"Friend" Tries To Manipulate Acquaintance Into Paying For Her Living Mother's Future Funeral

After a swift battle with kidney cancer, a Redditor's father passed away peacefully. OP's dad planned and paid for his funeral arrangements years before his death.

He also left a will dividing his assets equitably among his five children. Her dad asked OP to use her inheritance to pay off her mortgage and to buy a car that was suited to her needs.

OP has scoliosis. The money she will inherit from her father's estate will help her financially recover from a recent surgery.

As she promised her late father, OP began searching for a car. She found a used car shop with a listing for a 2012 BMW 5 Series that has massage seats.

For someone with scoliosis, this was a dream car to have, OP thought. The car was reasonably priced for its mileage, but it was still beyond OP's budget.

OP runs a scoliosis support group with a large following and thought the car dilemma would be a fun thought experiment. She asked the members if they would buy a car with massage seats if they were given a certain amount in cash.

OP didn't indicate anywhere in the post that she intended to buy the car. Her informal census became a lot less fun when an acquaintance sent her a DM literally a few seconds after she made the post.

"Mom has cancer," the friend said. It had been 72 hours since her father died of cancer, so OP was deeply affected by her friend's news.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP expressed how terrible that must be, and her friend replied that she can't afford her mother's funeral.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP was taken aback. She realized her friend didn't even ask about how she was or offer solace for her father's passing.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Navigating Manipulation in Relationships

This situation illustrates a common form of social manipulation often referred to as emotional blackmail. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "Emotional blackmail is a tactic used to control and manipulate someone by exploiting their feelings of guilt and obligation." Understanding these dynamics is crucial for recognizing when boundaries are being violated. As noted by Dr. William Doherty, a family therapist, "Recognizing the signs of manipulation can empower individuals to set healthier boundaries in their relationships."

OP's gut told her that her friend was up to something. She was trying to see if OP had money since she was clearly thinking of buying a BMW.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP realized her innocent thought experiment could get her in trouble if people started to assume that she was financially well-off now.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP received a weekly message from her friend until December of that year.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Manipulative behavior often stems from deeper insecurities or unmet needs in the manipulator. According to psychological studies, individuals who engage in such tactics may lack the skills to express their needs directly and resort to underhanded methods instead.

Recognizing this pattern can empower individuals to respond more effectively when faced with manipulation.

Her friend's mom was still alive, but the funeral expenses were already stressing her out. Surely OP would help a friend out?

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Her friend didn't ask OP outright to sponsor her mom's funeral, but she persistently hinted at it. OP told her friend she should talk to the hospice and see if they had financial programs for families who needed assistance.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP didn't have a problem helping her friend out when they needed a few bucks before she or her husband got paid. But funeral-related expenses would cost more than a few bucks.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

One effective strategy for dealing with manipulative individuals is to establish clear boundaries. Research shows that setting and maintaining boundaries can significantly improve interpersonal dynamics and foster healthier relationships.

In this case, the Redditor can benefit from expressing their limits assertively, making it clear that they do not feel comfortable being pressured into financial obligations.

Her friend even sent OP a GoFundMe link with no preamble or anything.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

OP knows not to ask directly if her friend is trying to scam her out of money, but she considered it.

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

Do previous good deeds entitle OP's friend to hint (or demand) this much from her?

u/RelentlesslyCrooked

The Importance of Self-Advocacy

Self-advocacy is a crucial skill when dealing with manipulative behaviors. Studies have shown that individuals who advocate for themselves are more likely to maintain healthy relationships and avoid toxic dynamics.

Encouraging the Redditor to reinforce their sense of self-worth and articulate their needs can help them navigate this complex situation more confidently.

This friend couldn't even wait a week before trying to siphon OP's inheritance. Her father's estate isn't even settled yet!

[deleted], RelentlesslyCrooked

Is she really a friend when she is so obviously trying to use OP?

notsas

She is definitely preying on OP's vulnerability to get what she wants.

RelentlesslyCrooked

OP is giving entitled people too much credit. They are not that self-aware. It's why they think they can make these demands of people they know.

RelentlesslyCrooked

OP should start accepting that the person who used to be her friend is no longer there. The scent of money revealed who she has been all along.

KimiMcG

It is not OP's responsibility to shoulder the cost of a funeral for a friend's relative. Her own father didn't even demand that much from her or her siblings.

MtnDream

Some people really do love guessing at endowments when a presumed wealthy person dies. They make inaccurate calculations of a person's net worth and think, "How can I get some of that?"

Thanks to Redditors, OP realized that this person wasn't her friend. She was someone who did her some favors in the hope of getting something more valuable in return.

Psychological Analysis

This scenario exemplifies the complexities of interpersonal relationships, particularly regarding manipulation and boundary-setting. Recognizing manipulative tactics can empower individuals to respond appropriately and assertively protect their needs.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Addressing manipulation in relationships requires a delicate balance of assertiveness and empathy. By establishing boundaries and practicing self-advocacy, individuals can protect themselves from being exploited while also fostering healthier interpersonal connections.