Is It Wrong to Help My Alcoholic Brother on NYE Despite Knowing Hed Buy Alcohol?
AITA for giving money to my alcoholic brother on NYE knowing he'd buy alcohol? Family's angry - was it enabling or showing compassion?
Some people don’t recognize a favor, especially when it comes with a wink and a “yeah, I know what you’ll do with it.” On New Year’s Eve, one Redditor decided to help their brother, an alcoholic of 25 years, even though everyone in the family knows exactly how that story usually ends.
The brother’s life is stripped down to the basics, no carpets, just a TV with free view and a bed, and the OP calls him because he sounds miserable but still kind. The OP transfers money, openly admitting they know he’ll buy alcohol, and says if a drink helps him, then they’ll help. The family finds out, and suddenly the “we should support him” plan turns into a full-on argument.
Now the OP is stuck wondering if compassion is actually just enabling in disguise.
Original Post
As the title states my brother is an alcoholic, has been for just over 25 years. As you can probably guess this has caused some big arguments in our family.
We’ve all tried for years to help him, get him into rehab etc but this has repeatedly failed. His marriage ended and he barely see’s his child.
He’s had it really rough and still drinks. Everyone has now stopped trying to get him to stop, knowing that he has to want to do it himself and that time will never come.
On NYE I rang him and he was miserable, yet lovely as he tends to be. He’s in a place with no carpets etc, only a tv with free view and his bed.
That’s it. I felt really bad and told him I was gonna transfer some money, mentioned I knew he’d buy drink with it but I didn’t care.
If him having a drink would help him, then I’ll help him with that. My family found out and are angry at me, overly I think.
So, AITA?
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OP’s brother answered the phone on NYE looking miserable, and that moment is what made the money transfer feel like something kinder than a lecture.
The family’s anger flares after they learn OP basically said, “I know you’ll buy drink,” which turns the favor into a moral argument.
With 25 years of failed attempts, a broken marriage, and limited contact with his child, the OP is left weighing “help” against the cycle everyone already expects.
After everyone stopped pushing him to quit, OP’s decision to send money on the one night he’s clearly hurting becomes the spark that reignites the fight.
What's your opinion on this situation? Join the conversation!
The brother’s New Year might have been rough, but now OP’s family is the one drinking from the drama.
Before you decide, see what happened when a renter faced eviction over his cat after standing up to his landlord.
