Lost Friends Over Music Joke: AITA for Playful Banter Escalating?

Three years of the same music in a group chat, and one tiny comment was apparently enough to blow up the whole vibe. OP was just joking around with a couple of high school friends, the ones who know the routine, the ones who usually dish it back and laugh.

But when OP’s best friend said she couldn’t read part of the music, OP made a remark that was meant as playful banter. The argument spiraled fast, and then things got ugly: someone threw in Spanish, OP didn’t understand it because of a language barrier, and instead of explaining, they started mocking OP for not understanding, calling OP stupid, and demanding OP learn Spanish. Right when OP tried to apologize and cool it down, they got removed from the group chat.

Now OP is stuck wondering if the joke turned into something worse, and whether apologizing even matters when the insults were the real turning point.

Original Post

Last year I was chatting in a group chat with a couple of my high school friends. My best friend said she couldn't read a part of the music we were playing, and I made a comment about that (unfortunately, I don't have the message anymore after a phone switch) which wasn't meant to be taken seriously, considering it's been 3 years of us playing it should be something fairly easy to play for everyone (not everyone in the gc played tho, just three including myself).

I continued **what I believed** to be playful banter, but things escalated. They got more aggressive, so I also decided to as well, as we normally do, but this time things were different.

During the escalated argument, someone mentioned something in Spanish which I didn't understand because of a language barrier. I said I didn't understand what they said and then they began making fun of me for not understanding, calling me stupid and told me to learn spanish (which I naturally struggle with) among other things.

And when I was going to attempt to explain where I went wrong and apologize so I could de-escalate I got removed from the group chat. Also for a little more context they do mostly the exact same thing to me so I assumed it'd be fine because when they do it it's fine, so why wouldn't it be fine for me as well?

But I was fortunately mistaken (I say fortunately cause that event showed me issues that I have). After that day, they stopped talking to me and I stopped too.

But then I encountered my ex-best friend and decided to apologize, mainly for hurting her feelings of course. I mainly came to the conclusion of apologizing because of how sometimes I hurt people without realizing it.

We mostly got things resolved but I'm still in the process of forgiving. I admit I started it, but I wasn't expecting it to turn into personal insults.

So I wonder, am I the a*****e for it or am I not? Also do be honest please, I do want to know whether I was in the wrong or not.

Bless y'all!

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OP says they assumed the banter would be “fine” because their friends do the same thing to them, so the removal from the group chat hit way harder than expected.

It’s got the same messy “family vs you” energy as skipping a grandmother’s funeral after years of being ostracized

The whole situation flipped when Spanish got thrown into the argument, and OP admitted they didn’t understand it, which apparently triggered the personal attacks.

That’s when the conversation stopped being about the music and turned into insults, with OP trying to apologize and de-escalate right before getting kicked.

After OP ran into their ex-best friend and apologized to smooth things over, the group dynamic never fully returned to normal, and forgiveness is still “in progress.”

What are your thoughts on this situation? Share your perspective in the comments below.

OP might’ve started the joke, but the Spanish insults are what truly cost them the friends.

Want another family blowup, read about refusing to split a cherished heirloom bracelet with siblings