Friends' Messy Habits Lead to Apartment Drama - AITA for Moving Out?

Some roommates make you feel like family, others make you feel like you’re running a never-ending cleaning service. This one started out fine for Sarah and her friend’s new roommate situation, then slowly turned into a full-blown apartment mess that nobody wanted to own up to.

The original poster (26) moved in with Sarah (25) for six months, expecting a normal shared space. Instead, Sarah left clothes in the living room for days, ignored dishes and trash until she was reminded, and somehow always got a pass. Then a stray cat situation blew up the carpet, and it got even worse when Sarah’s brother Marty (26) moved in “temporarily,” filling the living room with his stuff, hogging the TV, and adding to the chaos.

Now it’s about who paid for what, who cleaned what, and whether moving out makes her the bad guy.

Original Post

I (F26) moved in with my friend Sarah (F25), and we lived together for about six months. It was great for a bit, but she wasn’t a tidy roommate.

She’d leave her clothes all over the living room for days, wouldn't do her dishes in a timely manner, and wouldn’t take out the trash unless reminded. I didn’t mind cleaning up after her because I wanted to help her out since she was always busy with work, but it got tiring after a while.

I sent her a few polite texts asking her to keep the communal areas clean. She apologized, and things improved, but it reverted to how it was after a while.

A few months later, I briefly took in a stray cat, but ultimately it didn’t work out. Her cat and the new cat didn’t get along, and the new cat urinated all over the apartment.

It was around this time that Sarah’s brother, Marty (M26), moved in with us temporarily until we could find a bigger apartment. We weren’t allowed to add another person to the lease, and I liked our apartment, but I agreed.

Sarah and Marty suggested that I should hire a carpet cleaner to get rid of the cat urine smell. I suggested we wait until our furniture was moved out to have the carpet cleaned because I thought we’d be moving out soon.

Sarah hired a carpet cleaner without telling me and said I would have to pick up the bill. We had an argument about it, but I let it go because, after all, it was my cat that made the mess.

We argued about whether or not I should have to pay for her room's cleaning, but I ended up paying for her room as well. Marty had been living with us for about a month and a half at this point.

His belongings took up the entire living room, his clothes were everywhere, he was always using the TV, and both Sarah and Marty hardly cleaned up after themselves. Sarah let her cousin stay with us for a week, and she was even worse!

Our apartment was gross, and I felt like no one cared about how I felt. I decided to ask Sarah if Marty could help us out with rent since he was using our utilities and taking up a lot of space.

Sarah said, “I mean, he’s literally sleeping on the couch?” I suggested that maybe he could pitch in like 200 bucks or something. Sarah wasn’t happy with this, but I asked Marty anyway if he wouldn’t mind pitching in, and he did.

Even though Marty did help out, I was hurt by the way Sarah talked to me during our disagreements. After a few days of contemplation, I told them I was moving out.

I contacted our landlord, who said Sarah would need to move out if I left. Feeling bad, I told Sarah I would move out without informing the landlord but stay on the lease for three months to give them time to find a new place.

Sarah was very upset with me, but I thought I was being as fair as possible. I moved my things out while Sarah was at work, and we haven’t spoken since.

Am I the asshole?

It felt manageable when the original poster was just cleaning up Sarah’s clothes, dishes, and trash, until the stray cat and the urine disaster made everything smell like the apartment was cursed.

The story highlights the complexities of living with friends, especially when personal habits clash.

Comment from u/Baby_silvertooth

Comment from u/AutoModerator

Once Marty moved in, the living room basically became a storage unit, the TV got constant use, and the original poster realized the “temporary” roommate situation was turning into a lifestyle.

Also, a pregnant woman vs her sisters pressuring her to share cravings is its own kind of boundary fight.

The carpet cleaner fight exploded when Sarah hired someone without telling her, then acted like the original poster should just cover the bill, even though she already had enough on her plate.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

The roommate drama unfolding in this story underscores the critical importance of proactive communication and compromise among friends living together. The tensions arising from the protagonist's struggle to maintain a clean space amidst messy habits highlight how quickly misunderstandings can escalate in shared living situations.

This narrative serves as a reminder that voicing concerns in a supportive way is essential. Without this foundational communication, relationships can suffer, leading to the kind of apartment drama that drives one to consider moving out. The key takeaway is that a harmonious home life is built on mutual respect and understanding, which can often be lost amidst the chaos of everyday living.

After paying for Sarah’s room cleaning too, the original poster tried to negotiate rent help from Marty, and that’s when the whole arrangement started to feel like a raw deal for her.

Additionally, studies in environmental psychology reveal that cluttered living spaces can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and stress.

Strategies for Resolving Roommate Conflicts

Initiating regular check-ins can provide a platform for addressing issues before they escalate.

She might be happier in a different apartment, because nobody should have to pay for someone else’s mess twice.

For another betrayal spiral, read about cheating on a couples fitness diet behind their partner’s back.