Woman Wonders If She'll Be The AH For Not Keeping Her Teenage Daughter's Secret About Her Ex And His Wife

A parent who receives physical custody of a child from the court is entitled to have the child live with them for the duration of that court-mandated period. A parent may occasionally be awarded primary custody of a child by the judge.

In this instance, the parent decides how the child will be raised without consulting the other parent, and the child resides with that parent. In certain additional situations, the court could also award both parents joint custody of the child.

In this arrangement, both parents participate financially, emotionally, and physically in the child's development, and the child spends a considerable amount of time with each parent at different times. Since custody of the child or children affects the child's future, the court considers it seriously and with the utmost care.

OP's divorce agreement states that if either parent has to work while the other does not, they must give the other parent the opportunity to spend that time with the children. It's the ex's turn, and they spent a few days camping and are planning to take a day trip to the beach.

OP's daughter told her that she may want to attend a track event instead of going to the beach. She also revealed that the ex is working and that it’s his wife who would be taking the girls.

OP is tempted to spill the secret but is having second thoughts because her daughter asked her not to. So, she came online to seek other people's opinions.

OP writes

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

The OP wants to establish an open and trusting relationship with her daughter

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

It’s forcing OP's 13-year-old to choose doing something she loves

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

Navigating Family Secrets

This dilemma highlights the complex dynamics surrounding family secrets and their impact on relationships.

According to Dr. Emily White, a developmental psychologist, keeping secrets can create a barrier to open communication and trust within families.

When secrets are kept, they often lead to feelings of isolation and anxiety among family members, particularly children, who may feel they are missing critical information about their loved ones.

As usual, the comments roll in and here are a bunch of them

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

They can come to the OP anytime

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

Keeping his transgression somewhere

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

Research in family therapy supports the idea that transparency can enhance relational dynamics.

Studies show that families who practice open communication are more resilient and better equipped to handle conflicts, as they foster a climate of trust.

Encouraging honest conversations about sensitive topics can help mitigate the potential for misunderstandings and emotional distress.

It's not like he's always working

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

The OP says more in the comments:

My younger daughter is not a factor in this because this isn’t about the wife taking the kids to the beach. She gets to go no matter what. It’s about my ex and his wife putting my 13-year-old in a position where she has to choose, and instead of going quite literally any other day of the week (which is what I would do as a parent), they are telling her, “Oh sorry, you can’t come with us because there’s something you want to do that evening.” There’s no reason why they couldn’t go first thing in the morning and leave at 2 PM even to make it work; they’re just choosing not to.I just think it’s a terrible thing to do to a kid. Him breaking the agreement is just the icing on the cake.

Changing their plans last minute

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

Don't put your kid in the middle

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

The Importance of Trust in Relationships

Trust is a foundational element in any relationship, and its absence can lead to significant distress.

Psychologists emphasize that when trust is broken, it takes concerted effort to rebuild it.

Steps such as acknowledging the hurt caused by secrecy and committing to open dialogue are essential for re-establishing trust within family units.

Enough secrets

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

He's a full-blown narcissist

Reddit/floatingonsunshine

The OP's children being in danger is the only time she should betray their trust with a secret. OP was told to remind her kids that they can trust her and that they can come to her with anything, but also that adults should never expect children to keep "secrets."

The OP was declared the AH if she should betray her daughter's trust. Leave your own verdict in the comments section below.

Moreover, the implications of revealing a secret can vary significantly based on the nature of the information.

For instance, secrets regarding familial relationships can lead to feelings of betrayal, while those concerning personal struggles can foster empathy and understanding when shared.

Understanding the potential outcomes of disclosure is crucial before deciding to reveal sensitive information.

Psychological Analysis

This situation highlights the delicate balance between confidentiality and transparency in family relationships.

It's essential to approach these conversations with sensitivity, understanding that revealing secrets can either strengthen or strain familial bonds.

Analysis generated by AI

Analysis & Alternative Approaches

In conclusion, navigating family secrets requires careful consideration and a commitment to fostering open communication.

By prioritizing trust and transparency, families can strengthen their bonds and create a supportive environment for all members.