Wife Caught Between Hosting A 20-Person New Year Gathering To Appease Her In-Laws Or “Selfishly” Choosing Her Peace Of Mind
Hosting once felt generous until it started feeling like a duty.
Hosting Christmas twice for a group of five already took serious planning, energy, and patience for the OP (Original Poster) of this story. The meals went well, the house looked great, and everyone seemed happy. It felt like a job done right, with no expectation of an encore.
However, through OP’s husband, her mother-in-law floated a new request. Would they be willing to host the Chinese New Year for the extended family?
This was not five people like the last time, but closer to twenty, including kids and pets. The timing mattered, the guest list mattered, and the cultural weight behind the holiday mattered even more.
On paper, it sounds flattering. Her home impressed everyone at Christmas. It felt comfortable, welcoming, and good enough that guests disappeared for naps after dinner.
That praise now seemed to carry an unspoken follow-up. Since others had hosted before and her husband is the eldest son, this might be his turn, and maybe not just once.
The problem isn’t confidence. She knows she could pull it off. The problem is everything else. Aggressive dogs around children, guests who may ignore house rules, liability concerns, and the sheer workload of decorating, cleaning, and cooking for a major holiday.
Above all, there was the fact that this wasn’t her idea and didn’t fit her timeline.
Saying yes risks stress, safety issues, and setting a precedent. Saying no risks, disappointing her husband’s family, and being labeled the obstacle.
Even her mother-in-law tried to soften the blow by asking through her husband, knowing exactly where the resistance would land.
Now OP is stuck weighing cultural expectations against personal boundaries. She is wondering if agreeing once would ever truly stay one time.
Read through the screenshots below to see how it all unfolded.
A bit of backstory
Reddit.comOP has a lot of concerns about hosting her husband’s large family for Chinese New Year celebration
Reddit.comOP is also worried that this may not be the last time her husband’s family ask them to host, especially since everyone loves their new home
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OP is contemplating saying no, but is worried about appearing selfish to everyone
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We gathered some interesting comments from the Reddit community
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“I don't think there are any assholes here (except for whomever made the "no toenail clipping" rule necessary).”
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“NTA. It's time for your house to develop some kind of unidentified plumbing problem.”
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“If you do it once, you are not obligated to do it again, like take a vacation next year on those dates.”
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“Go out to a restaurant (which would actively cater for these events) and have a post-meal drink at your home.”
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“If you do host come up with a strategy and also just because you host this does not mean you have to host in the future.”
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“If you’re not comfortable with it, maybe tour the house and then have the eating happen outside at a restaurant?”
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“NAH but get her the answer early so someone else can plan it.”
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The Reddit community is fully on OP’s side. The overwhelming majority agree that hosting that many people is a stressful undertaking, and she shouldn’t go ahead if it makes her uncomfortable.
One Redditor in particular advised OP to give everyone a tour of the house, then make reservations at a restaurant where they’ll all have dinner.
Regardless of what OP decides on, we do hope all members of the family can be empathetic enough to fall in line.
What would you have done in her place? Share your thoughts in the comments.
