Grandma Who Spent 13 Years Overseas And Makes No Effort With Her Grandkids, Complains About Their Distant Relationship

A mom of two wished her mom had a closer relationship with her kids. Her mom hoped for the same, but her actions and choices complicated the relationship.

OP's mom decided to live away from them for the past 13 years. She moved overseas with little notice and chose a state across the country when she moved back home.

OP was resentful because her mom could have chosen a neighboring state if she wanted to live closer to them. She has only seen OP's children a handful of times.

The one time she agreed to babysit the kids, it nearly resulted in a disaster. OP took a shower and left her mom with the kids in the living room.

After her shower, OP found her kids alone in the living room with the front door wide open. She found her mom in the guest room playing solitaire on her iPad.

She told OP she needed a break and turned her hearing aid off. That was the last time OP allowed her mother to "help" with the kids.

Even when her mom was in their state, she didn't stop by the house. She also couldn't be counted on to remember her grandkids' birthdays.

The widening gap in their relationship stood out during a relative's wedding. OP booked an Airbnb but rarely spent time with her mom despite sharing one house.

OP's mom didn't even sit with OP and her kids at the wedding and reception.

momtodaughters

They had open seating, but her mom deliberately sat elsewhere.

momtodaughters

Understanding Family Relationships

Family relationships can often be complex, especially when individuals have different expectations of connection.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in family dynamics, emphasizes the importance of emotional availability and engagement in fostering healthy relationships.

This situation highlights how prolonged absence can create emotional distance, leading to feelings of alienation among family members.

So, OP couldn't understand why her mom still complains about her distant relationship with her grandkids when her actions showed it was the kind of relationship she wanted.

momtodaughters

OP thinks her mom realized how much of her grandkids' milestones she missed when she saw them at the wedding.

Reddit user, momtodaughters

Research indicates that maintaining emotional connections with family can significantly impact individual well-being. A study published in the American Journal of Family Therapy shows that emotional disconnection can lead to feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction.

Understanding these dynamics can help family members navigate their relationships more effectively.

OP wished her mom would put in more effort to build a bond with her kids. She would settle for her visiting the kids at least twice a year.

ariesgal2, momtodaughters

If visiting proves too much, video calls with the kids are the simplest solution. OP's kids have smart devices if their grandma wants to contact them.

astrotrain83, momtodaughters

The Importance of Engagement in Family Life

Active engagement in family life is crucial for maintaining strong bonds. Regular communication and involvement in each other's lives can foster a sense of belonging.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a renowned psychologist, emphasizes that emotional engagement leads to healthier relationships and greater satisfaction.

Encouraging family members to take an active interest in one another's lives can help bridge emotional gaps.

Relationships, like plants, need time and effort to bloom. OP's mom can't force that bond if she isn't willing to put in the work.

French_Toasty_Ghosty

At least OP's kids have their paternal grandparents to fill in the void OP's mom left behind.

momtodaughters

Moreover, addressing the barriers to engagement, such as feelings of inadequacy or fear of rejection, is essential for fostering connection.

Research suggests that addressing these fears can lead to more open communication and, ultimately, deeper family ties.

OP can only do so much to encourage the relationship, but her mom needs to show up for the children if she wants to be close to them.

Melabeille

OP's reply shed light on why she understandably limited her mom's contact with her children these last few years.

momtodaughters

Redditors encouraged OP to be honest with her mom if she is growing tired of listening to her constant complaints about her grandkids. What will her mom do — not call them?

OP's mom had unfair expectations about her grandkids. She should be old enough to know that she can't magically be involved in her grandchildren's lives without showing up for them.

However, if OP isn't willing to rock the boat, she has to tolerate her mom's complaints for a while.

Icy_Department_1423

Truthfully, OP has done all she could to help her mom connect with her kids. It's up to her mom now to do the work.

readerdl22

If her mom is all words and no actions, then the relationship will remain as dormant as it is.

ICWhatsNUrP

Kids form a bond with people who show up for them. If she can't even remember their birthdays, then she's not doing enough.

Waterslide33

Interesting. Is OP's mom interested in having a close relationship with her grandkids, or does she want reassurance that her infrequent presence is enough to make her Grandma of the Year?

greenermold

Psychological Analysis

This situation reflects how emotional distance can develop in family relationships when individuals don't actively engage with each other.

Recognizing and addressing these dynamics is essential for rebuilding connections and fostering emotional closeness.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, nurturing family relationships requires ongoing engagement and emotional investment.

By understanding the impact of absence and actively working to re-establish connections, families can foster healthier relationships that enhance overall well-being.