but she considered it.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Do previous good deeds entitle OP's friend to hint (or demand) this much from her?

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

When OP mentions hospice programs, the friend doesn’t slow down, and the “just checking” energy turns into persistent nudging.

Self-advocacy is a crucial skill when dealing with manipulative behaviors.

This friend couldn't even wait a week before trying to siphon OP's inheritance. Her father's estate isn't even settled yet!

[deleted], RelentlesslyCrooked

Is she really a friend when she is so obviously trying to use OP?

notsas

She is definitely preying on OP's vulnerability to get what she wants.

RelentlesslyCrooked

OP is giving entitled people too much credit. They are not that self-aware. It's why they think they can make these demands of people they know.

RelentlesslyCrooked

OP should start accepting that the person who used to be her friend is no longer there. The scent of money revealed who she has been all along.

KimiMcG

It is not OP's responsibility to shoulder the cost of a funeral for a friend's relative. Her own father didn't even demand that much from her or her siblings.

MtnDream

Then the friend sends a GoFundMe link with zero preamble, and OP is left wondering if she’s being tested, baited, or both.

Some people really do love guessing at endowments when a presumed wealthy person dies. They make inaccurate calculations of a person's net worth and think, "How can I get some of that?"

Thanks to Redditors, OP realized that this person wasn't her friend. She was someone who did her some favors in the hope of getting something more valuable in return.

The situation outlined in the article highlights the complexities of manipulation within personal relationships, especially during vulnerable times like grief. The Redditor's acquaintance attempts to leverage the recent loss of OP's father to coerce her into financing a future funeral for her living mother. By asserting her own needs and advocating for her financial independence, the Redditor can safeguard herself against emotional exploitation. Navigating these interpersonal dynamics with both confidence and sensitivity can lead to healthier connections, even amidst the aftermath of loss.

OP wasn’t worried about being kind, she was worried about being used.

Wait, there is more pressure like this, in a WIBTA question about demanding repayment after a friend used the money for an emergency.