Is It Wrong to Confront My Friend for Secretly Dating My Ex?

A 28-year-old woman is dealing with the kind of betrayal that doesn’t just sting, it echoes. She thought her friendship with Sarah was solid, the kind where you vent, cry, and trust someone with the messy parts of your breakup.

Then she spots Sarah in a couple-style photo with her ex, Alex, from college. When she confronts Sarah, it turns out they’ve been secretly dating for months, and Sarah says she kept it quiet because she didn’t want to upset her. Now OP is stuck wondering if the relationship started before her and Alex officially ended, while feeling blindsided by two people she trusted.

And the real question is whether confronting them will bring clarity, or just blow up the last bit of her peace.

Original Post

I (28F) recently found out that my friend, let's call her Sarah, has been secretly dating my ex-boyfriend from college, Alex. Sarah and I have been close for years, and I trusted her with everything.

After Alex and I broke up, Sarah was supportive and listened to me vent about the breakup. I thought everything was fine until I saw a picture of them together on social media, looking very much like a couple.

I was shocked and hurt that Sarah would hide this from me. When I asked her about it, she admitted they've been dating for a few months but didn't want to upset me.

I feel betrayed and blindsided by both of them. I can't help but wonder if their relationship started before Alex and I officially ended things.

I'm torn between confronting Sarah and Alex about the situation or just distancing myself from both. It hurts to think that they were dating behind my back, especially considering how much I confided in Sarah after the breakup.

So, WIBTA for addressing this with them or should I just cut them off?

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Similar to the AITA debate in dating your friend’s ex after an amicable breakup, where the “should I even try?” question sparks fallout.

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OP’s hurt really spikes when she realizes Sarah wasn’t just “moving on,” she was posting couple vibes with Alex while she was still listening to OP vent.

The moment Sarah admits they’ve been dating for a few months, OP has to decide whether this was timing luck or something that started behind her back.

Even the fact that OP confided in Sarah after the breakup makes the secrecy feel extra personal, not just awkward or inconvenient.

So when OP debates whether to confront Sarah and Alex or distance herself, it’s basically a choice between a messy conversation and a clean break.

We're curious to hear your perspective. Share your thoughts in the comments.

OP might be better off confronting the truth once, then walking away from whoever kept it from her.

Before you confront Sarah, see why one poster felt uncomfortable supporting her friend’s Alex.