Is Insisting on Both Attending Prenatal Classes Selfish or Necessary?

A 30-year-old woman is pregnant with her first child, and she thought prenatal classes would be the easy part. Spoiler, they were not. What should’ve been a shared prep step turned into a weekly power struggle over who gets to show up, and how much “together” really matters.

She works a standard 9-5, so the class schedule is predictable. Her partner, 33, works irregular medical shifts, and emergencies keep wiping out their attendance. Every missed session chips away at her confidence that they are “on the same page,” so she pushed back hard and insisted they prioritize going together. He counters that he already knows the essentials, missing a few classes is no big deal, and she’s being unreasonable for demanding schedule changes.

Now the couple is stuck in a tense standoff: togetherness versus work, and her fear that “some classes alone” is not the compromise she thinks it is.

Original Post

I (30F) am currently expecting my first child with my partner (33M). We recently signed up for prenatal classes to prepare for the birth.

The issue is my partner's work schedule, which often causes conflicts with the class timings. For context, I work a standard 9-5 job, while my partner has irregular hours due to their job in the medical field.

Despite the clashes, I feel attending these classes together is crucial for our preparation and bonding as new parents. The problem arose when my partner started missing classes frequently, citing work emergencies.

I expressed my disappointment and insisted that they prioritize these sessions as much as possible. I stressed the importance of being on the same page about childbirth and parenting.

My partner argued that they already have a good grasp of the essentials and that missing a few classes won't matter. They mentioned feeling pressured to rearrange their work commitments and implied that I was being unreasonable.

I can't help but feel hurt and frustrated by their lack of commitment to our shared goal. They proposed attending some classes alone or with a friend if unable to make it together.

I adamantly opposed this idea, emphasizing that these sessions are for us as a couple. Things have been tense between us, with both of us feeling adamant about our viewpoints.

I want to ensure we start this new chapter united and well-prepared, but my partner's work schedule seems to be a constant obstacle. So AITA?

The Weight of Expectations

This article dives into a classic dilemma many couples face during pregnancy: balancing personal commitments with shared experiences.

She’s trying to make the classes a bonding ritual, but the partner’s work emergencies keep turning that bonding into a no-show.</p>

Comment from u/PizzaLover92

NTA, your partner should make an effort to prioritize these classes as they are crucial for both of you as parents

Comment from u/CoffeeBean17

Understanding each other's perspectives is crucial, but attending together could strengthen your bond

When she insists they rearrange their priorities so they can attend together, he hears pressure instead of teamwork.</p>

Comment from u/DoggoMom123

YTA, your partner's job is demanding, and compromising on attending some classes solo or with a friend could be a practical solution. It's essential to find a middle ground

It also echoes the OP who wanted her partner in prenatal classes, but he refused and said “online info”.

Comment from u/BeachRunner55

Your dedication to being present for all classes is commendable, but consider the strain on your partner. It's about finding a balance that works for both

His suggestion to attend some classes alone, or with a friend, lands like a rejection of the “shared goal” she keeps talking about.</p>

Comment from u/AdventureSeeker21

As a parent, being on the same page is vital. However, consider the challenges your partner faces with work commitments. Finding a compromise is key here

What would you do in this situation? Share your opinion in the comments.

With both of them digging in after every missed class, the prenatal schedule starts looking less like preparation and more like a relationship test.</p>

Caught in the Crossfire

The comments section of this Reddit thread reveals a divide among readers. Some sympathize with the mother's need for shared experiences, while others argue that her partner's career demands must be respected. This tension mirrors real-life conflicts where personal desires often clash with practical realities. The mother isn't simply being demanding; she's trying to ensure a united front in their parenting journey, which is often easier said than done.

Moreover, it raises questions about how couples can effectively communicate their needs without pushing each other away. The moral gray area here—where one person's insistence on involvement can feel like pressure to another—makes this a relatable and complex issue that sparks heated discussions. How do we navigate our expectations without losing sight of our partner's reality?

The Takeaway

This story serves as a reminder of the nuanced challenges that come with couple dynamics, particularly during major life changes like becoming parents. It’s not just about the classes themselves, but about how couples can support each other through overwhelming circumstances. Readers are left pondering: how can partners find common ground when their priorities clash, and what compromises are worth making for the sake of connection?

In this situation, the expecting mother’s insistence on attending prenatal classes together stems from a deep desire for connection and shared preparation as they enter parenthood. Her partner, however, faces the reality of a demanding medical career that often takes precedence, leading to feelings of frustration and pressure. This clash underscores a common struggle for couples—how to balance personal commitments with the desire for unity, especially during such a transformative time in their lives. Ultimately, both parties are navigating their own pressures, making effective communication and compromise essential to finding a way forward.

If he keeps treating prenatal classes like optional extras, she’s going to start wondering what “us” even means.</final>

Still unsure if you should push your partner to attend every prenatal class, see what happened in this AITA about insisting her partner attend despite schedule conflicts.