Insecure Guy Tells His Executive Girlfriend To Quit Her Job So They Can Start A Family, Gets Offended When She Asks Him To Be The Stay-At-Home Parent Instead

A Redditor was drawn to his girlfriend because of her unwavering work ethic. He had exes who financially relied on him but found it draining.

He realized his $70k annual income wasn't enough for two people to live off of. OP's current girlfriend was a cloud engineer who was promoted to product manager.

She was happy with her job and the salary bump she received. She worked 55 hours a week but carved out time to spend with OP.

They moved in together after a year. OP's girlfriend also got hired by a smaller tech company to be their vice president of infrastructure.

She now makes more than $300k, and her responsibilities have increased exponentially. She warned OP that she would be working longer hours from then on.

OP didn't anticipate how much this would affect their quality time. His girlfriend works 60-70 hours per week and goes on business trips twice a month.

They used to be together nearly every day, which OP loved. Now, he's lucky if she can fit him into her jam-packed calendar.

They also left their old apartment for a nicer one. OP said he would rather have their old apartment instead of the fancy $4000 per month place.

They used to talk about having children together, but OP thinks that is no longer feasible because of his girlfriend's schedule. He decided it was time to talk to her.

OP told his girlfriend to find a less intensive job before they get married

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He said it would be impossible for her to look after their kids with her current job

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She suggested that he be a stay-at-home husband. It made sense because she could support them solely on her salary. OP was shocked that his girlfriend even suggested this.

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Understanding Gender Roles and Family Dynamics

Gender roles significantly influence family dynamics, particularly when it comes to career choices and parenting responsibilities. According to Dr. Esther Perel, a renowned couples therapist, "The traditional expectations of men as providers and women as caregivers can create significant tension in relationships, especially when those roles are challenged." This can create conflict in relationships where these expectations clash, as seen in this scenario where the husband feels threatened by his girlfriend's success and independence.

Insecurity and Its Impact on Relationships

The dynamics at play in this situation are symptomatic of deeper insecurities that can often surface in intimate relationships. According to research from UCLA, feelings of inadequacy can lead individuals to impose restrictions on their partners in an attempt to regain a sense of control.

Such behaviors often stem from unresolved self-esteem issues and fear of abandonment, which can create a toxic environment for both partners.

She proposed that they could hire nannies. That way, they could both keep their jobs. OP believes children should be raised by their parents, not nannies.

OP got mad and repeated his initial demand. He accused his girlfriend of being career-obsessed and called her a workaholic, which escalated their argument.

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OP doesn't want his girlfriend to have a job because he wants to be the big man of the house

Careless_League_9494

The fact that she is a successful career woman doesn't fit into his "barefoot and pregnant" fantasy

Careless_League_9494

The concept of 'role strain' is relevant here, which refers to the stress individuals feel when they are unable to meet the expectations associated with their social roles. According to studies in the American Journal of Sociology, this strain can lead to conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships, particularly when partners have different views on gender roles.

In this case, the husband's discomfort with his girlfriend's successful career suggests a struggle with his own identity and expectations, potentially leading to feelings of inadequacy.

When one partner requests the other to quit their job for family reasons, it can signal an underlying fear of not being enough. Research indicates that this can lead to resentment and frustration, particularly if the request is perceived as controlling rather than supportive.

It's essential for partners to recognize these patterns to foster healthier communication and understanding.

"I don't want to be stuck at home all day raising kids." Isn't that what you are demanding from your girlfriend?

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There is no way OP would agree to quit his job to take care of his kids if the situation were reversed

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If he was so offended when she suggested he be the stay-at-home parent, what kind of reaction did he expect from his girlfriend?

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The Importance of Identity and Self-Worth

Self-worth is often tied to our roles in relationships and society. A developmental psychologist notes that when individuals base their self-esteem on traditional gender roles, they may struggle to accept their partner's success, leading to feelings of jealousy or resentment.

This dynamic can be particularly damaging, as it fosters unhealthy competition rather than collaboration in the relationship.

The Role of Financial Dynamics

Financial disparities in relationships can exacerbate feelings of insecurity. Research from the Journal of Economic Psychology emphasizes that differing income levels can lead to power imbalances, where the higher-earning partner may unconsciously exert more influence over decisions.

This dynamic can create tension and resentment, particularly if one partner feels undervalued or restricted in their professional choices.

OP clearly wants a girlfriend who makes her own money, but not so much that she outearns him by a few hundred thousand dollars

frocodile191

He can't persevere to match her level, so he's trying to drag her down to his

GottaKnowYourCKN

OP shouldn't be a parent

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To navigate these complex dynamics, couples need to engage in open dialogues about their expectations and desires. Research shows that discussing interests and concerns without judgment fosters a sense of partnership and mutual respect.

Using tools such as relationship counseling can also provide a neutral space for partners to explore these issues and develop strategies for supporting each other's ambitions.

To address these issues, couples should engage in open discussions about financial contributions and the division of labor in the household. Establishing mutual goals and recognizing each other’s contributions can foster a sense of partnership rather than competition.

Additionally, exploring flexible roles within the family can help both partners feel valued and supported in their choices.

He also shouldn't be with his girlfriend or any woman, as a matter of fact

Few-School-3869

His ridiculous belief that he had any right to demand this from his girlfriend is laughable. He thought he could dictate what she wanted out of her career.

He is one of those people who chase after successful women to prove to themselves that they can. Once OP dug his claws into his girlfriend, he tried to knock her down a peg to reaffirm his superiority as a man — good thing it didn't work.

The Challenge of Traditional Roles

This case also illustrates the challenge of navigating traditional gender roles within modern relationships. A study from the American Psychological Association highlights how societal expectations can lead to conflict when one partner's aspirations clash with traditional norms.

When couples do not openly communicate about their values and expectations, it can lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

Couples can benefit from engaging in workshops or counseling that focus on redefining roles and expectations. Learning to communicate openly about desires and aspirations can empower both partners and promote a healthier dynamic.

Moreover, creating a shared vision for the future can help couples navigate these challenges with greater ease and understanding.

Psychological Analysis

This situation illustrates how deeply rooted insecurities can manifest in controlling behaviors, particularly when it comes to sensitive topics like career choices and family planning. The request for one partner to quit her job reveals underlying fears about stability and identity.

Addressing these insecurities openly can foster healthier communication and ultimately strengthen the relationship.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, this situation highlights the importance of addressing insecurities and power dynamics in relationships. By fostering open communication and understanding, couples can navigate challenges more effectively and build a stronger partnership.

Recognizing each partner's contributions and aspirations is vital for creating a balanced and supportive environment.

The Role of Emotional Support in Relationships

Emotional support is vital in sustaining healthy relationships, especially when one partner's career choices challenge traditional norms. Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneer in couples therapy, states, "Emotional validation is essential for fostering connection and mitigating feelings of inadequacy." You can find more insights on her work at iceeft.com. By encouraging each other to pursue their passions without judgment, couples can foster resilience and a shared sense of purpose within their partnership. As Dr. Susan David, an expert in emotional agility, notes, "When partners support each other's aspirations, they create a foundation of trust and intimacy," which can be explored further on her website susandavid.com.

Psychological Analysis

This situation exemplifies how traditional gender roles can lead to conflict in relationships. It's crucial for partners to engage in open discussions about their feelings and expectations to foster a supportive environment.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

Ultimately, navigating the complexities of gender roles in relationships requires open communication and mutual support. As Dr. Michele Weiner-Davis, a renowned marriage therapist, states, "When partners openly discuss their roles and expectations, it fosters a healthier and more fulfilling relationship." For more insights on this topic, visit her professional website at divorcebusting.com. Challenging societal norms can lead to stronger partnerships, as noted by Dr. Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist who emphasizes that "breaking free from traditional gender roles allows couples to create a relationship that truly reflects their values and desires." You can explore her work at pepperschwartz.com.