Redditor Asks If It's Wrong to Refuse to Help Their Mother Who Chose the 'SKI' Lifestyle Years Ago and Spent All the Money Traveling

Parents play the most important role in a child's life. They provide emotional and physical care from infancy to adulthood.

They offer love, protection, and a sense of belonging, teaching their children to distinguish between good and bad, among other lessons. A parent's influence shapes a child's character, worldview, and future decisions.

However, if parents miss all those moments with their child, it is questionable whether the child could ever forgive them. In this story, a Reddit user forgave their mother for all the missed moments and wanted to create new ones, but it didn't go as planned.

Now, the OP faces a dilemma regarding what to do in their situation. The OP explained that their parents divorced when they were three.

At eight, the OP moved in with their father and stayed until they married at 27. The OP and their wife wanted to buy a large property to build a main house and additional homes for their in-laws.

However, they didn't have enough funds for the additional houses, so they proposed to both parents to financially contribute to building homes for them. The OP's mother declined, suspecting a monetary motive, while the father agreed.

The initial plan included space for the OP's anticipated children, but sadly, their son passed away, leaving unoccupied rooms. After they bought the houses, the OP threw a retirement party for their mother in the new home.

During a discussion about her retirement plans, she expressed disinterest in leaving an inheritance for her children. The OP warned her about future care costs, but she insisted she would take care of herself.

Years later, at 83, the OP's mother's financial situation worsened, and her husband developed dementia. She approached the OP for help, but remembering her earlier comments, the OP refused.

The OP's brother criticized them for this decision, and now the OP seeks opinions on whether their reaction was appropriate or not.

The OP's Dilemma:

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The OP Explained They Lived with Their Dad Until They Got Married:

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They and Their Wife Wanted to Buy the Property and Build a Main House and Extra Houses for Their Parents, So They Asked Their Parents to Participate Financially in Their Houses:

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The 'SKI' Lifestyle and Familial Relationships

The concept of 'SKI' - Spend Kids' Inheritance - raises important questions about familial obligations and financial ethics. This lifestyle choice can lead to feelings of resentment or disappointment among family members who may feel neglected or abandoned. Research in family dynamics suggests that financial decisions can significantly impact relationships, often leading to conflicts when expectations are misaligned.

In this case, the individual grappling with their mother's choices may experience emotional turmoil stemming from a sense of betrayal regarding their future security.

Their Mother Declined Immediately, but the Father Liked the Idea:

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The OP Explained They Have Three Extra Bedrooms:

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But While Celebrating Their Mother's Retirement, She Made It Clear That She Has Other Priorities in Her Life Than Leaving Her Kids a Legacy:

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Addressing these feelings requires open communication about financial decisions and family expectations. Engaging in honest discussions can help clarify intentions and alleviate misunderstandings. Studies show that families that practice transparent communication about finances tend to experience healthier relationships and reduced conflict.

Encouraging family members to express their feelings openly can foster a more supportive atmosphere, allowing for healing and understanding.

At 83, the OP's Mother Faced Financial Difficulties and Asked the OP for Help, but They Refused:

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The OP Was Fine with Their Decision, but Their Brother's Comment Made Them Wonder Whether They Were Wrong:

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Brother Can Take Her

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The Interplay of Guilt and Obligation

The guilt associated with refusing to help a parent who has chosen a self-indulgent lifestyle can be a heavy burden. Research in moral psychology indicates that feelings of obligation often conflict with personal values, leading to emotional distress. In this case, the individual may feel torn between their love for their mother and their desire to establish healthy boundaries.

Understanding this internal conflict can help individuals navigate their feelings and make choices that align with their values.

"Spend Kids' Inheritance"

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She Passed Up Multiple Chances to Provide for Herself in the Future

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If They Feel Guilty, They Could Give Her Some Money

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"Your Mother Is a Grown Woman"

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"She Made Choices, and Now She Has to Live with Them"

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While it's unfortunate what happened to their mother, it's what she wanted. The OP warned her years ago that she could end up in this situation if she didn't save some money for her future, but she was confident that she would take care of herself.

So, Redditors agreed with the OP and told them to give her some money if they felt guilty.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the emotional complexities surrounding familial financial decisions. It's common for individuals to struggle with feelings of obligation and guilt when navigating relationships with parents. Engaging in open discussions about expectations can help alleviate these emotional burdens and promote healthier family dynamics.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In summary, navigating familial relationships amidst financial decisions can be complex and emotionally charged. Open communication, coupled with an understanding of personal values, can facilitate healthier dynamics and mitigate feelings of guilt or resentment. Ultimately, fostering a supportive environment can help families navigate these challenging conversations more effectively.