Redditor Considering Getting Back Together With Ex-Boyfriend Who Lied To Her And Had An Active Online Dating Profile

Some people fall fast, and then reality sprints in like it pays rent. OP met her ex-boyfriend a year ago, they clicked immediately, and she was already feeling that “this could be something real” glow.

But the spark got tangled in a web of missing work and outright lies. She kept asking when he’d return to work, then learned from his mother that he hadn’t worked for 14 years. On top of that, she found out he had an active online dating profile, and she ended things.

Now he’s getting recertified, and OP is stuck wondering if this is a real change or just another chapter in the same messy story.

OP met her ex-boyfriend a year ago, and they immediately hit it off

u/Claude_Ballz818

OP quickly fell in love with him

u/Claude_Ballz818

OP kept asking him about returning to work, but he wasn't planning on it

u/Claude_Ballz818

That first “he seems great” vibe started fading the moment OP realized he wasn’t planning to return to work.

Exploring Trust Issues

In relationships, trust is foundational, and breaches can lead to complex emotional responses, including confusion and doubt.

This can cloud decision-making and hinder one's ability to see the relationship objectively.

OP found out from his mother that he hasn't worked for the last 14 years

u/Claude_Ballz818

OP dumped him when she found out about his online dating profile, but now she's considering getting back together

u/Claude_Ballz818

The ex-boyfriend is getting recertified, and OP isn't sure if she's doing the right thing

u/Claude_Ballz818

When OP learned from his mother that he hadn’t worked for 14 years, the whole relationship suddenly felt built on smoke.

Research from the University of Michigan indicates that individuals who have experienced betrayal often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, questioning their self-worth.

This can lead to a psychological phenomenon called 'fear of abandonment,' where one feels perpetually anxious about being left or hurt again.

Understanding this can help the individual recognize their emotional triggers during this decision-making process.

This brings to mind the friend who dated OP’s ex, and the hurt over secrecy.

OP had a few things to explain further

u/Claude_Ballz818

A 54-year-old child

u/lonlyreadtitle

One big lie is enough

u/sanguinare12

The online dating profile was the final gut punch, because it made her ex look like he was still shopping while she was emotionally all in.

Rebuilding Trust

Therapeutic approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) are effective in rebuilding trust within relationships.

Engaging in EFT may help the woman assess if her ex-boyfriend's intentions have genuinely changed.

A rabbit hole of dysfunction

u/NoHandBananaNo

No time to waste

u/Constant_Cultural

Time to move on

u/bindersfulloffff

Now that he’s getting recertified, OP has to decide whether his next move is proof of change or just another trapdoor.

It's crucial to weigh positive experiences against negative ones when considering rekindling a relationship.

Studies show that reflecting on positive interactions can help individuals regain perspective and prioritize what truly matters in a relationship.

This sort of cognitive reframing is a valuable tool for making informed decisions without the cloud of past hurts.

In matters of the heart, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. It's a personal journey filled with twists, turns, and maybe a few loop-de-loops. Only time will tell if OP and the ex can ride this rollercoaster of love again without getting motion sickness.

In the end, love is messy, complicated, and rarely follows a script. OP, armed with love and a healthy dose of caution, stands at the crossroads of past hurt and potential happiness, wondering if this rollercoaster is worth another spin.

Practical Considerations

Before making a decision, it might be helpful for OP to define what she needs from her partner to feel secure moving forward.

Rebuilding trust in relationships is never straightforward, especially when one partner has been dishonest. In the case of the Redditor contemplating a reunion with her ex-boyfriend, who not only lied but also maintained an active online dating profile, the path to restoring faith is laden with challenges. Transparency and a genuine commitment to change are crucial for both parties in this scenario.

Trust is cultivated through consistent, small actions rather than grand gestures. It is essential for both individuals to engage in open communication about their feelings and experiences. Acknowledging the pain caused by the betrayal while actively working towards healing can potentially transform past grievances into a foundation for a more resilient relationship. However, it remains to be seen whether the ex-boyfriend is willing to take the necessary steps to demonstrate that he has truly changed.

Nobody wants to rebuild trust with someone who lied, then acted single.

Still unsure about friend-ex boundaries? See what happened when OP considered dating their friend’s ex.