Father Asks If He's Wrong For Telling Adult Son To Get Over Divorce That Happened Nine Years Ago

A 28-year-old man is still mad about his parents’ divorce, and his dad thinks the correct response is basically, “get over it.” The twist is, this split happened nine years ago, long after Michael was old enough to make his own decisions, and long after the family tried to move on like it was just another chapter.

OP and his ex-wife, Natalie, stayed together as “friends” for the kids, Michael and Lily, until Michael headed off to college. Then they officially divorced, and Michael apparently never fully processed the fallout. Even now, he’s engaged, still carrying resentment, and when he tries to vent, OP shuts him down with texts that land like a slap.

And that’s how a simple “stop bringing this up” message turns into a full-on family blowup.

OP asks:

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OP and his ex-wife Natalie had been married for years, raising two children, Michael and Lily. While they lost romantic feelings for each other, they continued their marriage as a friendship, primarily for the sake of their children.

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Once their son Michael left for college, OP and Natalie made the decision to officially divorce.

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OP says he and Natalie kept things civil for Michael and Lily, but the moment the divorce became official, Michael’s anger didn’t magically disappear.

The father's call for his son to simply 'get over' a divorce that transpired nine years ago underscores a common misstep in understanding grief and its lingering effects. Grief is not a straightforward path; it can resurface unpredictably, making the healing process unique for each individual. This situation illustrates the father's potential struggle to grasp the depth of his son's emotional journey. Rather than expressing frustration, a more compassionate approach could foster a healthier dialogue. Recognizing the complexity of emotions involved in such a significant life event might allow for a more supportive relationship between them, encouraging the son to share his feelings without fear of judgment.

However, the situation took a complicated turn when Michael, now 28 and engaged, continued to harbor resentment over the divorce.

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OP told his son to get over it.

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He received angry texts from his son.

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When Michael texts back that he’s still hurt, OP’s response is just “get over it,” which is wild considering he’s already an adult with a whole life.

Recognizing this ambiguous loss can help both the father and son navigate their emotions more effectively, leading to healthier conversations about the past.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole:

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"If your son wants to vent, he needs to go to a therapist."

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"He thinks they should stay together to keep him happy."

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OP tries to shut down the venting by telling him to take it elsewhere, but Michael’s problem is exactly that he doesn’t feel heard by his own father.

It also reminds us of the dad asking if his ex-wife should pay more for their daughter’s braces.

Emotional validation is a crucial aspect of healthy relationships, especially during times of distress.

For the father, offering emotional support rather than dismissal could significantly improve their relationship and encourage the son to open up about his feelings.

Venting at such an event is simply not appropriate.

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He was already an adult when they divorced...nine years ago. Nine years.

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He has some growing up to do...

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Once the angry texts start flying, the real fight is no longer about nine years ago, it’s about what OP thinks emotions are allowed to last.

Encouraging open dialogues about feelings and experiences can create a safe space for healing.

NTA it is.

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The bottom line is - OP and his ex do not need to stay together to please an adult child.

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On one side, OP thinks he and Natalie did what was best for their family and tried their hardest to lessen the hurt.

But on the other side, Michael's sense of betrayal and pain is still strong and bothers him a lot. The story shows how family choices can leave marks that last, even if everyone means well.

Just because OP and Natalie have moved on doesn't mean Michael's pain has gone away. It's a reminder that talking openly and caring about each other's feelings in a family is really important because not everything gets better with time.

The emotional aftermath of a divorce, as illustrated in the father's story, underscores the complexity of grief that can linger long after the event itself. The father's insistence that his adult son should move on from a divorce that occurred nine years ago reflects a common misunderstanding of how grief impacts relationships. The need for emotional support and open communication is evident as the family grapples with the son’s prolonged struggle. Recognizing that grief is not bound by a specific timeline can foster compassion among family members, enabling them to navigate their challenges together more effectively.

Now OP is wondering if he really picked the wrong moment to demand closure.

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