Redditor Considering Getting Back Together With Ex-Boyfriend Who Lied To Her And Had An Active Online Dating Profile

So, a year ago, OP met a guy in the real world, not on some dating app or through a friend's cousin's neighbor. They hit it off like two peas in a pod. He's a tradesman, the kind that fixes things like HVAC, plumbing, and electrical issues – the unsung heroes of household mishaps.

But here's the kicker – he's on a "sabbatical" and living with his mom. Red flags? Maybe, but love often makes us ignore those little warning signs, doesn't it?

As the love story unfolds, OP discovers that this seemingly perfect guy is a 50-year-old virgin who has never left the cozy nest of his mother's house. He's got $15k in savings, a heart of gold, and Asperger's.

Despite the quirks and the fact that he's been out of work since 2009, OP falls head over heels for his kindness, silliness, intelligence, and the fact that they share a major hobby.

Fast forward a bit, and BAM! The first major plot twist hits. It turns out the guy had been out of work by choice for 14 years, not the two he claimed.

OP, rightfully furious, slams the brakes on this love train, breaking up with him on the spot. Oh, but wait, there's more! OP also caught him with an active online dating profile. Major red flag number two, right?

Now, some time has passed, and the heartstrings are pulling. OP and the ex miss each other like crazy. The ex is ready to get his act together. He's taking steps to recertify in his trade and promises to dive back into the workforce once the paperwork is in order.

The burning question is: is OP doing the right thing by considering a reunion? Love is a tricky beast, my friends. The ex has some serious redeeming qualities, and let's face it, everyone deserves a second chance. OP is grappling with the decision, torn between the past lies and the potential for a future together.

The question remains – should OP wait for the job hunt victory or take the leap of faith now?

OP met her ex-boyfriend a year ago, and they immediately hit it off

u/Claude_Ballz818

OP quickly fell in love with him

u/Claude_Ballz818

OP kept asking him about returning to work, but he wasn't planning on it

u/Claude_Ballz818

Exploring Trust Issues

In relationships, trust is foundational, and breaches can lead to complex emotional responses, including confusion and doubt.

Psychologists have noted that when trust is broken, individuals often enter a cycle of rumination, analyzing past interactions for signs of deceit.

This can cloud decision-making and hinder one's ability to see the relationship objectively.

OP found out from his mother that he hasn't worked for the last 14 years

u/Claude_Ballz818

OP dumped him when she found out about his online dating profile, but now she's considering getting back together

u/Claude_Ballz818

The ex-boyfriend is getting recertified, and OP isn't sure if she's doing the right thing

u/Claude_Ballz818

Research from the University of Michigan indicates that individuals who have experienced betrayal often struggle with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, questioning their self-worth.

This can lead to a psychological phenomenon called 'fear of abandonment,' where one feels perpetually anxious about being left or hurt again.

Understanding this can help the individual recognize their emotional triggers during this decision-making process.

OP had a few things to explain further

u/Claude_Ballz818

A 54-year-old child

u/lonlyreadtitle

One big lie is enough

u/sanguinare12

Rebuilding Trust

Therapeutic approaches such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) are effective in rebuilding trust within relationships.

Dr. Sue Johnson's research highlights that creating safe emotional spaces encourages open communication, allowing both partners to express vulnerabilities.

Engaging in EFT may help the woman assess if her ex-boyfriend's intentions have genuinely changed.

A rabbit hole of dysfunction

u/NoHandBananaNo

No time to waste

u/Constant_Cultural

Time to move on

u/bindersfulloffff

It's crucial to weigh positive experiences against negative ones when considering rekindling a relationship.

Studies show that reflecting on positive interactions can help individuals regain perspective and prioritize what truly matters in a relationship.

This sort of cognitive reframing is a valuable tool for making informed decisions without the cloud of past hurts.

In matters of the heart, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. It's a personal journey filled with twists, turns, and maybe a few loop-de-loops. Only time will tell if OP and the ex can ride this rollercoaster of love again without getting motion sickness.

In the end, love is messy, complicated, and rarely follows a script. OP, armed with love and a healthy dose of caution, stands at the crossroads of past hurt and potential happiness, wondering if this rollercoaster is worth another spin.

Practical Considerations

Setting clear boundaries is essential in any relationship, particularly after a breach of trust. Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a relationship therapist, states, "Boundaries are the key to healthy relationships; they help us define what we need to feel safe and respected." Establishing and communicating these boundaries can foster a sense of safety, as highlighted on her professional website dralexandrasolomon.com. Before making a decision, it might be helpful for OP to define what she needs from her partner to feel secure moving forward.

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects classic patterns of betrayal and trust issues that often arise after significant relationship breaches.

It's common for individuals to feel torn between their emotional attachments and the rational concerns about past behaviors, which can complicate the decision-making process.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Rebuilding trust is a complex process that requires transparency and commitment from both individuals involved.

According to Dr. Esther Perel, couples therapist and author: "Trust is built in small moments, and it requires a willingness to be vulnerable and to communicate openly." She emphasizes that acknowledging past hurts while focusing on healing can lead to stronger, more resilient relationships.