Is It Wrong to Date My Friends Ex? AITA for Falling for My Close Friends Crush?

Sarah and Mark were supposed to be “fine,” until they weren’t. One day, Sarah’s long-term relationship ended, and suddenly the friend group had a new emotional earthquake on its hands.

OP, 27F, has been best friends with Sarah for over a decade, and she’s been secretly into Mark for years. Sarah knows that, Mark knows it too, and after the breakup he slid into OP’s DMs confessing feelings, which makes everything way messier than a normal rebound. The complication? Sarah hasn’t said anything about how she feels, and OP is stuck between doing what her heart wants and protecting the friendship she’s had for ten years.

Now the real question is whether OP’s “maybe” turns into a betrayal the second she takes Mark seriously.

Original Post

I (27F) have been friends with my close friend Sarah (26F) for over 10 years. Recently, Sarah broke up with her long-term boyfriend, Mark (28M), who I've always had a crush on.

Sarah knows about my feelings for Mark. After the breakup, Mark reached out to me and confessed he had feelings for me too.

We've been talking a lot and realize we have a strong connection. Sarah hasn't said anything about her feelings post-breakup.

I'm torn between pursuing something with Mark and potentially hurting Sarah or suppressing my feelings for the sake of our friendship. I know Sarah may be hurt, but I can't deny my feelings for Mark.

What should I do? So AITA?

Complicated Loyalties

This situation highlights the complexity of loyalty in friendships. The OP is torn between her feelings for Mark and her friendship with Sarah, who’s still reeling from the breakup. It’s one thing to have a crush on your friend’s ex; it’s another to act on those feelings when your friend is vulnerable. Sarah’s emotional state complicates matters further, making it hard to separate romantic interests from the responsibility of being a good friend.

When Mark reaches out to the OP, it adds another layer of tension. He’s not just a former boyfriend; he’s a shared connection that could deepen the rift between the friends. The community’s mixed reactions reflect how personal experiences shape our views on such dilemmas—some readers empathize with the OP’s feelings, while others feel she should prioritize her friend’s well-being over her desires.

Mark’s confession after Sarah’s breakup is the moment OP’s crush stops being hypothetical and starts feeling dangerous for their friendship.

Comment from u/coffee_addict88

YTA. Friends should always come before crushes. Just because Sarah broke up with Mark doesn't mean you should swoop in immediately. Give her time to heal before pursuing anything with him.

Comment from u/pizzalover73

NTA. You can't control who you have feelings for. People break up for a reason, and if Mark and Sarah are done, you should be free to explore a potential relationship with him.

Comment from u/TheGamingQueen

NAH. It's a tough situation, but feelings are complicated. Talk to Sarah openly and honestly about your feelings for Mark before making any decisions. Communication is key.

Comment from u/flowerchild_2000

YTA. Going after your friend's ex, especially one you know she cares about, could damage your friendship irreparably. Think about the long-term consequences before diving into a relationship with Mark.

Because Sarah already knows OP likes Mark, there’s no clean reset, it’s just awkward tension waiting to either explode or fade.

Comment from u/rainbowdreamer

ESH. Sarah should have communicated her feelings about the breakup if she's not okay with you pursuing Mark. However, if you value your friendship, you should prioritize Sarah's feelings over your crush.

This is the same kind of mess as dating your best friend's ex and hiding it while the friendship implodes.

Comment from u/writinginthesky

NTA. You and Mark both deserve to explore your connection, but tread carefully with Sarah's feelings. Have an open conversation with her and be prepared for any reaction she might have.

Comment from u/the_avid_reader

YTA. No matter how strong your feelings are, respecting your friend's emotional well-being is crucial. Proceeding with Mark without Sarah's blessing might strain your friendship beyond repair.

The comments split hard, with u/coffee_addict88 calling OP the villain for “swooping in,” while u/pizzalover73 insists feelings are feelings once the relationship is over.

Comment from u/AdventureAwaitz

NAH. It's a tricky situation, but honesty and open communication with Sarah are key. Consider her feelings and be prepared for any outcome, whether that means pursuing things with Mark or not.

Comment from u/StarGazer_777

NTA. You can't help who you have feelings for. Just make sure to have a candid conversation with Sarah about your intentions and let her know you value her friendship regardless of what happens with Mark.

Comment from u/JustAPerson37

YTA. It's important to prioritize the feelings of your friend, especially in delicate situations like this. Proceeding with Mark without considering Sarah's emotions could lead to significant fallout.

Even u/TheGamingQueen just drops a “N,” which basically sums up the vibe of people who think OP is choosing romance over loyalty at the worst possible time.

Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

This story resonates with readers because it taps into a universal truth about love and friendship: they don’t always coexist peacefully. The OP’s struggle is relatable; we’ve all faced moments where our hearts and loyalties are at odds. It’s fascinating to see how some commenters argue that love should take precedence, while others firmly believe in the importance of respecting the emotional fallout of a recent breakup.

The moral grey area here is stark. Should the OP suppress her feelings for the sake of friendship, or is it acceptable to pursue happiness despite the potential fallout? This kind of emotional calculus is something many have wrestled with, leading to a lively discussion about what it truly means to be a good friend versus following one’s heart.

This story serves as a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between love and friendship. The OP’s dilemma is a classic example of how romantic feelings can complicate even the closest relationships. Readers are left to ponder: when it comes to matters of the heart, should personal happiness ever take precedence over loyalty? What would you do in this situation?

The situation unfolds a classic emotional tug-of-war where the OP must choose between her longstanding friendship with Sarah and her newly ignited feelings for Mark. With Sarah still processing her breakup, the OP's desire to pursue Mark raises significant questions about loyalty and emotional boundaries. This dilemma is intensified by the fact that both women have shared history, making the potential fallout even more complicated. As readers weigh in, it’s evident that this scenario resonates deeply because it encapsulates the messy intersections of love and friendship that many have navigated.

OP isn’t wrong for catching feelings, but she might be wrong for timing it like Mark just handed her a loaded “what if.”

Wait, it gets messier, read about the friend who set up my crush, then started dating him behind my back.