"Lazy" Mom Of Two Who Has No Adult Skills Risks Separation From Her Husband For Her To "Grow Up"
"I've always felt like a burden on him throughout our whole marriage"
While some people view their time in school as the sole period of their lives dedicated to learning in a limited way, others see themselves as lifelong learners who constantly want to expand their knowledge and acquire new abilities. Regardless of your perspective on education, the fact is that learning never ends, whether we choose to accept it or not.
In your adult years, you'll come to understand why deliberate learning and targeted personal growth provide more benefits than just the means to pass your pub quiz. After all, who says that education shouldn't last until adulthood?
Anyone can acquire useful credentials and degrees, expand their knowledge base, and learn new skills through adult education. The original poster of today's story is venting about her current situation.
The problem is that she completely lacks adult skills. The OP had loving parents who did the best they could with what they had.
The OP worked a couple of jobs from ages 16 to 18 but wasn't sure what to do with her life. She has never paid taxes and doesn't know her Social Security number.
She simply gives her checks to her mom, who deposits them in her bank; she doesn't even know how to check her balance. The OP met her husband at a small Christian college, and they got married a year later.
They have been married for roughly 10 years, with two kids under 10 years old. The OP's husband is already tired of her "laziness" and is seeking to separate from her so she can learn things on her own.
The headline
Reddit/Inevitable_Level_408The OP kicks off her story
Reddit/Inevitable_Level_408Exploring Adult Development and Responsibility
The situation with the 'lazy' mom reveals critical themes in adult development and responsibility. Developmental psychology suggests that life transitions, such as marriage and parenthood, often require individuals to take on new roles and responsibilities. Research indicates that when one partner does not fully embrace these responsibilities, it can create significant strain in the relationship, leading to feelings of resentment and burden.
In this case, the husband's concerns about his wife's lack of adult skills may stem from a desire for shared responsibility and partnership in their family life.
They lived in a tent for several months
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The OP is a pro at keeping up and organizing laundry
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This dynamic may be exacerbated by the concept of learned helplessness, where individuals feel unable to manage their responsibilities due to past experiences or conditioning. As Dr. William Doherty, a family therapist, states, "When people feel overwhelmed, they often retreat into a cycle of dependency, which can hinder their ability to acquire essential life skills." Recognizing this pattern is crucial for fostering individual growth and mutual support in relationships.
OP's husband was basically a parent and became the male father figure to his brothers
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OP could have tried harder to ask him how he was
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The OP provided a summary for those who couldn't read her lengthy story
TLDR: My husband (30M) wants to separate and have me (30F) move away for a year so I can learn to be independent (married roughly 10 years, 2 kids). I just want to know what I should do. Should I write up a document about the separation agreement? I haven't had a job in years as a SAHM; where would I even start?"I have no degree. What do I do?"
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The Reddit post got hundreds of comments, and here are a bunch of them
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The Importance of Personal Growth in Relationships
Personal growth is essential for maintaining healthy relationships. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family highlights that couples who support each other's personal development tend to report higher relationship satisfaction. Encouraging individual growth can help partners feel more competent and engaged in their roles, ultimately benefiting the relationship as a whole.
In this situation, both partners may need to engage in discussions about their expectations and support each other's growth in developing adult skills.
Ongoing symptoms of depression
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Lazy, unmotivated, and depressed
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To address these concerns, the couple might benefit from setting clear expectations regarding household responsibilities and personal growth. They could create a plan that includes both partners' goals for developing adult skills. Additionally, couples therapy could provide a space for exploring these dynamics and enhancing communication, fostering a collaborative approach to personal and relational growth.
Encouraging each other to seek out resources, such as workshops or classes, could also promote personal development and strengthen their partnership.
The OP should get therapy
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No religious-based therapy
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Regardless of whether the OP has been depressed since childhood, she has never made any significant changes in her life using her own initiative or drive. It seems more like an avoidant inclination and a helpless need to shift accountability and duty onto other people.
Many Redditors say that the OP needs to receive the necessary mental health assistance before anything can happen. Even if you have the greatest of plans, the best intentions, and all the appropriate strategies, it won't matter if one's mental health collapses.
Envisioning what you want in life
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Psychological Analysis
This situation illustrates the complexities of adult development within the context of marriage. The husband's concerns reflect a desire for shared responsibility and mutual growth.
Encouraging open dialogue about personal development can help both partners navigate their roles more effectively.
Analysis generated by AI
Analysis & Alternative Approaches
Personal growth and shared responsibilities are vital components of healthy relationships. By fostering open communication and mutual support, couples can navigate life's challenges together. Ultimately, prioritizing individual development enhances relationship satisfaction and overall well-being.
