Autistic Woman Takes Drastic Measures to Avoid Clingy Older Coworker Outside Work, Seeks Advice

A 28-year-old woman tried to keep things strictly professional at work, but one older coworker would not take the hint. She was already dealing with the awkwardness of him acting different, and then things got even messier when she realized he had been giving her mixed vibes.

Here’s the complication: she stopped replying to his messages and refused to encourage anything outside work, not because she was trying to be mean, but because she felt it would be rude. Meanwhile, her friends were telling her to loosen up and meet him for coffee again, even though she still worried she might be the asshole.

And just when she thought she had a boundary plan, the comments lit up with theories about why he was so clingy, and what she should do next.

Here's the Headline

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The OP Thought He Was Gay Due to His Mannerisms and Behavior

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Clingy behavior in relationships often stems from underlying attachment insecurities, particularly in individuals who are navigating their own identities.

Research indicates that those with anxious attachment styles may exhibit clinginess as a way to seek reassurance and closeness in relationships.

Emotional reliance can lead to behaviors that may feel overwhelming to others, especially during times of self-discovery.

The OP Would Like It If They Could Bounce the Conversation Back and Forth

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His Behavior Suddenly Felt Off When the OP's Friend Found Out He Was Straight

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That’s when the OP’s “no messages, no outside-work hangouts” rule suddenly felt like it might not be enough for everyone involved.

OP Has Offered the Following Explanation for Why They Think They Might Be the AH:

I don’t respond to his messages or encourage interactions outside of work. I feel rude doing so, but my friends are encouraging it, and I trust their opinion. However, I still feel like I am being the AH.

The OP Does Feel Like She Needs to Go for Coffee with Him Again

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And the Comments Roll In...

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When her friend found out he was straight, his behavior “suddenly felt off,” and the whole coffee debate turned into a guilt spiral.

This scenario highlights the importance of establishing boundaries in relationships, especially when one partner is exploring their sexual identity.

Encouraging open dialogues about emotional needs can enhance understanding and promote healthier interactions.

Pregnant OPs dealing with drama will recognize this, like the woman weighing whether her SIL can host her baby shower.

He'll Find a Way to Make the OP Look Guilty

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Letting HR Know If It Goes Beyond Normal

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Exploring one's identity can be a tumultuous process, often leading to heightened emotional states and relational challenges.

Studies indicate that individuals grappling with their sexual identity may experience fluctuations in confidence, leading to behaviors that are inconsistent with their true feelings.

Creating a supportive environment where individuals feel safe to express their feelings can enhance relationship satisfaction.

The HR Option Is Always There

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He Isn't Supposed to Be Obsessing Over the OP

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The comments started throwing out scenarios like “he’ll find a way to make you look guilty,” especially if this keeps dragging on.

The OP Dropped More Details in the Comments

My friend isn’t a coworker; she knew him a few years ago when she was 17, and he would have been in his 50s. The coffee was on the second day of him knowing me. I have been making sure that how we talk can be shown, and I’ve thought about taking screenshots just in case he deletes them.

Checking the Work Policies

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This Is Not Acceptable

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And by the time HR was mentioned as the nuclear option, the OP’s careful boundary-setting was no longer just awkward, it was strategic.

Moreover, addressing clinginess requires a balance of empathy and assertiveness from both partners.

The OP Should Just Bring the Coffee

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In summary, addressing clingy behavior, particularly in a workplace context, necessitates a thoughtful approach and transparent communication.

Redditors say that if the OP is feeling uncomfortable, that is enough to take action. Her discomfort may very well keep her safe, as she's not obligated to share her details just because someone gave her theirs.

The OP was advised not to do things out of obligation, as she was declared not the AH.

Ultimately, understanding the motivations behind clingy behavior can lead to more compassionate interactions and healthier relationships.

Now he’s wondering if she’s the problem, and she’s wondering if HR is the only way to stop the coffee requests.

For another family money fight, read why he refused to share proceeds with non-contributing siblings.