Golden Child Of The Family Gets Blamed And Hated By Sister, Declines Being Her Maid-Of-Honor

Many parents are quick to say they don't have a favorite child, but some children—as well as adult siblings—may have other opinions. Indeed, there has been a growing worry about the impact—real or perceived—that parental favoritism can have on children.

Furthermore, it appears that the presence of a favored child exacerbates sibling conflict. Parents might also be shocked to hear that, in this instance, perception seems to matter more than reality.

Put another way, it makes less of a difference if Mom or Dad genuinely have a favorite. In fact, what matters is whether a child believes they do.

The OP of today's story had pretty terrible parents. OP was their favorite child, or golden child, and they treated her older sister poorly.

This always upset the OP, and she loved her sister, so she consistently tried to get their parents to treat her better. All of OP's efforts to talk to her parents didn't yield any results, as they never changed, and it drove the sisters apart.

It got to the point where OP's sister told her that her life would have been better if she had never existed. It hurt the OP to have her sister blame her like that and to hate her for trying as hard as she did.

Now, OP's sister is getting married and has never had her, but all of a sudden, she wants OP to be her maid of honor.

Let's kick off with the headline...

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OP told her sister that she loved her every day and really tried to back her up

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The Psychology of Family Dynamics

Family roles, such as the 'golden child,' can create significant pressure and emotional conflict, as discussed in research from the Journal of Family Psychology. The dynamics established in childhood often persist into adulthood, influencing relationships and individual identity.

This can lead to resentment among siblings, particularly if one feels overshadowed or unfairly treated. The sister's feelings of blame towards her sibling may stem from deeper issues of perceived favoritism and inadequacy.

She also mentioned the OP trying to get Mom and Dad to include her

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OP still loves her sister, but she doesn't see them ever being close again

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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the AH:

I turned my sister down when she asked me to be her maid of honor. The decision to say no comes from a lot of stuff, but I also know that it was hard for her to ask me after everything, and I might have let the past get in the way of a fresh start or of healing things somewhat.

She walked away and did not contact the OP for 5 days

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And the comments roll in...

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According to developmental psychologists, the 'golden child syndrome' can create an unhealthy cycle of expectations and emotional burden. Studies show that individuals labeled as such often struggle with anxiety and perfectionism, feeling the need to constantly meet the high standards set by their families.

In this case, the sister's reluctance to serve as a maid of honor may reflect her desire to establish boundaries and assert her own identity, separate from her family's expectations.

The OP was right

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Avoiding a situation

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The Impact of Sibling Relationships

Research indicates that sibling relationships significantly affect emotional development and socialization. A study by the University of California suggests that unresolved conflicts between siblings can lead to long-term emotional distress and a lack of trust.

In this situation, it might be helpful for both sisters to engage in conversations that foster understanding and empathy, addressing their feelings and experiences openly.

A lose-lose situation

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She needs to grow up

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The OP left this detail in the comments

I don't think she expects our parents to grovel. She just wants their love. I don't really think she knows what she truly wants from me, other than for me to have not been the golden child and put before her so many times when we were growing up.

Doing her a favor

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The OP did nothing wrong

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To improve their relationship, therapeutic interventions focused on communication skills can be beneficial. Evidence from the American Journal of Family Therapy suggests that using 'I' statements to express feelings can help reduce defensiveness and promote understanding between siblings.

Encouraging the sister to articulate her feelings without blame may facilitate a more constructive dialogue and pave the way for healing.

OP's being used

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Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the emotional challenges that can arise in sibling dynamics, particularly when familial roles become entrenched. It's essential for both parties to explore their feelings and communicate openly to foster mutual understanding and healing.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

The complex dynamics of family relationships often require intentional efforts to address underlying issues. Research consistently shows that open communication and setting boundaries are essential for fostering healthier interactions among family members.

Ultimately, both sisters can benefit from recognizing their individual needs and working towards a more supportive and understanding relationship.

OP's relationship with her sister won't magically improve just because she's the maid of honor. Redditors say her sister will continue to put her in situations where she has little chance of winning, all under the pretense of giving her another chance to come close to her.

What OP's sister needs is counseling in order to process her upbringing and someone to assist her in understanding that her anger is misdirected.

Practical Strategies for Healing Family Rifts

Establishing regular family meetings can enhance communication and promote emotional transparency. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy indicates that family members who engage in structured discussions about feelings and expectations tend to resolve conflicts more effectively.

Additionally, involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist, can provide a safe space for both sisters to express their feelings and work towards reconciliation.